"92-Year-Old's Ice Cream Changed Everything" - Parker Wells on Dignity in Senior Care

[0:16]  Welcome back to another episode here on the Heart Hustle Podcast. The average caregiver is a 49year-old woman probably juggling kids, maybe work, and maybe her parents' meds. While we all call it home care, some would call this a battlefield. However, Mr. Parker, this guy is making that battlefield a place of dignity, innovation, and legacy. Parker, I ask you, you said this work isn't just about home care. It's about honor. Where did that sense of duty actually start for you?

[0:46]  You know, it started at a very young age, actually before I was even born, right? My my father was a hospital administrator and he was the administrator of the hospital I was actually born at and he got to rush down to the delivery room, watch me be born, then rush right back out. And uh since then I've kind of been always in and around healthc care and I had a really great opportunity to watch my father kind of grow up um in healthcare administration and I developed at a very young age a deep connection with my grandparents as well. And somewhere around high school age, as I was spending more time with my grandparents, uh my father left a kind of corporate world and went into this little known space called home care. He uh purchased a small inhome care business and the the the purpose of that business was to help seniors who wanted to remain safe at home. And so I got to watch now the the this kind of coupling of healthcare administration with now administering to seniors and keeping them safe. And it really resonated with me from a from an early early age. And so as I kind of got into college and out out of out of college, I saw um the need and and and desire for me to want to work with seniors, whether that was in a clinical capacity and I thought about going to medical school or more in an administrative capacity, which I ended up choosing later in my career. Um it's really a beautiful thing to watch people uh help people solve problems through healthcare.

[2:26]  You know, I'm a big believer that kids don't listen to us, but they watch us. And perfect example, Parker, like maybe you weren't listening to your dad the way that he wanted you to listen, but you were definitely seeing everything around him, man. Do you remember some of the things you walking up and down a hospital? First of all, yeah,

[2:40]  actually, let's go back. I think it's super cool that you were born, your dad's in the same hospital, right? Could rush down like as parents, we create these opportunities for ourselves, right? And what a great opportunity. You've also created an opportunity for yourself, we just mentioned where you have the flexibility to um work from home at times to be there for your kids. How important is family to you actually before we even move forward? How important is to have that relationship, that work life balance?

[3:07]  I mean, that that is everything, right? That is why we're here. That's kind of a purpose behind this social structure of a family is that we learn to rely on each other. We learn to need each other. And I like what you said. I mean our our children they may not say something but they see something and our I was a very visual learner as a child and I think the same is is within the family structure. Our children watch us. They mirror us. Um and I've got I've got a you know 16 year old at home all the way down to four years old and everything in between. And and it's so funny to watch the uh our children grow and develop, right? They become they develop their personalities, they develop their traits and attributes and and similarly those things translate over now in into parenting. And as we start working with our our aging parents, right? Our strengths and weaknesses are are benefits to helping our parents navigate a new world, so to speak. And that's so important. I mean our families are everything to us but we can't do it all right. I can't do mom, dad and and provider and all things. We have to kind of divide and conquer. But going back to like family as a very young age, you know, my my my father's mother left a profound impact on me and it was somebody that I grew very close to and maintained a strong connection to. And she passed away from cancer when I was about 18 years old. And I'll never forget, you know, her final years of just wanting to be with her family, just wanting to be at home and having support so that she could do that. And that again is something that I benefited from. And I take that into this career that I've chosen to try to help other families and other people that are in similar situations to be able to have that ability to stay at home and to be with your family because that's that is the purpose of of our lives is to be with those we love. So

[5:11]  absolutely absolutely we actually have gone through a moment now with my uh sister where her husband is having heart failure. His heart was like 15%. And um you know my mom called and she my sister's like two hours out. None of us have seen her since she moved out there a year ago. And she says hey this is a time where we have to come together for family you know and I'm not asking financially but I'm asking for you guys to be there for her. There's seven of there's yeah seven of us. So it's we have to be there for her in a time of need, you know, and it is true like that's what matters the most is that in time of needs that we can all show up together because of course life be lifing Parker, you know, but as you mentioned to me, oh man, I was a little excited that you sent me this on Friday, but a little bit like down about it because it it is true. We have to take those moments to to be there with with our family. We only have that one chance. And I ask you, man, kind of go back to that question. You're walking up and down, I could imagine, these hospitals at an early age with your father. anything really sticks out to you?

[6:08]  Yeah, I remember as a kid uh my dad came home one day and he had a U-Haul with him and I thought, man, are we are we moving? It's like, no, um we need to go help somebody. And it was actually one of his employees um was in a tough spot and needed some help. Uh had to change apartments last minute. And while she was at work, we were we went to go to her apartment and help pack up her things and help move her from one apartment to another. And I will never forget my dad telling me, you know, we're doing this to help this employee because she's out helping somebody else. And kind of that back to that sense of family, right? The only thing we have to contribute to one another is our time and our talents, right? And our love. And um kind of fast forward after my grandma passed away, I spent a couple of years down in Brazil on a on a church service mission. And I learned very quickly that we're not all blessed with the same, I'll say, luxuries of life, right? We're not all blessed into the same economic factors, but we are blessed to have and to be able to create connections with people. And I built some very strong relationships with people that literally had nothing. Lived in cardboard houses or, you know, shanty towns in Brazil, but the most humble and kind and caring people. And they showed me compassion, right? When I didn't speak their language, didn't know their culturals. I didn't know their their norms. Um, but they had compassion on me. And I will never forget that experience in Brazil impacting my desire to help other people and to meet them where they were at, right? To meet people where they stood and understanding that I have something to give. I have something to help. I could do something to improve their life. And that kind of translated later on into the formation of our company and the formation of kind of our mission, vision, values. I uh I think it's funny. I I feel like everyone should experience what it looks like to go to another country and see poverty at its finest, right? Because it truly does open eyes. Um I went to South Africa two, three years back and I loved it. You know, first of all, I think when we talk about South Africa or Africa in general, all I ever knew was what I've seen on TV or I learned in school. That's all I learned. So I go and it's actually a beautiful place but as you mentioned the love they showed me I was so scared or terrified but I went there for work purposes. I spent three weeks and you would think I'm from there the way that I speak about South Africa but this is a place where I was also I I would always come with a new bottle of water every day and the student asked me hey friend why do you always have a new bottle of water? For me it was normal. This is what I do every day right? Drink a bottle of water. I said well you have a bottle don't you drink a bottle of water every day? He's like, I have to go to the faucet, fill it up, put it in the fridge so that it feels cold so when I drink it, right? Or sitting electricity. There was times I was teaching four hours a day with no electricity. And to think that these people got to go home depending on what time of night may not have time to cook dinner,

[9:25]  right? But still was sitting willing to learn. Showed me so much love as you mentioned. Um, even just recently, earlier today, I I have a virtual assistant in the Philippines and I said, I'm always thinking, how can I help her become a better version of herself, a young girl? She I said, "Hey, do you have a mouse?" Like, something has a mouse, right? We take for granted cuz I hate using a laptop without a mouse. And then she says, "Um, I don't have a mouse." And I was like, "Hey, I can send you the money. Like, can you tell me how much a mouse is?" She sends me, literally before I got on with you, she sent me a picture of her mouse. And she says, "This is the first mouse I've ever had that was actually mine. I used to have to either borrow someone's or it was a handme-down, but this is a Bluetooth one that is name brand. I thank you so much.

[10:06]  And I'm sitting here like I use mouses every day.

[10:09]  But people don't have that ability to live the way that we live, you know? So, I love that your your story of Brazil was kind of a

[10:16]  an eye openener for you and I feel like we all have to go through those moments because we don't and we don't realize it till it's too late at times. Um, and I love I love that it seems like you guys were really close, mom, dad. I mean, you said grandma was in the picture.

[10:29]  Yeah.

[10:29]  What are some of the things you learned from that family that you still bring into your family now? Those values that you remember?

[10:36]  Yeah. I think, you know, kindness and compassion go a long way. Um, I need to be reminded of that all the time.

[10:43]  Um, I've learned that, you know, forgiveness is key to any relationship long term. We all make mistakes. H how do you move on from that? How do you learn from that? You know, people fail and that's that's a part of life. I think that's part of learning. Um, we often times associate failure with a negative thing or something bad to be avoided when in reality that's the only way to progress or to learn is through failure. And I've seen that in business and I'm trying to understand that in in my own family, right? As I have a teenage daughter and a toddler at the same time, how can I coach them, teach them or mentor them? And I need to be reminded that, you know, nobody is perfect in myself included. Um, and back to that, you know, Brazilian experience or being outside of the United States, you know, we do take these creature comforts, whether that's a mouse or AC, for granted. And I think part of a family and part of, you know, expanding our own perspective on life, is is being humble about it. Um, and I've seen that in in what I do every day. uh we work with patients and families that that some of them have achieved an immense amount of wealth and status and uh accolades you know within society in the world. um people who kind of run a lot, very powerful individuals, but they are no different than the humble school teacher or janitor or whoever that also now is at the end of their life in the need of some assistance from another person. So, it's interesting. We all kind of get up and we all have to get dressed the same way or we all, you know, have to go through the same routines and struggles, but we are not very different. We're we're more connected and more like each other than we are different from one another. And I think that's something you see in a family whether you have kids or not. Something that I learned from my parents, you know, is to to forgive and forget and to, you know, be able to work hard. My grandmother um I'll never forget, you know, she had a property that we'd go to with some orange trees and we'd have to pick weeds all the time and I hated it, you know, and she would tell me that Parker, without picking the weeds, you can't enjoy the sweetness of the fruit. And I think that that's a lesson that I learned early in life was, you know, you have to sometimes go through the weeds to to get to the fruit and to get to the things that are savory in life. You know, you kind of have to struggle sometimes, but you don't struggle alone, right? you know that somebody's maybe done that before or been through it before or somebody's gone through this experience and and again kind of tying that back into what I do today. Man, I see so many times that it's a it's a family's first experience with dementia or with cancer. But there's many people who have been down this road before, many people who have walked that path. And having people to guide you through those moments in life that are tough is super helpful, super important. And I think that's what my grandmother did, my parents did, my in-laws do for me today. Um, and I hope to be able to do that for my own kids someday.

[13:57]  If the Heart and Hustle podcast has ever sparked any idea or made you think differently, do us a favor. Make sure to guys share this, post it on LinkedIn, or even text that nonprofit friend that you just have. Whatever works. This is what keeps the conversation going and allows us to just grow this community together. Seriously, we appreciate you.

[14:19]  That's why I love stories, Parker, because to be qu as you mentioned, someone may be dealing for the first time ever, but Parker has dealt with it multiple times. Not his story, but he's been part of stories. So, he he has some insight. And that's why I love when people are able to share those stories. And you're in a really cool place. I can imagine you hear some some some funny stories, some interesting stories. because as you mentioned, these are people that at one point were holding a very high successful position at at a company, you know. So, yeah, they have so much to to talk about and and leadership, like learning leadership from someone that's been doing this longer than what we have. But I I want to go back to a story you mentioned about a 92year-old and her bowl of ice cream. Uh what did that moment actually teach you, man? Because sometimes families, you know, they don't want to do these things. It might just shorten their lives. But you're like, you know what? even when those choices might shorten their life, it's what they I got to make sure I'm listening to them.

[15:11]  Yeah, that's a great thing. Um, so we had a patient who was was diagnosed with diabetes and the doctor put all kind of restrictions on what the patient could eat and and the children were worried about this. And you know, for 92 years, she had always had at the end of the night a little bowl of ice cream. and uh you know that the the children were kind of a little frustrated that mom wasn't complying with the doctor's orders and mom you know was being a little defiant to them. And you got to remember that, you know, sometimes in these relationships, I'll say this tongue and cheek, but mom's used to changing your diapers, not the other way around.

[15:50]  Correct?

[15:50]  And so it's it's kind of like the mom was saying, "I don't want you to come in and tell me what to do. I've been doing this for 92 years." And and part of it's recognizing that, you know, every individual has the right to dignity and selfawareness and self-preservation slash, you know, autonomy. And we want to be able to give and represent that that we respect that space for an individual to make their own decisions and bear the consequence of that decision even if we don't sometimes agree because we knew that the, you know, blood sugar and insulin was going to spike and there's going to be a problem and that's going to lead to other potential complications. But how do you manage that? How do you make sure somebody's dignity isn't, you know, I'll say taken or stripped away from them and that they still have the ability to make their own choices and also to enjoy and savor those moments, right? And I think that's always a struggle especially as children when we start growing up and we look at our parents and we start looking at the decisions they make and we want to start parenting our parents and you know very quickly families have to recognize that there's a balance between what the child adult child might want and what the adult senior might want. And I was actually having a conversation just this last weekend about this exact same thing with my neighbor who's, you know, older than me, retired firefighter, but trying to help his father. His father's struggling living at home. His father's two hours away. Um, and so we're just trying to again find a balance between what the adult wants, what the child wants. And I call this the the ABC method. A lot of times what we look at is how do we balance what the adult wants with what the child wants? because you can't always have it just the adult way and just the adult will. And we can't always have it just the child's way or the child's will. And so part of this conversation we often coach people on is this ABC. It's not all the adult, it's not all the child, but we have to find the B. And the B becomes both, right? How do you get the buy in? How do you get the the belief? Right? There's got to be belief in something. There's got to be buyin from both parties. And there's compromise involved. Um yeah, you know, with that ice cream story, it was just simply

[18:04]  we're gonna believe and we we believe that mom wants to be, you know,

[18:09]  we want to we want mom to be happy. There's a belief that mom should be happy and we believe that mom knows the risk of eating ice cream every day and having to manage that with insulin and she was able to do that. And so then there's trust that if mom makes these decisions that can you live with that and the children said yes, we can and mom says yes. And so there's buyin from both sides and and ultimately we're able to help the family and we do this every day to help parents and children come together on terms that they can both live with.

[18:42]  I I think it's a unique place to be, you know, and it's it's like I I never was talking about end of life until I started doing podcasts and I'm talking to those in these even though my mother-in-law actually works with these patients all the time. I never really asked her how her day was. You know, it's my mother-in-law, so I wasn't having these conversations. But now I'm actually talking to her and I'm like, "Hey, I heard this story. I'll probably tell the ice cream story today." I always share these stories and she laughs and she's like, "Yeah, like this happens." She tells me all this, but it's a conversation that people really don't like to have. The end of life conversation, even though we're all going to go through it, no one's going to sit here and beat that. Um, if you can actually redesign the end of life conversation in this country, where would you actually start? I think it's something we should all be talking about. Yeah, it is. It's a tough conversation because nobody wants to think about life without someone, right? That's a that's a tough like that's a tough concept for our brains to wrap themselves around. Even though like you mentioned, we are all going to pass through that. Um we don't get to choose when we're born and we we typically don't get to choose when we pass or how we pass. And I think the conversation if I were to redefine or reframe it is what would we want that to look like? Um, and I think everybody has this, you know, I'll say Hollywood type uh image in their mind of just going to sleep one night and not waking up. And it very rarely happens that way. But I think the other, you know, fairy tale ending that we can all have and that we can all participate in is who's around us in those final moments? Who's around us in those final days? And I think we have to begin with the end in mind. Um, you know, we're both young, you know, but there's there's a lot of I'll say things that we can do today to put ourselves in a better place for tomorrow. Whether that's building better connections with our family and friends, whether that's building a better financial future and having a a plan for that, a trust and will and all those other things, or whether that's having a better, you know, plan with our own spouse or significant other and sharing those plans with other people, right? That's part of this journey. Um, and as you talk about your mother-in-law, she's has a front row seat to this. But what does your mother-in-law want? What would her desires be as she gets older? Does she want to live close to family or further away? Does she want to have people in her home or does she want to move to a community? These are all parts of the conversation that we don't want to talk about because we want to hope that those decisions are made by somebody else for us. And the and the sad reality is if we don't talk about them then the decisions will be made for us and we may not like the outcome.

[21:25]  For example, if we fail to have a conversation about what do you do if you're not alert or aware? What would you like us to do

[21:34]  in the event that you're not able to communicate? Well, if we don't have that conversation now and all of a sudden an event happens and the person that we're we love and trust is no longer able to communicate, we're just guessing and and sometimes we don't have the ability to to then influence for a better the outcome. The outcomes are already going to be driven by either the medical community and her her condition. And so we kind of lose the ability to make those choices with that other person's buy in. And I think having having those conversations earlier starts the ball for us to know what to do in the event something does happen. And I think we're always going to say, you know, you know, God forbid or heaven forbid something bad happens, but things happen every day and we can't be we can't turn a blind eye to that or can't hide under rock. And so the best thing is to be open about those conversations. And and more often than not, the best place to start is asking your loved ones what would they want, what would they choose, and where do they want to be? Um, some people want to move and be totally secluded and isolated and and not, you know, not be around family and and there's a lot of reasons why that may be. Other people want to move in with their adult children and they want to be close to family. and we've seen everything in between. I think it's really critical that the children, the parents, and there's a plan put in place because where you fail to plan is when you plan to fail.

[23:11]  I um couple years maybe maybe last year or two years ago, my mom decided to call a you know all staff meeting. She needed all her kids there and she had seven of us and she's like I just have something really important to tell you and that's as much as she was telling us. Of course, our minds go there, right? Like what the hell's happening? And she's also witnessed so many people go through these situations and family beat at each other's necks at the end of it all, right? And with seven kids, she's like, I needed to make sure that we were all on the same page. So, she actually had the conversation like, hey, if you know, God forbid, I cannot make any decisions. This is who I want to live out my decisions. However, I already have my decisions. It's on paper. It's just these two individuals will make sure this is and you know when I seen that and you do see family bicker and fight sometimes right at the death of someone you know at on still on the bed. We've seen that happen as well. It's like these are the reasons why we need to have these conversations because we don't we we shouldn't be fighting at the end of someone's life. If anything we should be celebrating and all this should already have had put together a plan. So I'm going to ask my wife today to see what what her thoughts are when she comes home. Hey babe, I just want to let you She's already, you know, her anxiety is going to go up the wall, but it is it's truly a conversation we should all be having, man. Um,

[24:25]  back to that the little struggle right there. And families bicker and quarrel all the time and you know, there's could be money involved, but usually it's an emotion and usually that emotion presents itself because there hasn't been time or space to process, right? And so I think, you know, building in that conversation with your mother gives all the seven children time to process if and when something happens, what does mom want? And even though I may disagree with what that plan is, my mom wants to be whatever cremated and I don't believe in that or I don't want that. It's like, but if I can give myself time and space to come to terms with that decision, that's a lot easier for me to process than my mom passes away, somebody shows up, says, "Mom wants to be cremated." And I had no idea. And then I'm struggling with the loss of a mother and a decision that I don't necessarily agree with or see eye to eye on. And so I think having those conversations makes you and I in a better position to hold space for the reaction such that the reaction is not right there, you know, when a decision is made. And usually that's what the fights are about is because something happens that promotes a reaction. And here's what I say. We're not we don't train people. We're not trained reactors. We're trained responders. Right? When there's a when there's a car accident on the side of the road, even though I'm CPR and medic first aid certified, I show up and my adrenaline kicks in and I'm, you know, kind of frantic trying to assess the situation, but I'm not a trained first responder. I'm reacting. My initial reaction is call 911 and get somebody here who knows what to do.

[26:10]  And then you see the fire department or the police officers. They show up on scene and they are cool, calm, collected. they know exactly what to do to secure the scene, assess the patients, and start administering, you know, treatment. And so there's a big difference between reacting to a situation and responding. And I think when you have the conversations, when you plan and prepare, you're better able and equipped to respond when something happens versus react when something happens.

[26:37]  Parker, you're talking you're dropping gems. Yes, that is 100% correct. I'm see like, yes, you are 100% right, Parker. No, I love this, man. Another thing that I love about you is not only do you pour into your caregivers, right? You want to see them excel. You want them to move up that ladder. You you also are big believer that AI could be very helpful in the space of caregivers. Um, and not too many people see that. Where do you see AI playing a major role now and things that could also help in the future when it comes to AI?

[27:06]  That's an incredible thing and I I'm excited for the future of aging. I think AI has incredible power and tools to help better our lives. And it's interesting because we think of AI right now as like kind of this, you know, toy, right? But not really making major changes in our lives. I think AI can help us better improve caregiver satisfaction, right? It's an incredibly stressful job to be a professional caregiver. Your time and your demand emotionally, it could be draining. I think AI can easily in the future help to better assess how is that individual caregiver doing with their schedule, whether they're working eight hours or 10 hours or 12 hours a day, and some people work 24 hours a day. Whether you're a paid professional or a family caregiver, I think being able to engage a tool that would assess your emotional uh battery, if you will, your physical battery. We already have some tools on on you know just my Garmin watch will assess how well am I sleeping how restful was my sleep and and that sleep is so important for me to perform during during the day. I think AI can help to build or I see AI helping caregivers be able to build in their own um better assessment tools so they don't get burned out so they don't injure themselves so they don't emotionally extend themselves. And I think that there's so much that they offer that there's very little that they they take for themselves, meaning they don't maybe care for themselves. And I think caring for the caregiver needs to be a conversation that we reframe in America. Um that's both paid caregivers and family caregivers. And and second to that, I think AI can also help us age better and more effectively. Um we're kind of working with some companies. One of them is is a company called Onscreen and they're a phenomenal business. or a techbased business and there's this new um we've all heard of of seen you know the tech revolutions are happening all around us and there's something called age tech um and this age tech platform is like what technologies can we offer to seniors that'll help improve the quality and caliber of their life and onscreen is trying to do that with um not just connecting these seniors to their family members via video conference and calls but then also connecting the senior with an AI kind of bot um that will help to make sure they're taking their medications or following up on their doctor's appointments or helping them schedule things that were important to them or you know might be monitoring some of their vital signs and saying hey I've noticed a trend something might be off and uh you mentioned you know somebody with a heart problem right if your heart functions at 15% how do I monitor myself every day to make sure that's not going down to 14, 13, 12. Better yet, how can AI maybe drive my health behaviors by prompting me or initiating me to do things that are going to be better for my health? Whether that's being consciously aware of it, diet, exercise, or subconsciously getting better sleep or more meaningful sleep. And if there are things that I could take to help my body rest and recover so that during the day I'm not putting more stress on my heart and further decaying, you know, my my functions and capacities. So I think AI not just will affect the aging population but has the power to potentially impact all of us during our health journeys. Uh knowing exactly what we need. Um, kind of another thing that we look at is a lot of our seniors, they take a lot of medications and sometimes those medications, you know, if you take one that lowers blood pressure, but then that's going to create a situation where a patient might have uh, you know, might faint or pass out, you know, and so how do you make sure that that doesn't dilate your

[31:03]  some other medication might might, you know, cross over with that and cause another reaction. So, how does your body metabolize every single individual medication? I think AI can help build better models for individual metabization of of medicines. Um, and today's I think diagnosis slash um prescription model of oh, you have an issue, let me prescribe a pill for you. I don't know if you know this effort, but it's it's mainly driven by your your weight. um how much you weigh. And that's why when you get an antibiotic, it's like, okay, here's what you're going to take and here's how long you're going to take it. It's based on how much you weigh in kilograms because your body

[31:44]  just has a general calculation of how much we metabolize per hour.

[31:49]  And that's why children's diagnosis and and you know, obviously are are written different prescriptions, but there's not a lot of scientific, you know, evidence to like how does my body metabolize something different than your body would? And as you age, your body metabolizes medications differently as well. So I think in the future, AI can help us to better identify how us how each individual person might respond to medications, might be able to modify their their uh own life and lifestyle to potentially eliminate some of these medications from being part of their routines. um or to potentially elevate which ones we need or what vitamins and minerals we need to potentially better metabolize medications so we're not um overdosing or underdosing ourselves. I love how I mentioned AI and you went all in and not just so much as the answer to the caregiver shortage, but on how we can help our caregivers do more of what they actually love and less of the admin work because I I feel like there was kind of pandemic time. So many people felt overworked doing things they didn't want to do. But with AI, as you mentioned, it's how we're supporting. It's a tool and and you definitely are not scared. There's no fear in you. Uh, what do you say to someone that is actually living in fear and they're in the same space as you, Parker?

[33:09]  Oh, man. I think, you know, fear is is a crippling emotion, right? And I think that there's so much to be afraid of, right? There are so many things that are what I'll say outside of our control. And I think when we see something that's outside of our control, we react to it. And as I mentioned earlier, that reaction often elicits some emotional response. And fear is a big one. But it's also a debilitating one, right? Um I see this every day, the fear of falling. Um seniors are afraid to fall. They know if they have a fall, they break their hip, they could die, and that's the end or a slow painful death. When in reality, the antidote to fear is action, right? We have to be able to act. And I think that knowing what to do or knowing how to do something, in the example of a senior who's afraid to fall, we come in and say, "Let's get you help to get exercise." having somebody stand by your side to do your exercises, to get your legs stronger, to be able to get up out of your chair, to keep moving, it gives them the confidence and the um power to move forward. And so whenever you have somebody who's in fear, and I think there's a lot of people who are afraid of getting old or afraid of the change that getting old brings,

[34:24]  yeah,

[34:25]  the antidote to that's then action. And what actions can you take that are within your control? Because while I can't control the weather on the 4th of July, whether it rains or not, all I can choose is how I respond to it. Do I want to dance in the rain? Do I want to take action and make the best of it? Or do I want to sit inside and pout because I'm not getting my way or, you know, the weather's out of my control. So, I think you have to take control over what you know you can control. You have to take action over the things that are within your purview. And that to me is is the most powerful piece that we have is what we do. It's it's choosing to act or be acted upon, right? If we choose not to act.

[35:07]  I love this and I'm also a big believer on mindset. I create a whole journal about shifting the mindset and I love your mindset. So I I ask you this question. You're in a space where it could be very overwhelming. You can feel at times burnt out through the stories, through the death of others. How are you actually staying um like just happy? How are you staying afloat? Who's pouring into you? Like what what are some of the things that you do with the mindset? Whether it's outside early, you mentioned picking weeds. Are you still picking weeds out to kind of get the mind going? Like what are some of the things cuz people are in this space and they you mentioned exhaust in a space, right? Working too many long hours. Sometimes it's going to be dealing with too many deaths in a week, right? Because it is happening. How how do you guys kind of stay mind strong in this space, especially when you're leading this missiondriven business?

[35:53]  You know, it's a it's a great question. My wife um she's got a book that we read to our kids called the bucket filler. It's all about how you fill other people's buckets with joy.

[36:01]  The bucket filler.

[36:03]  Bucket filler. So, I I I use that model in what we do, right? How are we filling other people's buckets? And then as we fill their people's buckets, we can't forget about our own. We have to take care of ourselves. My day starts at usually 4:15, 4:30 in the morning, getting up, meditating, reading my scriptures, going to the gym, working out. I'm doing something hard every day. And I know if I get up and do something hard, then the rest of the day shouldn't be as hard, right? Um, then I can give myself and fully devote my time and my focus to helping other people. Why? Because I know I've already filled my bucket. And so I think we have to be in that mindset of, you know, we can't lift others higher than we've lifted oursel. We have to be mindful that we have to have strength to lift other people.

[36:48]  And I need to be be that strength. I need to put the strength in, put the work in, do it myself, be to to be able to help others along the way.

[36:57]  Um, back to that emotional, you know, capital. Um it's very challenging and trying when you're dealing with people who are in life and death situations every day or who are dealing with some very difficult heavy um stressful environments. Um not only do I have to physically be prepared for that, but mentally and emotionally I think having a place where and I share a lot with my my spouse, my my wife. Um having somebody that I trust who I can talk with, that's one outlet for me. And then my other is my business partner. Um, I don't think I'd be here today without a great solid partner who I talk to more than anybody. Um, and talk to just not about work, but about everything in life. Um, because what what happens outside of work impacts what happens in work and what happens in work, you know, it affects us outside of work.

[37:44]  And so having those outlets of being able to communicate with people and that's that's what I talked about earlier is building that connection, right? If we build connections that sets us up for long-term,

[37:55]  I think longevity. Um, I I'll I'll plug one book here. It's coming out August 5th, written by a very dear friend of mine, Dr. Carrie Bernite. She wrote a book called JoySpan. And Joy span, I helped do some work on that book with her. It is exactly that concept. How do you build joy throughout your life? We all know health span. We all know lifespan. But really, if if you don't have health and longevity, then do you really have a high quality of life? No. But if you have a long life, but you're not happy about it, then really what's the quality or caliber of your life? And so Joyband really talks about these principles of connecting with people and and taking space or holding space for yourself to be able to, you know, see uh see a long happy life ahead.

[38:44]  I like that. I have realized that no one teaches us how to pour into others while we're uh or pour into ourselves while we're pouring into others. So, you know, kind of back to what you just mentioned, but another thing I want to go back to because if I don't ask this question, people are going to be like, "So, what time does he really go to sleep? You're waking up at 4:30 in the morning." Okay, let me tell you something. There's no way I can wake up before 4:30 in the morning. I went to sleep at 1:00, but I I need to know how many hours of sleep are you getting? What time are you going to bed? You wake up at 4:30.

[39:10]  Let's see. Last night, uh, I got 6 and a half hours of sleep. Um, so usually work, you know, 9:30, 10, 10:30. Um, but as I said, I got a toddler and a teenager, so sometimes on the weekends, my daughter doesn't come home till late. I wait up for her, try to make sure she checks in with me before she goes to bed. I know that I might need to push my my Saturday, you know, routine off. And then and then Sundays are my day of rest. You know, Sunday is my my Sabbath and my day of rest. So, I have to recharge my spiritual batteries, my physical batteries, so I get a little more sleep on the weekend. But, you know, most of the time I'm hopefully hitting the pillow by 9:30 to be up by 4:30 on the dot.

[39:46]  Oh, man. Man, I'm trying to put my daughter to bed at 9:30, but she's coming out five times and say, "But I forgot to tell you something." Or, "I got to pee again." You just peed. No, I love it. Um, so mine's still in state. I got a one and a and a four-year-old. So, you know, those take and then she wakes up at 7:30 in the morning. So, you know, my son right now is teething, so he's in and out asleep. Then my daughter will wake up at 7:30 as loud as possible to make sure she wakes up everybody. Yeah.

[40:12]  And I love her though, man. Uh, you know, Parker, I hear it so many times. Just enjoy it. It goes by so quick. So, I try to say the good things like I'm going to enjoy this even though I'm losing sleep. Um, how how can someone listening today can really get involved whether it's through work, innovation, um, or even just showing up?

[40:31]  Oh, I love it. You know, there's so many people out there that seniors are probably the loneliest group in our society, right? They're losing their friends every day. They don't they're not on TikTok or Facebook. They're not connected. You know, honestly, if you if you don't have a senior or a grandparent in your life, go find one. Talk to your friends, talk to your neighbors. Um, look for ways to help other people. And I think that not just seniors, but but being a good neighbor is a great way to get involved, whether that's volunteering your hours at a community center, volunteering your hours within your community, finding ways to give back in your little league or your soccer leagues or whatever. Helping other people, you know, use your talents to help better other people. Everything we do in this economy isn't just for money or prestige. It can be to to serve and to uplift other people. And I think if you find ways in your own community with your own time, right, you're in a very busy stage of your life with one-year-old, four-year-old, and so your time might be limited, but

[41:28]  make that phone call to your grandmother, make that phone call to your mother-in-law, ask her how she's doing. Um, connect with your neighbors and friends, ask them how they're doing. I I guarantee you that small and simple check-in not only will make an impact on the life of that other person, but it will impact yourself and that is going to build a better, stronger, healthier Ephrine for the long run. And we need Ephine to be around for as long as possible because you're doing some great things. I appreciate it, Parker. You know what's really funny that you mentioned just that call. There was a point in my life where I was that person and I still do it but I would call people randomly like people that maybe I felt were a part of my life at some point. I never forget them. So I would call and I just say hey how you doing just checking up on you and the shock on the other side like wow what a perfect time. Thank you so much for calling me like I needed this. I'm at work right now but I definitely want to give this time and so whatever I was doing that but I also realized that I was doing it and no one was doing it for me. So, at one point I was a little younger. I remember talking to this elder guy and I said, "I think I'm just going to stop calling people. No one's really calling me." You know, and at times when you're checking up on no someone and they're not checking up on you, you feel alone in this world. So, he says, "Never lose that part of you, Ephrain. It truly goes a long way." And Parker, you just kind of hit, you know, the nail on the coffin of why it goes a long way. So many times we're doing it talking about us, but truly the difference that it does make for others. I mean, could be a life ordeath situation just calling someone and letting them know. So, I love that you actually um you know, dropped that in there. Um man, we great time. But we're at the blind question. This is the hot seat. Are you ready?

[43:07]  I'm ready.

[43:08]  I'm gonna bring this back to the beginning of this conversation. When you're 92, the bowl of ice cream in hand. What would make you feel like you did it right?

[43:18]  Um being surrounded by the people that I love. I mean that that's that is to me the that is heaven on earth, right? My children are there, my grandchildren are there. That's what I hope for. That's my beginning with the end in mind. And um you know, if I were to pose this question to somebody else or you know, I would say, what do you want the world to look like when you're 92? Right? What do you want the world and what do you want your world to look like when you're 92? And I think if we all sat and kind of, you know, marinated on that question a little bit,

[43:50]  we would probably change a few things in our life to to get the world to be what we want it to be when we're 92. And it doesn't always end up that way. Um, you know, but but you know, uh, don't don't cry over spoiled milk. Back to what we talked about in the beginning, right? learning to forgive and forget, learning to move on, learning that within your family is where you learn to struggle and pull the weeds, but you also learn to taste that sweet fruit and that orange juice um after you've done the hard work. And I hope that at the end of my life, I'm able to have that glass of orange juice, knowing that, yeah, there's still maybe weeds in my garden, and that's okay. I'm not I'm not going to be perfect, but I hope that I've taught my children how to pull the weeds, how to put in the work, and uh how to taste of that fruit when they when they get to that old age. Well, Parker, the work that you're doing today by some of the things I've heard on both our conversations seems like you're definitely headed in that direction. So, we appreciate you and all the time that you've given us here today. Um, you've kind of given us a blind question. Do you want to do you want to go with that blind question or you got another blind question for us? I don't know because that was a pretty good blind question.

[44:58]  I was I was thinking about that like what do you want life to look like when you're older? And I don't know who the next guest will be or what their what their question is going to be, but I think that's

[45:06]  that's probably my leaving my my final thought is, you know, what would you want life to look like?

[45:11]  I'll make sure that's the blind question for the next guest that we have here today. I actually have another podcast later, so make sure we ask that. Um Parker, where can people find the website? Are you guys on social? Talk about where can they find personally?

[45:23]  Yeah, so we're careayhome.com. It's our main website. Uh we're out here in the West Coast. um we're on, you know, Instagram, Facebook, but really it's just reaching out and finding a if if you're not in the West Coast or an area we can serve, um getting in touch with a local senior care provider, going with a a licensed or bonded agency. Those are all things that I would recommend. If you are struggling with finding care for a loved one, or if you need something, feel free to reach out to me personally. be happy to talk and and walk you through my thoughts or give you my opinions on things and and hopefully connect you with the right resources to help you better your life and help you better your situation.

[45:59]  We didn't mention this either. People can volunteer their time to help the seniors as well, right? They always need time, fun activities, things. Is that correct?

[46:07]  Always. And there's a lot of senior organizations, whether that's through the Alzheimer's Association or your local senior center. There's always things that they're doing all the constantly where they need volunteers. And I would heavily encourage anybody to get involved with any of those organizations.

[46:21]  I appreciate it. Well guys, this has been another great episode with another great leader. Parker has been amazing. Thank you so much for your time. Guys, the only easiest way to get the word out is just share. If you guys are still here, make sure you guys like, comment, and subscribe. It doesn't cost you anything. And so many more leaders that are in the space of Parker asking, "What do I do?" It is a very tough time when it comes to our government, and we're all looking for that help. So, make sure that we go ahead and tag the next leader in the comments as well. My name is E Fra. We'll catch you guys on the next one. Thank you so much, Parker.