How Growing Up Poor and Facing Bullying Fueled a Passion to Empower Youth

[0:16]  Welcome back to another episode here on the Heart and Hustle Podcast. We got Miss Sue. Sue, where are you located today?

[0:21]  today I'm in Northern Virginia, but I'm in the DC metro area.

[0:26]  Love it. Listen, I love that I get to speak to people virtually and you're also representing a pretty cool organization that we've haven't had on here. What is the organization that you represent?

[0:35]  Yeah, Asian American Lead and it stands for Asian American Leadership, Empowerment and Development for Youth and Families.

[0:42]  I'm glad you remembered it because I was trying to memorize it. I'm like, my God, this is the mouthful. Now I see what you guys abbreviated it. and what is your title?

[0:50]  So I'm the executive director at AA Lead.

[0:54]  Love it. And so how do you get there? How does someone like yourself get to that role?

[0:59]  If you would have told me 10 years ago even that this would be what I'm doing, I'd be like, you're out of your mind. I don't think so. so honestly, I started from volunteering about 18 years ago. I started volunteering, very like not even thinking I was gonna volunteer. someone came up to me and said, do, you know, we're doing this toy drive. Do you have some toys that you can donate to some kids? And I'm like, that's an easy lift. You know, all of us can come up with some toys. So that's what I did the first year. And then the second year, my friend asked me again to donate toys to A-Lead and I'm thinking, sure, you know, but everyone loves the fact that I love to cook and they, you know, I throw these amazing house parties. So, you know, people like bring wine and stuff that you don't even need. And I'm like, Okay, well instead of bringing me stuff I don't really use and need, why don't you bring an unwrapped present for the toy drive that I'm helping out? And so next thing you know, there was an entire carload full of presents. And the friend who had asked me to support that event said, Well, since you have so many gifts for the kids, why don't you come down to the community center and watch the kids get their gifts? And I would tell you that is where I was hook, line, and sinker. I saw kids just their faces light up, how happy they were, and you know.

[0:59]  Wow.

[2:26]  When your parents are worrying about the roof over their head or the food on the table, they're not really able to provide those really nice gifts most of the time. And so when I saw that, I was like, wow, this is amazing. And sometimes you even forget your own roots, right? Because growing up I didn't have any gifts. So it really kind of brought me back to center. And that's really how I got started with A Lead. Little did I know that I would end up

[2:38]  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[2:51]  You know, going from there to being a board member, eventually a board chair, interim executive director twice. And just, you know, here it is, eighteen years later I'm the executive director.

[3:04]  I love it. Chasing passion and purpose. I truly enjoy it. You know, I had a chance when I was really young, and I know you're looking at me like, shut up, Ephraim, you're still young. we're just talking about this. But where I had a nonprofit at really early, I was like 2020, 21, 22 years old. And we started off doing Thanksgiving, you know, providing meals and hitting out turkeys and really putting on an experience. But then we went to Christmas and kind of similar to you, people just knew I was doing the work, they were just donating all these gifts.

[3:04]  Yeah.

[3:33]  So I chose two families because it was so late in the game that year. So I chose two families to actually go visit on Christmas Day. And that was actually cool, you know, to go into these people's homes. It was really an eye opener because as you mentioned, they really don't have anything. But you know what? These kids are still happy. and and I would say mentally probably do experience some things because they do look at others, right? But I was it was just one of those things and the next year I said, I gotta do bigger and better. So we actually h hosted in a field where we were giving away, you know, more toys. And it it it is I can't wait. My my kids are young. They're one is gonna be three, one's gonna be five. But I can't wait to experience that with them. But I would tell you that we have our kids every year before they get new gifts to get rid of old toys and let them know that hey, these kids it's there's kids out there that need, you know, your toys. Even if they're old, some of them don't get anything. so it's just cool that we think about others. and I was just having a friend I was having a conversation with a friend. There's so many good people in this world Sue, you being one of them. That are really given to to to people that look like you. You know, and I'm not just talking about the color of our skins, but the stories that we come from. Sue, there's a story that that got you to even want to be here, to gift back, to to chase passion and purpose. What does that look like? Where where is Sue getting all this? I want to help, I want to make a difference coming from?

[4:55]  Well, I was made in China. My joke is that my joke is that I got shipped here with all the stuff that comes from Walmart. But anyway, yeah, I often have people like, you know, think that, you're Asian American, your parents must have been rich, you must have had everything that you needed. But that was far from the truth. we went to

[5:08]  Ha ha ha. I could

[5:21]  And you're not from this area, but just so you know, southeast, especially like forty years ago, and s you're gonna start like figuring out my age, but that was the worst neighborhoods in DC. And that's where I grew up. I grew up there where it was eleven of us in a two bedroom apartment. And my bedroom was the walk-in closet. That I shared with my sister who was three years older than me. And when you talk about furniture, we didn't have any furniture. So we didn't even have a dresser to put what little clothes we had in it. We fold our clothes and put it on the floor where the feet where our feet kind of is as we lay on the floor. There's no mattress. It doesn't fit in a walk-in closet. So, you know, we slept on that floor for several years. and my parents own a mom and pop, you know, carry out. And so, you know, people think, your parents don't have a restaurant. No, it's a mama pop carryout. We had no employees. I was the employee. I was ten years old. My dad built a little stool, kind of like a bench that I could stand on. I mean stand on, and I was cooking steak and cheese on the grill. I was standing in front of fryer at ten years old, frying chicken wings up with french fries and mumbo sauce. I was

[6:03]  Mm-hmm.

[6:45]  you know, shucking clams because it was a raw bar. And we sowed like two thousand clams a week. And if you kinda look at my hands, they're really old and everything because they s they were constantly in that cold water shucking it. So growing up poor, I remember like way back in the day when we first got to America and they didn't really have money to buy us clothes. Mom would wait.

[6:50]  Yeah. Wow.

[7:14]  until people went to bed in the apartment complexes. And when she took the trash down, she looked to see if people were throwing out old clothes. Cause they eventually became my clothes. and then, you know, sometimes people recognize that clothes and they laugh at me and kind of bully me and tease me in school. And so growing up not having, you always think about like when I get older, what do I want to do? And so when I got older, I was like, I want to make sure that I work hard.

[7:14]  Mm.

[7:41]  That I save money, that I want to give my kids all the things I didn't have. And then with Aid Lead, I always, when I was young, think thought about like starting a nonprofit or doing something to give back to women and children. And so when I found Aid Lead, I was like, why do I need to start a nonprofit? There's one that's there. And they're doing all the things that I would love to do. And so that was my way of like helping sort of the next generation, hopefully not have to struggle the same way that I did.

[8:11]  Yeah. Did you know, Sue? I guess you you mentioned the bullying so possibly, but did you experience like did you know you guys were poor? Or was it those moments that reminded you, I would say?

[8:25]  I do think that when you don't know there's rich, you don't even know that you're poor. And the one thing is in that neighborhood there was no one in my school that looked like me. there were just drug dealers that hung out all day long outside of our carryout. And like a couple of them would say to me, Little girl, it's not safe to go to school. Let me walk you to school. And so don't walk me to school. And then in the afternoon I come back, the delivery guys are delivering merchandise to our little carryout. They're getting robbed by some of the same kind of guys that are hanging out outside. But when you live in that environment, one thing I would say is over time, like there was always that ching chang chung getting laughed at. You know, that part you kind of knew like you're different. People would come up to me and just want to touch my hair. They're like, Can I touch your hair? I've never even seen anyone with hair like yours, right? So there's that and you know you're different. You know that you want to fit in. But over time I would say the community accepted me. and you just became like everyone else. I did have to fight like five different boys in elementary school and mostly because they were like making fun of me and I was like, Well, I'm not letting that happen. but I I think that when you grow up not knowing what else is out there.

[8:25]  Yeah.

[9:50]  you think that this is this is it. And so that's really for me, like I never met anyone who had a college degree. No one in my family had one. I never met anyone who was like Asian and a lawyer or doctor. I don't even think we ever went to see a doctor when I was young, right? So that's where like you only know what you see. You only know what's in your environment.

[10:03]  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[10:16]  And that's why I'm so big on like AA Leads kids getting exposure. Exposure to like career day. Exposure to seeing people that look like them. Not because, you know, you know, you gotta be Asian to be a part of AA Lead. No, it's just because when you see that, you can kind of resonate and say, and we had a young lady who met an Asian female attorney. And after that career day, she went up to that attorney and said, I didn't even know Asian women could be attorneys. And that wasn't that long ago. That was like maybe ten years ago. And so for her to even say that, right, now you planted a seed in her head, like, maybe that could be me, right? Or maybe it could be that I could do something else that I didn't even think that I could do. So I think that is the value to organizations like AA Lead, that you give young people hope, that you let them see that you're not limited. And

[10:50]  Wow. Yeah.

[11:12]  People think you have to be Asian to be an A lead. No, you don't. No, you don't. We're like sixty percent Asian American. So there's an Asian American focus. But we're like forty percent of all other communities of color. Cause you gotta learn to be together, work together, and support each other regardless of what your color is.

[11:25]  I love it. Love it. And what are some of the programs you guys offer at AA Lead?

[11:38]  Yeah, everything that we offer is free, which I love the word free. after school. Free. but after school summer mentorships. And so what that looks like is after school programming, it really fills that gap. When that school bell rings, you know your parents aren't getting off work at two thirty three in the afternoon. No, they're not. And so those are the times when I think it's the recipe for disaster.

[11:44]  Did you say free?

[12:07]  Because kids are looking for something that keeps themselves busy and that's how they get messed up into gangs. That's how they go home, create trouble. So we give them a safe space. And our program kicks off in the schools that we're at and we provide them culturally responsive programming. So there's things that they're learning outside of that. But we really work with them on identity. Who are you? Right. And you I think that's something even as adults we're struggling with our identity, right? So we help them with their identity, educational empowerment, and really leadership opportunities. and so that's how after school works. we fill that gap between, you know, when school ends and when the parents come home. Our summer program is about to kick off next week, five weeks. Free summer programming. I mean, you all who are paying for summer kids know how much that costs.

[14:49]  Yeah. Wow.

[14:52]  And if folks are just worrying about keeping their family, you know, with food and shelter again, right? They're not affording childcare like in in that way in the summer. So we are ten to three and the kids come to us Monday through Thursday with instructional things, things we're doing in the classrooms, but on Friday they get to be kids and they go on a field trip and again It's all free. Like even tickets to get into somewhere, just for them to like feel like, hey, it's summer, we're gonna do something really cool and fun. and then mentoring. I love mentoring. Mentoring has no boundaries, and what that means is if we're not in your school, we can still take your youth. So if you're listening on this podcast and you're thinking about like, how do I get my kids into A Lee? But you're not even in my school, well, that's okay because reach out to us, right? 'Cause they can join mentoring. Mentoring has no boundaries in that sense. And so we take youths from age eight to eighteen. And what I love about mentoring is that most young people aren't going to tell the parents everything. In fact, they're probably trying to hide as much as they can from you, right? But with the mentoring, we vet all of our mentors and they're usually young professionals. So the youth can connect with them. They see them like a big brother, big sister. And so they really help them

[14:56]  Hundred percent. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[15:00]  with developing their social emotional learning skills and just like really being that person to bond with them and connect.

[15:03]  You you mentioned free. How does it become free? Is this like people just donating to the cause to make this free? Is this government funds making this free? Like how does it become free for to for others?

[15:07]  Yeah, that's where they make people like me work really hard. So the AE lead budget annually is about one point four million. And about half of that comes from government funds. And the other half comes from me looking for grant opportunities to apply for, foundations, corporations to really connect and align and support us. And of course, individual donations and support. we do run

[15:11]  Ha ha ha.

[15:15]  an annual dinner once a year and a golf tournament. Those are our two big fundraisers. But really it's just individual people. You'd be surprised. I think, you know, in different times in history where we've had tragedies happen, just regular people like really step up to the plate and and they give because they want to let you know that they're standing in solidarity with you. So, you know, just anybody can support AE Lee.

[15:42]  I I love that you say just normal people. You just never know. And leading an organization, I always say that it's like you don't know who's going to give if you don't ask. And we run into people all the time that says, Hey, I'm willing to give, but no one's ever asked me. Right? Like, I I love that you just kind of mentioned that part. And it's just cool to know that you guys are running this free because I just had a conversation because the the nonprofit I have is well not have but run is tied to a high school. And the high school athletic director tells me, Hey, after school I have all these kids around the I guess the athletic building and I gotta send them away because there's no teachers to watch them. So I gotta send them off campus and all that. He says, But I don't wanna do that. Like how do we find someone to help these kids and and maybe we can help them and allow us to use, you know, open I think like a like a gym. So maybe they could go work out, right? I think mentally that helps when people go work out. Maybe we do have a tutor that helps them or as you mentioned, leadership skills. and it's sad that We don't have those funds within budgets for school districts to be able to provide that. So here you guys go to really providing something that is really needed. and a lot of it you mentioned in your district where you kind of grew up is needed, right? This is what makes the difference. Big believer that one person in you know, one story in that one moment changing somebody's life, it's a mentor. There was teachers that allowed me to be who I am today because they believed in me. It will only take it only takes one person to believe in you and to say, hey, I see you. And that's what you guys are are creating pretty pretty damn cool. What is the age ranges that you guys work with when it comes to students?

[17:14]  Yeah, we have students from age eight to eighteen. but one thing I really want to sort of make this appeal to your listeners is if you're a parent, or even if you're not a parent, you're an aunt, an uncle, or you just are a good neighbor, there are a lot of resources out there, but you have to go ask for them, you have to go search for them, but they're available. And so I love that, you know, hopefully everyone here wants to donate to Aid Lead and support us. But I want to say there are a lot of really great organizations that out there that are doing good work. It's more important for me that young people get to some of these programs. Because a lot of times when the parents are working those 10, 12 hours a day, they don't have time to be positive and support their kids. They're not trying to be mean. They're not trying to not support them, but it's the last thing on your mind. But when they're in an environment where people hear them, when people support them. That is when you're really making an impact and difference to a youth. So if it's not an elite that's in your neighborhood, look for something because there are a lot of resources. And you talk about cuts this past year and a half has been a tragedy for A Lee, but so many nonprofits like us. We've had funding cuts up the wazoo because governments have had some priority changes and things like that. some of the corporations are trying to fit into that.

[17:14]  Yeah.

[18:44]  priority shift, right? And so who's getting the raw end of the deal? It's the young people. It's our youth, right? And so we have to look at like what's next year going to look like with the cuts that we have. We've lost over 200,000 in funding this year. It's a lot of money. And so you have to think like where is those kids going to be? because you know that can impact easily 120 kids.

[28:11]  Yeah, yeah.

[28:11]  So so that's something to really think about.

[28:11]  I I'm already thinking about what you you know, the whole free idea because one of the things that the athletic director was asking was like for seventy thousand dollars, right? Or so so keep someone on campus. But those organizations like you mentioned that people are doing this already. Like go find and build the relationships. I think that's so important. Sue, you being the executive director, what are some of the the you have to do and the don't do's for someone that maybe Becoming a leader, executive director today, then you're looking for the do's and don'ts.

[28:11]  I would say for me, a lot of what I learned growing up was just give first, work hard first. I think there's a different mentality. I I'm gonna say this for all of my young staff that are hearing me. and it's not just my staff, but just in general. The young people are growing up, going like, yeah, when you pay me, I'm gonna do this. And when when you pay me more, I'm gonna do that. But growing up in my generation, it was more like,

[28:11]  Mm. Go ahead, go ahead.

[28:11]  How do I know I want to pay you, right? And so for me, I did a lot of extras for free, right? And so I always and I tell my kids the same thing. I have three kids. And I said, you know, my daughter started internship at Morgan Stanley and she was like the water cooler conversations. Her colleagues were like, you know, they're not giving us enough. They're paying. And I said, honey, I just want to let you know, I wouldn't pay you guys a doggone penny. You know, you guys don't know anything, right?

[28:11]  Yeah. Ha ha ha.

[28:11]  I said, but here's what I want you to do differently than your friends. Come early. Stay late. Always smile to the adult walking past you and just smile and say hi. Even if you don't know how to say anything else, why they notice you. Because there's just a room, there's tons of people there, right? But they'll always remember that person that always smiled and said hi. So when they're thinking, who do they want to give an opportunity to? You gotta stand out from the crowd. And so that's what I would really encourage young people. Like, I know it's hard. I know you don't even have to say a lot. Just smile. Say hi or even just smile if you don't want to open your mouth. But work hard, come early, stay late, and always ask your supervisor, your boss, or even someone who's working sidelined to them, hey, is there something I can help you with? Because people like that. It is the positive attitude that gets you where you need to be. It's not always the sports.

[28:11]  Okay. I'll I'll add s two things to it. I'm actually ask you a question on from what you just said, 'cause I think there's the other side to that. But I did also want to mention that someone says that's why working from home sucks because you don't see the person that's early. You don't see the person that's working hard. You don't see the person that's probably staying up late when they're not supposed to to get the work done right. And so if you have the opportunity to really be in person, it's go be in person. Like no one knows what they're doing at home behind closed doors, even though you're putting in all the work. But the question that I wanna ask on top of that is cool, say I'm doing all that, right? I'm showing up and I'm doing all the things you just mentioned, but when do I know my worth? When do I realize that I put in all that and they don't s they don't see me? What do I do then?

[28:11]  I do think that there is a time to cut your losses and to look somewhere else, right? But I would say that I would easily give it like six months to a year. It's not, you know, it's not something like, I did this for a week and I didn't get no results, right? So I would say, you know, and certainly like for her it was a summer internship. They gave her a job offer right after summer, like was ending, right? And they waited a year for her to graduate from college before she started the opportunity. So

[28:12]  Yeah.

[31:12]  I would say like, do what you can, but there are times when people will start to take advantage of you, right? And so that's where know your worth. But also realize you're gaining knowledge and experience. That's what you're getting out of it. And so the more sort of dirty extra work you're doing for free, you need to shift your mindset to understand that that might be what I'm doing for free, but in each task you learn something. And so the question to ask yourself is.

[34:13]  Yep. Love it.

[34:13]  What did I learn out of this and how did I gain it? Because I don't have a college degree. I didn't have a college degree. I'm where I am today because I had to learn everything on my own. You know, once I got out into the big world out there, they were like, you need a profit and loss and a balance sheet. I had like back in my day, there was no like Google chat GBT. Forget that, right? So I'm like, what the heck is a balance sheet?

[34:13]  Efrain:

[35:18]  So, you know, you just kinda like, can you show me an example of what you're looking for? And I'm like, they give it to me and I'm like, I do that. I look at my revenues because I opened a a little I grew up, I said, I'm never gonna open a restaurant. Never, never, never. And then, you know, you graduate and you're kind of trying to figure out what am I gonna do with my life, and you don't have any skill sets other than what you knew. So you end up opening a carryout in Hydesville, Maryland. It's called China Sub Shop.

[36:24]  Yeah. Love it.

[37:02]  Like a China. Like that was the name of my place, the first one. I was 18 years old. And I knew how to count my money at night. I knew how to pay my bills. so revenue and expenses, like, hello, but I didn't know what they were called. And so so much of me was like trying era. But when you fall, just get back up. Because if I just wallow in that sort of like I messed up.

[37:40]  Mm-hmm.

[38:18]  You're never gonna get yourself to the next level, right? So I didn't have a lot of that luxury. I had to make money, I had to support a family, you know, all of that. So it's I don't know. I if you asked me now how I did it, I couldn't even tell ya.

[38:56]  No, s everything that you said Sue, you're really dropping some gems. It is showing up. It is putting in the work when no one else is even watching because it's not for them. Sometimes it is for you and any job that I've ever been to, and I haven't had too many, but any job that I want is what's in it for me. What am I learning? the last job was I was a facilitator for airline industry and and I gave myself one a time frame, but knowing as I becoming a facilitator for this company is to become a better speaker. To be able to speak to anyone and everyone. And then I got to travel the world. Like, how cool was that? And all these opportunities are really learning lessons. Just like you, I don't have a college degree. I'm like, I'm actually two classes away from associates. But it was so funny because I remember doing the work and then going to college side by side and thinking to myself, why am I coming to school to learn something that I'm doing hands-on? The balance sheets, right? All these things I was already doing. And so I always say people cannot outwork me. I don't discredit anybody that went and spent the time to get a a piece of paper, is how I call it. But my work ethic would always beat anybody that has that black and white because you can't teach people skills. You can't teach service skills, right? You can teach someone to be authentically them. And so why we win is because we're authentically us. We show up as us every single time. We've understand where our past is, but also how that us also helps us, right? There was so much to learn. Even in the situations that you're in with your family. Like I think there was a lot of learning lessons in those moments. It but now it's like we're really fertilizing the future and I really want to talk about fertilizing the future in a good way 'cause you mentioned your granddaughter. How are we fertilizing the future? How is your daughter fertilizing the future into your granddaughter? What is she doing nowadays?

[39:34]  Well, I have to tell you, I'm way too old to be hanging out with the grandkids. But my daughter just came back but she right before she left, she went for like a two week vacation. She hadn't been her her husband worked so hard too. So I was like, just go. It was her girlfriend's wedding abroad. And so I had to like ask what is the patterns and things I need to do for my granddaughter who's almost three. Her name is Charlotte. And my daughter's like,

[40:12]  Yeah. Yeah.

[40:43]  Okay, in the morning she likes to wake up and do her affirmations. And I'm like a three year old? You know, like she'll be three in July. And she says, Yeah, she likes to go to my bathroom with a big mirror and she says, in the mirror, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am smart, and I am loved. And I'm like, Wow, no one even said any of those things to me growing up, but

[41:14]  Love it.

[41:14]  This is the difference, right? We can totally shift the culture and environment for the kids. Because if she's at this age thinking and starting because you say it, you're gonna start believing it, right? And so, you know, I have to say the world needs to watch out because Charlotte you might need more Charlotte's. So think about that could be something great just to pick up and really help the younger people because

[41:14]  Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hundred percent, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[41:14]  It was something you just said about believing. Someone believed in you, right? If you would have told me this is what I'm doing, I said I would never be doing this. But I used to be fearful as an adult to talk to someone with a PhD. I just didn't think I was good enough to even have a conversation with them. And I had a really good sort of friend mentor, Bond, who would like say to me, you gotta have the bad days to appreciate the good days. And he was always there to kind of like push me and believe in me and tell me that I could do things. And when I didn't believe in myself, I borrowed his belief. And so then, you know, you start like getting the small wins that then really you continue to build on. So I would say, you know, if there's an opportunity and it doesn't have to be your own kit, it could be anyone's kids, right? You can certainly give back in that way. And that's something that's so easy to do. It doesn't cost you anything. But to be honest and believe in someone. That's amazing.

[41:14]  Yeah. Yeah. I it goes back to that one person that could change a life. and I'm glad that you mentioned that 'cause that's actually my next question is who believed in you? Because we didn't get here by ourselves, right? obviously God has really blessed us and and took us on this path to be here, but he also put people in those paths that believed in us. And I go back to and I say it all the time, is Don Fertman. And even though I don't speak to that man all the time, I was nineteen, twenty years old when he called me a rock star. And when he said, If I if my son grows up to be anything like you, I'll be a happy father. And I cherished those words. you know, I cherish when people told me that because there was times I didn't believe in myself. You know, I just knew that I had to keep going. And even now I sit here and smile because I've made some crazy decisions in my life, right? To risk it all. And I had to ask my wife as am I comfortable? And am I a risk taker? And she says, when it comes to something that you know it is at home and it can wait, you're comfortable. But when you know you gotta go get it, you're a risk taker. And I'm pretty sure Sue, that is you. You know, when you know you had to go get it, when you had this belief as a little girl that says, I will not Relive this, I'm going to make do better, and you are doing so much better, not only for your own family, but for others. And that in itself just shows the strength in you. but I really want to ask, what did you learn from your youth? Because we talk about it, you know, sometimes people may think that we're just speaking negatively on it, but I think there's so much positive that actually happened within those moments as well that allow us to be who who we are today. What do you think you take from those moments when you say it's you and I think 10 other siblings living in a household when Families always together. Cause that's also something that I had to kind of learn from my wife. You know, she grew up with grandma and and mom and and aunt and all these things. So I just told you my mother in law lives with me and it's like it was the weirdest thing. It's like, Did you marry your mom? Like w why are you you know I mean, 'cause I didn't have that experience. But what do you take from being in a in a house of eleven?

[41:14]  Yeah, I would say that you need to look at yourself as either the victim or the person that's like gonna be like making that change. all throughout childhood I hated my mom and dad. I just kind of blame them. and even when they got to some level of success, they never like let us think that we had anything.

[41:14]  Mm-hmm.

[41:14]  So we always lived way below our means. even when they started to like get a little bit ahead. And I used to like just and I grew up in a really kind of somewhat abusive household. So it was, you know, it was never the cared approach, put it that way. I did a lot of self-help courses, a lot growing up, just to try to figure out how to understand that. I think the biggest thing that I learned in that was my mom parented me the way she was parented. And my mom was parented with the stick every day. And she didn't have a break. She never even went to elementary school in China. They lived in a village and they had nothing. And she's the oldest daughter, so she cooked and cleaned. That was her job. To cook and clean as a young person for her whole family. And so I think what I learned growing up with the struggles is

[41:14]  Mm-hmm.

[41:14]  I would not be who I am today if my past was different. And rather than hate my mom for how or I grew up or what I didn't have, I looked at it as it made me a stronger person. And so I need to look at it like that's we're all different, right? And take the wins, right? And then try to grow and build from that. So I could totally continue to like wallow in the hate. but at some point I forgave her. Because I realized that if I don't, and I'm gonna be like really honest, at one point I was beating my daughter too, my oldest daughter, she'll probably tell you that. I'm a music. You parent the way you know how to parent, unless you learn there's something different. And so what I I really did was work on me. And once I worked on me, I was able to shift how I parent.

[41:14]  Ha ha ha.

[41:14]  And my kids actually tell me now, just so you know, they're not kids, they're in their thirties. And they're like, Mom, you're so much a better mom because of AA lead. but that's because I'm working with young people and I'm trying to like shut up and hear them, hear what they want and what they need. And so I try to like practice that a little bit better as a mom, instead of like telling them, You need to do this or else, you know.

[41:14]  Yeah. Yeah. That's a good lesson though, right? Yeah. No, that's a good lesson. And I'm learning as a leader is to listen, listen more, right? there's so much to be heard. I love it. I love I think we're very similar. I had to learn grace, you know, from my mother. thirty years old, you mentioned this a little earlier actually, but at thirty years old my mom after I told her how I felt, 'cause I was at thirty years old I felt confident enough to finally have this conversation. And it was really because I had a daughter that I wanted to tell her to use her voice to be able to to speak up. Right, because I felt like I didn't have that in my life. I hell I felt I was almost mute in my own home for s for a long time. So school was where I got in trouble because I just wouldn't shut up. But I told my my my mom how I felt and her response to what you mentioned earlier, I'm so sorry I did the best I could with what I knew. Because her past, it's how she grew up, right? She grew up in Puerto Rico where she was sticks, switches, belts, whatever the heck they they found. and now I think she realizes it as a grandmother more than ever. But also because how she seeds like for me, I'm building this relationship with her. You know, it was to me when I left home, I could care less. I I didn't go back. I would see my mom once a year and she lived 10 minutes down the street. But that's just kind of the relationship that was kind of built in the house. And I had to as I started to learn grace and I started to learn that, you know, this is a woman that has seven kids and truly did the best she could of what she had. And when I think about her life, she was actually the one that was breaking the cycles. You know, she had to make those sacrifices. And she was looked at on from her own family as the good one, right? The rich one, the one that, but in reality, we were still struggling. You know, she just did a really good job. This is someone that didn't graduate, you know, college, but still went, didn't graduate high school, but still went to go make something for herself. And I now realize, you know what, as a child, you don't see it. But you realize a sacrifice. something you mentioned a little earlier. I didn't even notice this and my brother brought this up. So I was adopted with my brother and my logical sister. And my brother mentioned years later to my mom, You've never said I love you. I didn't even realize that, right? And my mom's my mom, I guess, asked me that question. I was like, I honestly, I didn't notice, right? And she's like, But everything I did like showed that I love you. But sometimes we got to hear the words, right? Because we don't even know what love looks like. and I struggle with that in my own relationship. What does love look like? What is talking about something look like? I used to go to bed and not talk to my wife when we got an arguments. My wife's like, uh-uh, we don't do that here. Right. There was a lot of things that I've had to really learn because I just didn't see that at home. So Sue, you've clearly took everything you've learned and and you've made success out of it. and I ask you, what are you pouring into leaders? These the new leaders, you you're working now with a next generation and you talked about building leaderships. What is One thing that you love to tell others that you live by. What is that advice?

[41:14]  I think giving people a chance. when I see someone new with potential, like and sometimes they might not even know or see their potential, I start to really believe in them and try to encourage them. I think and I hope that I'm a better listener, but really like allowing them to see themselves and be more positive. I think growing up in especially in Asian American traditional household, a lot of it was keep your mouth shut. Especially you're a girl. my God. but letting the young people speak, letting them have a mind, sometimes also letting them try something and fail is just as good as letting them try something to win. And then if it didn't turn out the way they want, just encourage them. Like, hey, that's the way it's supposed to be. You're not supposed to get on a bike and know how to ride it the first time. You're supposed to fall. Right? And so I think that's how we are growing our leaders at AA Lead. We're looking for opportunities for them and we connect them to those opportunities. We coach them through it. we've had youth that never spoke before speak. I have had the privilege in the 18 years of being with A Lead to watch young people who come in shy, timid, who don't even know they have a voice.

[41:14]  Mm.

[41:14]  and over the course of the years working with Ailey, 'cause A Lee is not a one year in and out program. You know, these milf most have youth stay for years and years. And so because youth development work takes time. You don't just say to person, you're amazing and tomorrow they just go, I'm amazing. It takes time, right? So you have to continue to believe in them. You have to continue to nurture them, right? And help them grow and and monitor that progress. But I see by the time they've done our programs or even like

[41:14]  Yeah.

[41:14]  after a while, I can't get them to stop talking. And and they're just amazing. And so when you like hear them and you see them in action, we have something called youth council, where we run it almost like a board of directors. And the youth have to do a resume. We help them take pictures and put up their LinkedIn profiles. and you know we just found out one of our youth council, he's not Asian, he's black.

[41:14]  Okay.

[41:18]  And he is in DC public schools and he's Val Victorian of his class. And I was reading his story and he's been in Amy like I think more about ten years. So it's not like, you know, it it it takes time. But that constant and then they just did a presentation for our board of directors on health inequities. They get to choose a topic they want to do each year and they they chose that and

[41:22]  Wow. Wow.

[41:26]  Boy, when they did that presentation, I'm like, the mayor needs to see this. just because they're brilliant. And and so when you when you really allow young people to shine, they do. They do.

[41:31]  Yeah, yeah. That's so cool. I love it. And so as we wrap up, where can people find more information? Are you guys on social? What is the website? There's so much good things that you guys are doing. I want people to really be able to tap in with you guys.

[41:35]  Yeah, simple. A-a-l-e-a-d dot org. That is our website. And if you go to our website, you can find out so much information. Apply to be a volunteer, a mentor, donate. you can see our youth council fellows right on there, read about them. but there's just so much great work that we're doing. And if you're not in a DC area, like I said, there's a lot of good youth organizations. Our young people is where we need to invest in. They are our future. And if you look around at the craziness in the world, hello, we build that too. So let's build something different. Let's build something better. And start with our young people.

[41:39]  So Sue, I would say at some point you gotta take up comedy. I think you're pretty funny as well. I'm just saying guys, if you guys are still watching, this has truly been a great conversation. But these are the leaders that I'm talking about that show up as authentically as them, that are fertilizing the future, and not really asking for anything in return because it's not about the paychecks that we do it for. It's about the passion, it's about the purpose. It's about truly looking at the young version of ourselves and knowing that We wanted something different and we want to be that something different. And Sue, you're doing a phenomenal job, not just for your community, but for your own kids, now your grandkids. continue to be amazing. If you guys wanna go and continue to tap in, make sure you guys visit the website. make sure you guys like, subscribe, and comment so more people can see the conversation that's happening with with people like Sue. I'm Efrain. Sue, we'll catch you in the next one. Latest.

[41:44]  Thank you.