Foster Kid to CEO: Merideth Rose's Journey from Trauma to Transforming 16,000 Lives

0:16 Welcome back to an episode here on the Heart and Hustle podcast with our next guest Murd. How you doing today?
0:21 I'm good. I'm excited to be here at FRAM and thank you for the invitation.
0:26 Same. Listen, I start off with one our names. Meredith. Did I say it correctly?
0:30 You did pretty good. It's Meredith is fine. Meredith. Oh my god. You know,
0:35 I've been called so many different other things, but no, Meredith. Yeah.
0:39 You know, I I I say that because even with my name, it's one of those names that we just probably would butchered all all my years, right? And same for
0:46 you. I'm pretty sure people butcher it all the time and you're just like whatever. Sometimes, do you actually are you at the point where you correct them or you just ride with it? um you know um
0:56 I think people have a lot of safety once you build bonds and relationship. So everybody should be given some level of grace. I think at the first time I I
1:04 like to have this kind of core belief that um everybody has good intentions at the heart. Um it's when that kind of
1:12 error and that oversight continues to happen over and over again that I become a little bit more curious and I might say let's have a gentle conversation, a
1:19 very um strength-based conversation because names are important. That's your identity. There's a story there.
1:24 Somebody did that by intentionality and I think we should honor that as people.
1:28 So yeah, but I'm always high grace. I I will correct you lovingly once we've had a chance to build a connection through relationship.
1:35 Good. You didn't correct me, sir. But we're still we're still trying to figure this out. I get it.
1:38 Yeah. Yeah. But I know your heart is pure and you are good. Like we've established some connection prior to this. So we're not going in cold. But
1:45 everybody um so I I really want to get to the story. I think when we talk about leaders in the space of doing passionate
1:54 work, purposeful work. It's not about paychecks. And I say this all the time.
1:57 There's always a story. And I love to always ask the why. And people don't get to see the why when I get them on a podcast, but I asked the why. And your why was you went from a foster kid um
2:06 being kicked out of school to then you decided to uh lead a disaster response for FEMA and now you're building systems, right, that see our kids beyond
2:15 their trauma. And there was it was a trauma. It was it was life. It was life experiences that we've had to encounter and overcome that really put you into
2:22 this seat. Like when we when we kind of go back like did you ever imagine yourself in the seat that you're in today?
2:28 No. Um, I never had a life goal and I never would have dreamt that I could become a CEO and a president of an organization. And just frankly, I
2:37 thought it was outside of my wheelhouse and my capability. And I say that because as you mentioned, I was um a byproduct of adoption and a foster care
2:46 alum. So everything about what data and research says is possible in terms of success, the outcomes are not good and they're not promising. So, um, what's
2:55 interesting though, I tell people is despite my trauma, I think it's been God's amazing grace and just the transformative power, the healing power
3:03 of community that even though I was very broken and I was a wild child, I was so fortunate to be intersected with people,
3:11 so gatekeepers, mentors, coaches who saw something in me that I like to say was a spark. They became curious about me. I
3:19 think they told themselves that what I'm seeing now, the broken um the misbehavior, it is not going to be the totality of her life. And so in that
3:28 they leveraged their power, their privilege, their positionality, and they gave me a chance. So as I was trying to
3:36 heal, whether that was going through school or whether that was applying for jobs, I had individuals who opened doors for me that I would have never been able
3:43 to open for myself. And um so those were people who said I I see something different and unique in you and I was
3:50 always hungry and gritty and I was smart and I could learn fast. So as I healed these people helped lift me I think to life in leadership. They took a gamble.
3:59 They took a chance. Um they allowed me to heal. They created safety for me to heal but they also gave me a platform to really go after some aggressive
4:08 positions. And I just kind of like a hungry person trying to survive and thrive. I climbed a ladder, but it
4:15 wasn't without the help and the lift of those those people, those champions of my village.
4:20 And today, you're now what? What is your title? What's your organization that you're with?
4:23 So, I'm the president and CEO, the proud president and CEO of Cornerstones of Care. We're a 156year-old behavioral
4:31 health nonprofit organization. We're based out of Kansas City, Missouri. We serve about 16,000 children and families
4:38 um each year across Missouri and Kansas and beyond. And so the thread of our work is that we serve children and families who have had some type of
4:46 intersection with trauma. We want to prevent it. We want to help heal them from trauma, but give them tools,
4:52 supports, therapeutic treatments, and services um so that they can get on a pathway towards uh vibrant life,
5:00 resilience, and recovery. We also do foster care and adoption. And so a lot of the children and families we work with have had some intersection with the
5:07 child and family welfare system. Um but our our true north is keeping children and families safe, healthy and whole
5:15 together. My desire, my goal, um my courageous must do is I don't want to see any child and family come into any
5:22 system of any type unnecessarily. So if we can help them stabilize and heal what's broken, what's starting to break
5:30 before a family has to become dismantled, that is what we want to be known for and that's what we do at Cornerstones of Care.
5:36 I love that. And when we sp spoke the first time you said you don't need perfect beginnings to lead you need someone to believe beyond what's broken and correct kind of what you're the
5:45 space that you're in today right just a little scene you know if if someone has the hope and say I know there's potential beyond what I see
5:53 today that could totally transform a child's life an adult's life I think people think traumatized child results
6:00 in traumatized adult that will never become changed never become restored I don't buy that there's no child or family or life story that's so far gone that it cannot be rebuilt, repurposed,
6:11 and restored.
6:13 Which is why it's so important to be uh mindful of the word you say. Yes.
6:19 Right. Because because sometimes you could be in a broken moment and someone takes what you said and run with it. And I've actually experienced that. I ain't going to lie to you where a friend, I
6:27 guess I must in my 20s, I must have not had the same belief in God that I have today. And she, you know, as we get
6:34 older, she said, "I remember when you said that you didn't believe in God." And I'm like, "I said that?" Like,
6:39 there's no way I said that, right? But it's that's going back to sometimes we're in broken moments and we say things that are not us are not true.
6:48 Um, so I I've actually had to be mindful when I even when I tell someone their small business. No, you're business. Let me let me change the words. Right. We
6:56 It's It is the words that truly change us. I remember I was early maybe 19 20 years old when I heard the uh the words
7:05 from the chief development officer at Subway. I was there and the guy didn't know me.
7:09 But he met me for a couple hours, got to know my story and he says, "Man, you're a rock star."
7:14 And his words to me was, "If my son grows up to be anything like you, I'll be a happy father." So for someone that didn't have a father, right, we're we'll get into the stories here in just a bit,
7:23 your story, but someone that didn't have a father, you're like, "Oh my god, I'm somebody like, and I I live that. I wanted to become that rockstar." And it
7:32 gave me something to really keep uh pushing towards and someone and I and someone believed in me, right? Another male figure at that because I didn't
7:40 have that. Sometimes we need those little things. Absolutely.
7:45 In your case though, I want to kind of go back to the beginning of it all because another thing that we share is that we were both adopted by our our aunts.
7:53 What do you remember most about the moment your aunt stepped in?
7:56 So, it's so interesting and I don't know if this is just true to culture. Um, my family origin is really from the southern and kind of impoverished parts
8:04 of Louisiana and and Arkansas. So my birth mother um was actually uh born in
8:11 Winssboro, Louisiana, very impoverished kind of town and she was one of eight siblings. And what's interesting is I
8:19 you know there was a practice I think that was common um particularly in the south with black culture is that if parents weren't quite equipped and ready
8:26 to be parents at the time um you know madar granny grandmother might raise um the baby and so that was a common
8:33 practice and so um I grew up believing that my mother was always my mother. It wasn't in probably until I was about
8:41 seven or eight um where there was just some exchange of story where I came to find find out that I was adopted. My
8:50 birth mother had reached out and called my adopted mother who was her and is her biological sister and um she in a moment
9:00 of just needing support knew that she could rely on family. Didn't want to go through the system if she didn't have to and just made a call. And what I love
9:08 about the courage and the heroicism that is my adopted mother. So she started out as my aunt and today she is my mother.
9:15 She was on her way up from Louisiana to Kansas City. She was a recruit in the late60s. She had put herself through college straight A student, went to
9:24 Southern, had become a statistical engineer. And so she was getting ready to work for an aerospace plant in Kansas City in the late 60s. Like you know it
9:33 is the whole hidden figures story in reality.
9:35 Yeah, for sure. She had a life and a goal and a trajectory that was climbing.
9:40 And then all of a sudden she got the phone call from her sister and instead of saying no, instead of saying let me think about it, she said I will do it.
9:48 And she said the condition is I'm going to adopt this child as mine. I sometimes think about the fear, the courage, just
9:56 the emotion that happened between those two women in that conversation. Um, and it it gives me goosebumps because talk about the epitome of selflessness and
10:06 sacrifice. Talk about the epitome of courage to say I will take this child as my own and she will know no different.
10:13 So I think the beautiful part to answer your question is while it took me a while to really understand my adoption story. Um, I do believe my biological
10:22 mother there was some perhaps thought of shame that it was a bad thing that she gave her child away. If you think about how people and families tell adoption
10:31 stories today, they make books and it's an anniversary and it's a whole celebrated thing. And I didn't have that. And so I think the takeaway just
10:38 from that memory of how it probably took several years, if not decades, to take piece by piece and understand the story was adoption is such a beautiful thing.
10:49 And if it's necessary to create a safe,
10:51 healthy, restorative environment in which a child can be raised, let's do it. like it's it's not the dirty ugly word. So, um not much memory of the
11:01 moment it happened, but I have come to appreciate the gravity and the significance of that gift uh more than I can even convey.
11:09 Hey, real quick. If you enjoying the podcast, we first want to say thank you.
11:13 And we also just want to give you a little insight of what we're up to at Francis. Some don't even realize that we're working with organizations to help
11:20 them use AI to create that real human communication experiences where that's actually supporting your your families,
11:27 those patients or the entire community.
11:30 We're actually creating tech that connects. Check it out. Francis.ai.
11:35 And everybody's story is so very different when it comes to adoption. You know, my my my mom that adopted me,
11:42 which was my aunt, but that's like your I call her mom, right?
11:45 Yeah. Um, she didn't find out that her mom, so she grew up till she was, I think, 15, 16, believing her mom that
11:53 was raising her was her mom, but it was really her aunt and that her aunt was her mom the whole time.
11:58 So, she just had life backwards the whole time. Didn't find out till she was 16 years old. Now, that grew the resentment, right?
12:06 Um, and I don't know that that her mom passed, her biological mom, which is my my grandma, passed away. And I don't know they ever were able to rekindle that relationship. And I don't know what
12:14 the situation was, but it is when a woman steps in, that is your mom. Yeah.
12:19 You know, that is mom. Like you you just at this point are blessed with two moms. Yes.
12:24 But that that is like respect. And even when you talking about going through it,
12:28 I just think about it as well. I don't know that I was as graceful grateful as I am today in the moment that I was in as I was growing up thinking.
12:37 Yeah. I wasn't either. And and I can imagine for you finding it at six like there's a lot of resentment for me is I don't I don't really know when I found out. I feel like I knew almost my whole
12:45 life but I was I remember at two years I don't remember but at two years old is when I was you know taken from my biological mom and given to my aunt.
12:53 Um and so from two years old that was just that was just mom you know. I remember at seven years old actually physically going in and to the courtroom and getting
13:01 signed away. I remember the rights being signed away at 7 years old. That's all I remember. But before that, I was already with my aunt that I called mom.
13:08 And it took me a long time. And then as I heard her story, and I can imagine that's why you feel some way some ways you feel now is that when you start to
13:16 hear the stories and the sacrifices they made in their own lives. Yes.
13:20 My mom already had four of her own kids and decided to raise three. This was a young mom at 20 years old. I think actually her first was at 18, you know.
13:28 So by 28, she's already had four kids.
13:31 That's when she took us in. And then you decided to take three other That's that sounds crazy to me, you know.
13:37 So when I hear this story, I'm like, you have to give grace. You did,
13:41 you know, um even to your biological mother to say, you know, to let go the pride and say, you know what, I can't do this.
13:49 Yeah. But I know someone that can, you know, and put you in those hands. So, man, what what a what a story. I love it.
13:55 We're like we're we're adopted. We're brothers and sisters by adoption. How about Yeah, I love that. And I there's a point that I think you hit on that is so
14:03 important. And if we're talking about great leaders are radically transparent and they are authentic and you look at me today and I tell that story from a
14:12 vantage point of a lot of grace and what you see and hear is a healed heart. But the moment you know there's something
14:19 about research and um if you're not familiar for your listeners look up adverse childhood experiences or the A score. There's a lot of research that
14:28 says when children encounter trauma at an early age, it's complex, it's visceral, and it rewires the brain. It
14:35 leaves a mark. And I remember going to my mom's safety uh or safe deposit box um just last year. So, at 43 years old,
14:44 and finding this tattered old piece of paper that has the 16th Circuit Court of Jackson County on it, and just kind of like, what is this? And I see my name.
14:53 And her response was, "Don't you remember? We put on that beautiful little yellow dress and we went down to the courthouse and you became mine."
14:59 Like that was a new layer of the story that I had never heard in 43 years. And so as I kind of piece back where I was,
15:07 what happened when I think I knew like you, I say six, it could have been six,
15:11 it could have been 12, there was trauma that was embedded from that moment. And I think it um appeared, it materialized
15:18 as bad behavior. So it was misconduct in the school. It was, you know, trying to diagnose me with ADHD. It was all the
15:25 things. And it became really hard for my adoptive mother, my aunt, to really provide me loving, stable parenting
15:32 because I was broken. And that broken just continued to unravel and get worse.
15:36 So, I want to hold space for that to say, you know, we can talk about the beautiful part of the sacrifice, but it takes a healed heart and a lot of
15:45 therapeutic treatment to get to that point. Um, that's just real.
15:50 No, 100%. I I remember I started a nonprofit and my whole life growing up because of my life the way that was upbr I I knew that I wanted to give back
15:58 because I felt like I was given a second chance on life. I don't know if you felt like this but I feel like I was given a second chance in life. I wanted to go and do a nonprofit. I just I didn't actually I didn't know I wanted to do a nonprofit. I didn't know what that was.
16:07 I just knew I wanted to give back.
16:09 Actually, let me let me let me let's stop lying here. I I just knew I wanted to give back. And then um you know I was 27 years old. I uh did the show in the
16:19 cover boss and they gave me 5,000 to give to an organization after they found out my story. Yeah.
16:24 But I originally was um adopted in Boston, moved to Florida, knew nothing about organizations, nonprofits, knew nothing about that. So these $5,000 was just going to sit there.
16:34 So someone said to me, "Hey man, you always said you wanted to give back.
16:37 Instead of giving back just once in your life, you can give back for a lifetime. Start your own organization."
16:42 That's good. So, you can't tell somebody that just has this energy and just go get it mentality. I was like, "All right, cool. I'm going figure it out."
16:49 So, I figured it out. And then I got the 5,000, you know, donate to the organization. But even in this process,
16:55 one of the I I still hadn't talked about sexual abuse to no one. Um, I really wasn't talking about adoption. Like, all
17:02 these things were like swept under the rug, right? Barely barely past high school. Now I'm on my own, 18 years old.
17:09 And but it was when I met my now wife where she knew I was broken. She was going through these things, right? She's uncovering these things that even I sometimes didn't even know about myself.
17:20 But one of the strong things she said to me is, "How do you expect to go help somebody else if you have to haven't helped yourself?" That's good. She's a genius. I was like, "What do you mean?" Like,
17:28 you know, like shout out to the women out there that really be out here pouring to their men.
17:31 It was my It's like what? What? Say that again. Come on. Come on.
17:36 Well, when she said that, I that that changed the game and realizing that I had I did have to fix me before I can go and try to help anybody,
17:46 you know, and through that um and just growing and uncovering that yes, there was a lot of bad times. To be quite
17:53 frank, I don't know that I remember my childhood as as as well as others. Every time she tells me something, I'm like, I wish I can go back that far.
18:01 But there was so much hurt that maybe that's why, you know, I don't. Um, so yes, I'm more grateful now. And
18:08 actually, that's the word that I when people say everything that you experience in your life, if you could put it in one word, what's your one word? I say grateful. I like that.
18:16 Because one thing I heard recently, there is ne testimony without a test. That's right.
18:20 And through that test that God has given us, we get to share testimonies to go inspire and empower and educate and all these different things
18:29 and do it authentically us and sharing our stories. But also like I love that about us. Like it's so cool when you tell when you tell me you were
18:37 adopted. I'm like so are you the president? This is so cool.
18:41 Found it from the mountain top, you know? And it what's what used to feel like a scarlet letter or a scar is
18:48 really the exact nugget that God allowed us to have to facilitate and foster inspiration and transformation um and
18:58 impact in the lives of so many. So, we don't realize it when we're going through the fire and we're in the broken cave and the brokenness nest then, but
19:06 man, if you just persist through it, you find that anchor. For me, it is that faith and and relationship with Jesus,
19:13 but for some, it's it's something different. But you find that anchor that gets you through. And when you're on the other side, you're like, "Okay, I got to
19:20 tell somebody." And you just can't help it. And people will see it in you coming before you even open your mouth. They're like, "Something's different about you."
19:27 And I was like, "Yeah, that's my Jesus clothes. That's my healing glow.
19:30 You know, I actually just talked to a friend yesterday and and both just around um two days actually. So, two days ago, I spoke to her. We were in the
19:38 middle parking lot just doing some work and she has an event coming up and I was just telling her like, "Don't figure out why you do it." You know, the whole guy like all these different things. And
19:47 sometimes I can come across to myself like I talk too much, right? In my mind,
19:51 it's just my brain talking. And I remember driving home talking to my wife and I had an hour and a half conversation in the parking lot with this, you know, this woman. And I told
19:59 my wife, I was like, "Man, sometime I just think I I just want to shut up.
20:02 Like, man, you talk a lot, right? That's what I'm saying." So the next day I talked to this friend because we're doing this project together and I said,
20:08 "Hey man, yesterday I know I was talking a lot."
20:10 And she says, "Ephra, don't you ever think that you talk a lot because everything I was asking God for, you were literally confirming."
20:19 That's good. And she says, "I sat there and I digested everything you said and and I literally were just talking to somebody for an hour and all I can say is how E-frame Ephrain Ephrain,
20:29 you know, and it is our it is just us telling stories. Yes,
20:33 it is just us going through life experiences oursel and it doesn't have to be just the trauma that from young kids, but even trying to get into the spaces that we're in today. We got
20:41 stories on how we failed on how, you know, we were uh people didn't see our value. So we either pivoted or we had to do something to for someone to see that
20:50 sometimes trying to um fit in somebody else's box when in reality we had our own box to fit into.
20:56 We had to know our worth and see the value within ourselves.
20:59 So um no life that's why I said life be lifeing. You know you could do one of two things. You can either see the good or just dwell on the bad, you know.
21:06 Yeah. We have choice. And what I appreciate about what you just said is I tell especially these young folks, the millennials and there's a lot that we
21:14 could do with technology and AI and all of that is good to advance just connectivity and communication. But to think about um the human existence and
21:22 how things were built and stories were shared. I mean it was through the power of telling stories. That's how they preserved heritage and culture and
21:31 traditions and religion. And so that doesn't stop today just because we have this overabundance and influx of noise
21:38 and information. People are hungry to hear your story. And everybody has a story. And I you and I I'm telling you,
21:45 we're sister and brother. Then we realize I I think every report card for me was like she talks too much and but
21:53 no one ever said until I got intersected with the right individual. She talks too much and she's gonna make a great leader one day. She got that part
22:01 and no no no. So it's our job because now we are the byproducts of what was really harmful as children. We know what
22:08 it takes to get through that kind of broken stage. It's our job to connect the reality of what's in someone's life
22:15 today versus the potential of where they could go. That's hope. That's the epitome of hope. That's our job. We're hope dealers. So I love that.
22:23 No. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, we talk we just talking gems right now. And I and I hope that Tony can really um digest what the conversation is because we are two
22:31 people that statistically shouldn't have made it this far. That's right. That's right. You know, and and and here we are. So,
22:37 you know, kudos to us. What do you think the difference is between surviving trauma and healing through it?
22:43 That's good. You know, surviving for me is just like you are you are bracing and moving from trauma to trauma. you are
22:50 getting through um through the just a very physical impact of what happens when you sustain harm. But thriving and
23:00 really healing through trauma says there's a place um of disruption that that trauma has caused. There's a
23:08 breaking that happens. But in healing, I take that breaking and I don't allow it to just break me in totality. I take that breaking and put it in an archive,
23:18 a vault in my heart, wherever it needs to live and foster and cultivate to become a nugget for learning and for
23:26 change. And so every breaking, every piece of trauma as you heal, what you find is that you are able to stomach and
23:34 withstand the really hard parts of your life. But healing says, "What did I learn from that? What did I lose from
23:41 that? what boundary will I establish so that won't hurt as much. Um maybe what relationship will I not enter into now
23:49 that I know this is the result. I don't care if you were in foster care, you were adopted, every human being that the one thing we have in common is trauma.
23:59 And trauma is simply synonymous with loss. Whether it was I'm in a military family and I had a school that I loved and we moved all the time. We as human
24:07 beings have a constant commonality of loss. And so surviving repetitive loss is just um not opening the mind and the heart and the spirit to learn from it,
24:19 to heal, to brace for it and prep prepare for it in the future. Um it's staying this in this real kind of tactical state all the time. The brain
24:27 science talks about your amydala and and when we're in trauma or high stress response, you know, there's the fight,
24:33 there's the flight, there's freeze, or there's appease. When you're constantly just surviving trauma, your lid is just going like this and you're just going
24:41 through one of those four responses. But when you're healing, you're taking time to reenter, to focus, to ground. You're
24:49 putting your lid back on and you're telling your preffrontal cortex, what do I need to know about this incident that
24:55 allows me to heal and be prepared, be better resilient, um be better fortified
25:02 if and when trauma happens again. So I think that's the difference is it's a mindset shift. It's a heart posture and it's frankly the brain science. What you
25:11 are doing with your brain so that you can be well.
25:14 Mindset is everything. I I think that's really what um last year even just the friend I was telling you about she's kind of
25:21 experiencing now is really working on the mind and what does that look like and and and that is sometimes stop talking to those people that you
25:29 love because I felt that one in my soul.
25:34 It it is I've had to experience that and sometimes and sometimes the doubt comes from those at home you know and my like as I was going on
25:43 this journey of of for the f so I've always been an entrepreneur but I always have so had a part-time job and then
25:51 because of who we are we can't just do part-time things we give our full time when it's a part-time right so um I finally said you know what I'm
25:59 not going I'm going to leave corporate and I was going to make this jump and of course and Not that she meant it in any wrong way. She was just questioning as a woman should.
26:08 But for sometimes that becomes doubt in our minds, right? Because now we feel like, wait,
26:13 you don't believe me? Like where we're It's not her. It's just it's these things that are are in us. Um and I' I've realized that, you know,
26:22 even friends that I was talking to on the weekly when they say, "How is your small community doing?" And you're like already like you're belitting me. You know, I can't talk to this person.
26:30 He didn't mean anything bad about it.
26:31 you know, he just need to change his words. But who are we to sit here and try to change somebody else when we can't change ourselves? We go back to that.
26:37 So, I had to really work on the mindset and really had to the music I was listening to. I had to go to more worship music, more music that would just feed in the soul.
26:45 That's because a lot of the times we we we are pouring into others and no one teaches us how to pour into ourselves,
26:52 you know. So, that mind, it is that mind resetting, finding things that you love to do. I love go I love planting. So that's just where I reset the mind and
26:59 everybody else does different things. So what is your go-to when you talk about just being in your zone?
27:05 In my zone. Well, you know, when you talked about mindset, um I think we've talked about boundaries as being a bad thing. But when you're trying to get
27:14 from that place of just surviving trauma and healing trauma, boundaries are essential. They're protective factors.
27:21 They're guard rails. And so when I set a boundary for me, so this is the answer to the question about the self-care is I'm okay not only just with saying no.
27:31 Um, one of my good friends, he said,
27:34 "Forget about FOMO, this fear of missing out." He said, "I need you to try on JMO." And I was like, "What's that?" And he said, "The joy of missing out." I
27:42 learned that at 43 years old. And it has totally changed my mindset because like you, I think it's a byproduct of our
27:49 trauma, but it's being adopted. it's being gritty and hungry and entrepreneurish.
27:54 Um, we tell ourselves there's only one standard. Whether it's part-time,
27:58 whether it's, you know, temporary, it is excellence all the time. Absolutely.
28:02 And in doing that, we don't give ourselves enough grace and margin and okayness to say, I'm going to miss out and be okay because and I don't even
28:11 need to have something meaningful to replace that. It could literally just being still and being mindless. Um, so
28:19 that that's honestly as simple as it sounds. Um,
28:22 I love outsides and beaches and vacations and prayer and worship music.
28:27 I love working out. But my my challenge is I'm already known for doing everything all the time. And my husband told me, he said, "You just struggle
28:35 with being still." So having to now at 44 say, "It is perfectly not only okay,
28:43 but it is a place of joy. It is a sanctuary of feelood and healing to just be.
28:49 I get a gold star for that. You know, no one in the corporate world would give me a gold star. My life. Saying no. Say no.
28:56 Say saying no. Well, people don't realize it even open doors for you. That's so good.
29:03 Yes. I would just I was just sharing this with someone that I had to um I had to say no to a client and because I said
29:10 no to that client, it provided me more time for a bigger client that aligned with my purpose. Yes.
29:17 You know what I mean? So, yeah, saying no. And it's and it's funny because I hate the word no. Like not not now, but you hear too many nos and it's like you feel defeated,
29:27 you know? And then when you say no to somebody else, you're like, damn. Like, can I do it?
29:31 But you got to respect your time. That's right.
29:33 You got respect to time. Uh because time is everything. You know, we talk about being parents. We talk about just doing the things that we love more. How in the
29:41 world you get to do more of you if you're still extending yourself when you're already extending yourself on every day with what you do? Yeah. My husband used to say, you know,
29:49 don't give the world your best and then give your family, the people who mean the most, what's left. And I don't want that legacy. I don't want that reputation to be left with my family.
29:59 So, yeah, I I'm good on excellence. It's It's there and it's still in me when I need it. But there the know is okay.
30:07 Sometimes you have to know both word.
30:11 My wife says to me, "Um, treat me how you be treating everybody else. Talk to me how you taught everybody else out there." I'm like, "Oh my god, what are you talking about?"
30:18 Because we're always putting on, right?
30:20 I mean, that's just how we are. And you know, when you're younger or healing from trauma, you're doing that because you want to feel validated. You want to
30:28 see and feel and hear value on the other side of that because you're still trying to put your worth composite back together. It's a result of trauma. But
30:35 as you heal, again, I think that whole thread you talked about, Ephra, is how do you go from surviving to thriving healing? Even the stories you tell
30:43 yourself about what people say when you say no, those have got to shift. And when you do, you're like, I'm okay. Even if they don't like the no, I'm okay.
30:53 Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. And sometimes saying no to somebody else what they don't realize is actually beneficial for them because they need it. You know,
31:00 sometimes when you tell somebody the truth, yeah,
31:03 it's not for us. It's for them, you know, like but they don't see it. That's right.
31:08 Whatever we got, like you said, we got to just move on. We did what we had to do for the right reasons because we we always have just that within us. Um,
31:15 let's talk about as we start to wrap up this organization that you've been leading. How long have you been running this organization?
31:20 Oh gosh, hard to believe. It's about three and a half years. and uh I I inherited such a long-standing reputable
31:27 organization and uh it's been such a challenging but fruitful and beautiful um three years. So going into my fourth year in 2026,
31:35 what does it what does the dayto-day look like in the organization?
31:39 You know, I I love it because no two days are the same. Um I tell folks I am really the conductor. I am the shepherd.
31:45 I'm the protector of the team. And so I am so fortunate to support and um really
31:53 help shepherd about 750 employees across Missouri and Kansas. And so a lot of it is just helping to kind of air traffic
32:01 control certain decisions and communications. Obviously I have a governing board 15 bosses who um are
32:08 responsible for the strategic and financial health of the organization.
32:11 But my job is to make sure that all 28 programs, all 750 staff feel supported,
32:18 they have the tools that they need. We remain financially responsible and viable for our work to continue. Um, and sometimes it's just helping individuals think through what to do, the crisis,
32:29 the um unthinkable, um the unavoidable.
32:33 So um I really am a mini MINI crisis manager um into scale. Sometimes a day is really smooth and it's all
32:42 celebration when I get to go see a youth who's aging out of foster care graduate from our Oz and campus. Um, but some
32:49 days are really hard where a family is um going through trauma and uh perhaps a child is coming into custody and there's
32:57 a crisis that involves some of my leaders. So, I love it because um I first have to show up for people with an
33:04 empathic heart. I don't always have the answers and I'm not the expert. I just am the shepherd and the protector of their time, their interest, their value,
33:13 um, and making sure that we're financially sound to continue the work.
33:17 Love that. Love that. How many programs do you do you guys do you know the number? I'm pretty sure there's plenty. 28. Okay. The numbers,
33:24 but I will tell you though, it's um,
33:26 it's an interesting time for nonprofit organizations. Um, without going through the full history, in 2017, a seinal kind of moment occurred for us. We used to be
33:34 five separate individual organizations who my predecessor uh being very um forward-minded and kind of thinking long
33:42 range said we're better together instead of competing for contracts and resources and staff why don't we collectively share pull our resources our ability. So
33:50 they officially merged and became one cornerstones of care in 2017. But now,
33:55 as we talk about impact and what's sustainable and threats to our funding and environment, from federal disruptions to competitive grants and
34:03 contracts at the state level, um, every strategic cycle is like, do we still need to be 28 programs strong? Um, and
34:10 you know what good leadership says? You have to know when something's no longer viable, no longer fruitful, or it's causing a financial or operational bleed to the community or to the organization.
34:21 So that's the exciting but very difficult part of being a CEO is at some point you have to deliver um you know
34:29 the hard decision you might have to sunset a program because you want your organization and the people who work for your organization to remain and sustain.
34:37 So lots of tension between I got a question I got a question on that one right now. Yeah. Go ahead.
34:42 I got a question. There's a young woman in leadership right now that has to make that decision.
34:47 Yes. Right. Yes. and you're in a a room full of probably men.
34:53 How does how does that how does that look and sound like? Like I can imagine you've done it now multiple times, but someone has never done this and got to go and say, "Hey, we have to do this."
35:03 And then there's that push back. How are you navigating that? Yeah. So, I always tell um my leaders,
35:10 especially women and women of color, is lead into curiosity. When you take more time to listen, to analyze, to take
35:18 notes to kind of get your thoughts together and then at the right time ask the right informed data driven question.
35:26 What I have kn noticed is that my counterparts, they become very curious about you because as unfortunate and
35:33 real as it is, all human beings have a prejudice. they have um a a particular
35:41 narrative and story that they've told themselves about a particular person especially about optically what they know to be true. So what I have found is
35:49 instead of being always the first to talk talking the longest I am going to think and operate in a way that really is parallel and synonymous to my peers.
35:59 And so I think about the person who has the objection and I know this person wants information rooted in data or in strategy. They don't want my emotion.
36:10 They they want something cognitive and business-based. So my my one advice would be take your time to prepare and
36:18 deliver your mic drop effectively. Not everything you say will be a mic drop moment. But what I've learned from my mother and when she retired from
36:27 Honeywell after 43 years, the one thing that all of her peers said is that Betty Joyce doesn't speak often. But when she
36:34 speaks, you listen. So there's something to be said about a humble leader who absorbs, who listens, who analyzes, who
36:41 gets themsel together, they take a breath, and then they enter the conversation. That would be my one piece of sound advice.
36:49 No, that was good. No, that's that's really good because a I think a lot of people just struggle at that space as you mentioned a woman of color or sometimes just being of color in a room
36:56 where you are the minority. It's very hard sometimes. You know, I've been in rooms, I'm can imagine you have, where you become the young one,
37:07 right? Like the only one, the first one.
37:12 So, you know, there sometimes you got to make those tough decisions, but you also just have to make it with confidence. I think being confident as well.
37:19 Um, you know, a lot of pe people sometimes look at you because of the skin color, because of your your your background, whatever, and just don't think that you have what it takes.
37:29 Um, and and you still have to be confident in that, you know, when because our stories, people didn't believe in us. There's people that didn't believe in us. There's people that didn't think we'll make it this
37:37 far. That's right. Um I mean I can go back when you you talked about just um early in the conversation on someone just forgetting to tell you talked too much and she forgot to tell that part.
37:47 I was told by my contra that I would never like hey you you know might as well get a 9 to5 job ephra school is not for you you're not going to make it
37:54 there but she forgot to say where else I was going to make it right like they forgot the other parts of the story.
37:58 Yeah. Um it's it's happening right here in the end of the conversation when we talked about that is be confident who you are. You know everything you had to do to get there,
38:08 not everybody else. They can't walk a mile in your shoes. That's right. Yeah. And you know the last thing I'll say,
38:14 Frame, you know, sometimes your reputation will precede you. So if you're a young African-American female
38:22 or any type of minority leader, the important thing is to know is someone is always watching. So when you are intentional and strategic and being
38:31 authentically yourself, you know, I have never changed as a leader. You'll see me on Fridays and I'll have my Air Force Ones on and my gold jacket like that.
38:39 That surprised people three years ago.
38:41 They became curious about it and they saw with consistency. This is who she is. So now even before I come into a
38:48 room, my reputation, my consistency, my reliability precedes me. So remember,
38:53 you're always building a narrative. It may take a while for the world to know your name, but that's okay. What you just said, keep your own confidence because you know what you have survived.
39:03 Eventually, the narrative will catch up. It absolutely will.
39:07 I love it. So, where can people find more about the organization and if you're on LinkedIn, we can kind of share that information as well.
39:12 Absolutely. So, um, we can be found at cornerstonesofcare.org.
39:17 So, a nonprofit organization and I'm on LinkedIn as Meredith Rose. Cornerstones of Care is also on LinkedIn. I know
39:25 we'll be tagged when we share the podcast. So, we'd love for folks to to come check us out. Um we like to say come alongside us in the work. While um
39:34 we always appreciate financial contributions. What we need is safe, caring adults and community members. So,
39:40 volunteer inind lift a hand mentor a youth. There's so many things that you can do to partner with us.
39:46 I love that. Well, Meredith, before we also hop off, I got to ask you that blind question. So, this is the end one.
39:51 Okay. If you could write a letter to your 19-year-old self, that teenage mom fresh out of foster care, what would you say?
39:59 Oh my gosh.
40:04 I'm going to go back to my first statement. Even today, you are never and you are not so far gone that you cannot
40:11 restore, rebuild, and thrive. Um, one day at a time. You can do one day at a time. It is.
40:19 Yeah, I love it.
40:20 It is. Well, Meredith, we appreciate you. Guys that are still watching, make sure you guys do like, subscribe, and comment. And go check out Meredith and the work that she's doing. So, you can check out on LinkedIn. She talked about
40:29 the uh the URL you guys can go find her at. And it's not all about the money. It's sometimes just you showing up,
40:36 being authentically you, and it changes lives. So, Meredith, we thank you so much. My name is Ephrain. We'll catch you on the next one. Lers. Bye.
39:12 🎯 Foster care alumni to nonprofit CEO leading 16,000 lives toward healing. In this powerful episode, Efrain sits down with Merideth Rose, President and CEO of Cornerstones of Care, to discuss her transformation from a foster kid expelled from school to a leader revolutionizing trauma-informed care across Missouri and Kansas.

Merideth shares the raw truth about her adoption story, the moment her aunt chose sacrifice over ambition, and how years of "bad behavior" were actually symptoms of unhealed trauma. This conversation goes deep into what it really takes to move from surviving trauma to healing through it, the neuroscience of adversity, and why "no money, no mission" is the uncomfortable reality every nonprofit leader must face.

🎯 KEY TAKEAWAYS:
14:17 345 episodes

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