From Trauma to Triumph: The Critical Role of Second Chances in Family Healing | Better Together

[0:16]  Welcome back to another episode here on the Heart of the Podcast. I'm Efraim and we got Miss Megan Rose in the building. How you doing, Miss Megan?

[0:23]  Hey, I'm doing good. Thanks for having me.

[0:26]  Thank you. Thank you for taking the time. I know I we just before we hit record just talked about how long it's been since we we spoke about. So, what what you been up to in the last 5-6 months in the space of I always say passion and purpose.

[0:39]  Yeah, so I actually just had my fifth child

[0:43]  Congrats.

[0:45]  weeks old and life has just been full of so much joy and craziness and um it's been really great. I just jumped back into work and it's been great to be back, but also grateful to have an amazing team that could step in um and really lead and have an incredible impact while I was out with my baby.

[1:08]  I love that. I didn't I did not know. See, those are these are interesting news here. Um and how are you jugging juggling that? You know, you you don't have just one child, but you have multiple kids, you have this leadership position, you're you're pouring back into the community. Sorry, how do you um balance all that?

[1:24]  Yeah, you know, it's finding your rhythm. I I married really well. I have a great husband, a great support system, and my kids are awesome, and we have just found a really good rhythm, but you know, you you need that support system. We have a really big village. We have a strong support system who really steps in and um I can't imagine doing what I'm doing um and doing it well, but also being able to be a great mom and be able to care for my children well without having that support system, which is why um I do the work that I do is so more families have that support system and that are not isolated.

[2:07]  Love it. And then better better together US, right? Is that correct?

[2:12]  Yes.

[2:13]  Um what is the role that you play and what are some of the resources and things that better together is doing in the communities?

[2:20]  Yeah, so I'm the CEO and better together exists to come alongside families that are isolated and in crisis. Um and our goal is to help support that family um by helping them find work for caring for their children while they're going through a temporary crisis to provide mentoring and support that helps keep that family whole and together um and doesn't result in children going into the foster care system um because very often a lot of families that are struggling with poverty, job loss are isolated, or more at risk of losing their children and we just believe that communities are stronger when families are together and family preservation is really important. Um and so that is really our mission and what we're trying to do here um in the state of Florida and beyond.

[3:12]  I love it. I was just talking to my best friend just now before I even got on this call. We just she's about to be a mom for the first time and we both had these experiences of life, of trauma, of whether it was not having mom there, not having dad there, whatever that may look like and just the new chapter of being a parent. Um and sometimes so hard. I am that that kid that was adopted, so I understand what it actually feels like to not have, but also seeing things from a perspective as an adult. So I'm looking at my 2-year-old child now and I was taken from my mom at two, right? So looking at this 2-year-old that is crying and and as soon as I open the door he's running to mom cuz mom's there. But how about that 2-year-old Efraim that ran and his mom wasn't there, right? Like those traumas starts to come back and it's like the work that is being done in this space is never about a paycheck, Megan. And you clearly kind of attest to that. How long have you been doing this kind of work where you're helping, you know, families and kids navigate life?

[4:09]  Yeah, I I love what you just shared about trauma because I think a lot of people don't realize that, you know, it's not just preventing kids from experiencing trauma, but once you experience trauma, you carry that the rest of your life. Um and it resurfaces in different milestones throughout your life. Um and so I I started my career as child welfare. I just had a passion for children and families and got to see firsthand that trauma. I got to see firsthand what happens when kids are separated from their parents, when kids um experience neglect, abuse. Um and then what that does not only for the children, but what that does for families and the price tag that comes with that. Um and it's also near and dear to me. Um I have my own story and got to experience um what it looked like for the community to step in and support a family during time of need.

[5:05]  I love it. I I take you to another story that I feel what you do is so special and it's uh at 30 years old I had I I I guess I gained the confidence as a parent to go and have the conversation with my mom. Like, you know, I felt that I've never was able to kind of I say my mom the woman that um adopted me, which was my aunt. She raised seven kids as a single mom, but you know, there was still things that was going on. I still didn't feel loved, I didn't feel seen, all these different things and and maybe she actually protected us a little bit more than she and it it came across a little different, right? I don't know, but that's all I can think of. Um but at 30 years old as a I became a parent, I wanted to tell my daughter to use her voice to speak up, right? That's what we want to do as parents. Um then I realized, wait, I haven't done that myself, right? I how who am I to tell someone to do something but I'm not doing it. And I had that conversation with her. Her response to me was, um, I I only did I only did the best I could with what I knew, right? And it goes back to resources, the resource that you guys and I she even says, hey, I thought after taking in three kids that the government would help a little more.

[6:07]  Yeah.

[6:08]  You know, going back to resources. So, I love this space that you're in. How does people how do we get that message out there? Sometimes these resources are are in our own backyard and are needed by so many families. How do they get to know about it? Like what are what are you guys doing? I would say from the nonprofit perspective that maybe others are not doing to continue to create that awareness.

[6:26]  Yeah. I, you know, it's so many families are out there and they love their children, but you're right. I mean, they they don't have good options. Um, and it can feel like you have no place to turn. And so, we really saw this space where you have parents who are, you know, they love their kids, they're they're fighting through some really tough situations. And for a lot of parents, they're, you know, it's generational. They're mimicking what they learned from their parents or they didn't have the resources. Um, and parenting is hard. You need those resources, you need that support system. And so, one of the things that has been really important for us is building trust. Building trust with families, um, and then different communities, um, and making sure they know, like we are a resource that has, like, our goal is to keep government out of your life. Our goal is to come alongside and help you be the best parent that you want to be for your children. Um, because most parents that I have met, they want to provide for their children. They want to have that stability, that safety. They love their children, but you're right, there's there's barriers to resources. Um, if you don't have a support system, if you don't have a job, if you do not have, you know, safe, um child care for your children, transportation, um that can make it incredibly difficult to provide the type of childhood that every child deserves.

[7:52]  Yeah.

[7:52]  Um and so we're really trying to just build those relationships, build that trust, um and then help connect the helpers in the community that those that want to help themselves um better their situation. Um but trust is the keyword. We can't do it without trust. And so we try to knock on doors, introduce ourselves, um build trust with local churches, um community organizations, leaders, um to be able to raise awareness that, "Hey, we're an option." Um even when it comes to the Department of Children and Families, law enforcement, and government agencies, is really being an advocate. Like, "We're here. We want to be a tool in your tool toolkit." So when you come across a family, um instead of separating that child from that family and going to the extreme worst outcome, how about you give them a tool? Like, introduce them to us. Let us start working with that family before you have to intervene. Um and that's been really critical to our model is really trying to get to those families first. Um and helping prevent the trauma that comes with separation or child abuse.

[9:03]  And when we talk about like resources and getting that word out there, do you think that AI is helping us a little bit get there, get that word out a little more? What do you feel about just kind of technology is growing and and people are are being able to research a little faster, um you know, using various AI models or people are just have something like Google where they can find things at their fingertips. Do you feel like that's hindering or cuz even with um ChatGPT, you still need those guardrails, right? So do you think that there's still those things that need to be implemented? Like, what are your thoughts on that?

[9:36]  You know, I I I think there's a lot of good that can come out of AI. I also think there's a lot of negatives that can come out of it as well. It can't replace people.

[9:44]  Uh-huh.

[9:45]  Um so if you're seeing it as like a relationship and a tool and you know, it can't replace a real relationships and people need relationships. They need people

[9:55]  Mhm.

[9:55]  in their lives. Um isolation is not good for people and so it can't replace those relationships, but I do think it could be a really powerful tool to help connect families to trusted partners in the community to help creatively problem solve, remove some barriers. Um I know that AI is something like our team's looking at is how can we leverage AI for good um to be able to help support more families. Um but you know, it's still new and with um anything that's new is just really figuring out how do you leverage that for good and how do you guard against when it could potentially hurt people or hurt families or hurt the intent.

[10:35]  100%.

[10:36]  Yeah, I I love it. I I I love what you just said and I do think it it just helps um us do more of the work that we love and really automate those things that maybe we don't or those things that could just be automated in a sense that doesn't really need the people um part of it. But that's so cool. How many people are you guys As a matter of fact, I don't know if if we mentioned this. Where are you located for those that may be here listening or watching?

[10:59]  Yeah, so we're headquartered in Naples, Florida. That's where we started, but we have actually have never had a building. We've always worked remotely. Um and the whole vision behind that is I wanted our team to be out in the community building relationships and trust um and engaging the families that we're wanting to serve and having a presence um and we didn't need a building to be able to do that. And so we we started in Southwest Florida and now we're across the entire state of Florida as far as our Better Families program and trying to keep kids out of foster Um but then our jobs program is across 24 different states. Um and we work with local churches and volunteers to host um hope-filled job fairs is the best way I can describe it. Um I think when people think of the word job fair, they think of like this very intimidating dry hotel job fair. Um our job fair is really um a place where people can come and feel safe and they have support and they get to actually meet hiring managers that hire people on the spot and there's a lot of um like if they get hired, they ring this bell, everybody celebrates that opportunity. They can get resources for transportation, housing, mental health, addiction, um a one-stop shop. And so we do that across the country um and partner with churches to be able to do that and execute it well, but we've grown significantly and it's amazing to see that footprint just expand because the need is needs everywhere. It's across the entire US and so we're excited to see our mission growing and thank you for just raising more awareness around what we're doing.

[12:41]  Yeah, I mean, you're you're talking really down my alley of of kids and in that world, so 100%. Um when when you think about um leadership and in that the the table that you sit at with the the people you sit with, who's pouring into you before you can get to that table? Like what are some of the things you remember? We talk about really the upbringing and a lot of the times even there's some lessons there that we still kind of keep and I always say that I am only who I am today because of the people that I allowed to pour into me when life was taken from me. Um the resources that we've had to probably find and those mentors that we've had to find uh Megan, but who are those people that you can kind of call call back to and say, "Thank you for that opportunity"? Cuz may maybe they're also watching and listening.

[13:27]  Yeah, so I love mentorship. I mean, it's a big part of what we do again because you need you need people to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself, but also guide you. Um and I'd say better together has been incredibly successful. We have grown. Um but you know, that is because of the incredible people who've been able to walk alongside us as an organization. Um for me and my leadership, um you know, my mom is someone who led by example, um who faced a lot of really challenging situations. Um but even as a young child watching her walk through that um really impacted me um and who I am today and how I lead. Um and she just always was serving. Even when she had nothing, she was always finding ways to give of her talents and skills and resources um to support others. Um so just having that servant leadership, but I've had just amazing people come on my path who have challenged me. Um you know, we all have blind spots as leaders and I'm really grateful for those who um will help make me aware of the areas where I really do need to grow and that has impacted me and my ability to help shape and coach and help my team grow. Um failing fast, I remember a mentor is like, "It's okay to fail. Like you learn so much when you fail, but you got to fail fast." Um

[14:49]  I agree.

[14:50]  And that always stuck uh stuck with me. I had a great mentor tell me um you know, when I first started, I was just trying to do so much all at once and it's like, "You're never going to get anything done if you're just your focus is everywhere. Like you got to really laser in that focus."

[15:08]  Um to just the top three things and then get those done and move on to the next and um that was really um it's just amazing. Like different parts of growth with the organization, I'm really grateful for the unique people who were able to step in and support in those seasons. Um and have just learned so much and then just still learning. We're in a different season of scale and growth and um just there's this hunger to like want to keep learning and just grateful for those people who keep pouring into me and pouring into this mission.

[15:42]  I love it. I love that you meant said all these nice uh things that the mentors have told you and you've kind of resonated with you. What is that go-to that if someone asked you for advice today, Megan, um probably from probably a little younger, right? New to the to the space. What is the advice you're giving them?

[16:00]  Gosh, um there's so much. Um but I would say find those people um because it really is, you know, at every stage of your life. Like everybody should have a mentor. Everybody should have somebody who is investing in their growth. Um and again, you have to be open to receiving that growth. And so I would just if you know, you're listening to this and you're younger and you have big dreams, big ambitions, and you want to change the world, you can do it. But make sure you have some people who are able to guide you and support you and have more wisdom and lessons learned over their um years cuz I think that's the gift of mentorship is their experience, you know, they learn lessons.

[16:43]  Yep.

[16:43]  Um and they're able to share that so you don't have to go through some of those hard lessons yourself. Um but just being really open and intentional of finding those people and asking them just directly, asking them to invest in you. Um and invest in your life and what you're trying to build um and what God's calling you to do.

[17:02]  I love it. I feel like we're in the storytelling business, Megan, from leaders that run organizations. Um obviously cuz we've had our own stories and that's why I think we are so impacted in other people's stories as well. We want their stories to kind of play out very similar to ours in the sense of success. Um and whatever success may look like for somebody else in in their in their lives, but I think from where we start, we weren't supposed to be across this virtual table listening to some of your story before, but here we are and we're still sharing these resources. Not just the resources from the organization, but really life experiences. Myself of the sexual abuse, the adoption, letting others know that you've been through some of these um and you still can make it out of this, right? Allowing someone to uh know that today maybe someone's writing your story, but at some point in your life you take that pencil you start to tell your own. You know, like there's so much advice that we can really give to the to to individuals. There's so many stories to really be told. Megan, what story you've been doing this for some time? What story resonates with you and allowed you to always remember the why?

[18:05]  Yeah, so um my story. So, a lot of people um don't know this about me and I love sharing my story um because I got to see firsthand the just the power of second chances, redemption, um and so just rewind. So, growing up um my parents really struggled. Um we were we didn't have a lot of resources and um my mom was stay-at-home, my dad was working, and he had an injury at work and he was prescribed opiates just like millions of Americans and unfortunately that prescription to opiates led to an addiction, um which led to my dad losing his job. And when he lost his job, um that really impacted his mental health. He was having a really hard time finding another job. And so, what he did is he turned to um more substance abuse and drinking and other drugs and it got to the point where he came home. He was really under the influence of drugs and alcohol and got into um a fight with my mom and got to the point that he grabbed a shotgun and cornered my mom in the kitchen and I was just 6 years old and I remember just putting my little brothers behind the couch, going to the kitchen, grabbing a baseball bat and just putting myself in between my mom and dad and just begging him to stop and um he did. He actually went and passed out and my mom knew the situation was no longer safe and she needed to leave, but she had three young children under the age of six. She needed support. And so we had um she connected with a local church and um they stuck alongside our family, offered us refuge, helped us relocate to Southwest Florida. My dad ended up going to prison for his addiction. Um and that same um community started supporting my dad, mentoring him. When he got out of um prison, they helped him get into a halfway house. They helped him find a job. It's really hard to find a job

[20:20]  Wow.

[20:20]  when you have a criminal record. Um but I remember that job as a teenager, you know, it it kept my dad sober. It gave him purpose. Um and it helped create healing for not just him, but our whole family. And so my parents actually ended up getting remarried. Our family was whole. Um and we are so fortunate. Um I can't even imagine you know, being separated from my brothers. And after working in child welfare and seeing um just the hurt and the heartbreak, I'm so grateful that wasn't my story, but it's built so much empathy for those like yourself who have experienced that. Um and so my why is I want to make sure that everyone in their greatest time of need has somebody to call, to come alongside and support them. And if we can help prevent as many children and families as possible from experiencing the trauma of abuse, neglect, and separation, um and empowering those parents to have the right tools and resources, um like imagine what our world would look like. Imagine what our communities would look like. Um so that's our mission and our vision. That's why it's near and dear to me and um why, you know, I fight every day our team to just really um support these families in a meaningful way and find more people to connect and be the helpers for those that are going through hard times cuz we all have hard times. None of us are immune

[21:55]  Mhm.

[21:56]  um to that. And y'all I mean you you always need people.

[22:01]  Yeah. Megan, I didn't know we were going to be emotional here. I just started telling your story and my eyes started watering. I'm like, "Oh my god, please." And I'm an ugly crier. So, I didn't want to go out here getting ugly cry. But no, I appreciate you sharing the story and I this is I was literally telling my best friend earlier, this is what I love about what I get to do. Like this is just really that that passion project that I love is having these conversations with other leaders because people don't know what other people have gone through. People want the opportunity and people want the titles, but not realizing the sacrifices that we've had to also make to get here. That the, you know, from the mental perspective um to finding us, to finding that confidence in us because I mean for me, I was 30 years old when I found the confidence even have a conversation with my mother, you know, so was I really being myself authentically and genuinely, you know, genuine about my who I am and what I do. And I can see that that's who This is who you are, all right? You live this. Um so I really appreciate that. And I also think that we we talked about it, failing and failing fast, and also learning from lessons. In our lives, I would say my childhood um taught me grit, um taught me how to be resilient, how to never give up. What are you learning as a child going through some of this that you still carry with you today?

[23:17]  You know, similar to you, that resilience, um you know, seeing my mom firsthand, one of the things that um I didn't appreciate that until I was an adult and had children of my own, and um you know, she was always positive about my dad. She never spoke negatively about him, and um that allowed me to have a different perspective of my dad, because he was he loved us. He was, you know, he just had a you know, and you know, understanding addiction more as an adult, and I can understand how things spiraled so fast, and that wasn't who he wanted to be.

[23:52]  Correct.

[23:52]  And how hard it was in the amount of hard work and dedication it took to get clean, stay clean, and be able to be the dad that we needed him to be.

[24:04]  Yeah.

[24:05]  But just

[24:05]  Shout outs to him, yeah. I mean, shout outs to him as well, putting in the work. That is a like you mentioned, a lot of work as well.

[24:12]  It is, and I think having that empathy for people, um you know, I I believe in people. I believe people everyone has potential. Um we all need second chances. I think it's so easy to judge someone, but it like you said, like you don't know their story. You don't know what they've been through, and sometimes we have families that you know, like I said earlier, they're just mimicking what they learned from their parents, or they have unresolved trauma that they weren't able to work through because they didn't have the, you know, resources or the people to help them navigate that. And so, just having a lot of empathy for families, seeing their potential, um and then just, you know, yeah, that grit, that tenacity, that perspective, you know, I've always just have been very positive. I just believe that you know, it it takes some like, okay, like, there's a plan, there's a purpose, like, we can get through this. What can we learn through that? Um it just changes your perspective.

[25:14]  You know, Megan, you mentioned your dad the dad your dad story. I'm still kind of just stuck on your dad and him seeing the other side of what could have been a very dark path. Um my mom, and I think I may have mentioned this, has been homeless and on drugs for most of her life with, you know, had to tend to her own kids. Um and it is now is now as a parent where I'm like, man, you know, and I'm starting to find out that she was kind of already in this cycle. And when did it start? And it was the people, you know, that got her it was those boyfriends, it was those guys she was having kids with that had the drugs that were, you know, and she kind of got it mixed into it. And then I started to think about someone mentioned this actually on a on one of these discovery calls that I had with you. She said, uh how would you feel if your child was taken away? And at that moment, I thought to myself, my biological mom had 10 kids taken away from her. What was her coping mechanism? It was the drugs, right? Um so, it's like, but also listen to your father always gives me hope. I always say that a story a moment and a person changes somebody's life. And it's those stories that I appreciate that you tell and that we get to tell of how people may today, you may not see it, but if you put in enough work and you continue to just never give up, best believe there's opportunity on the other side. And Megan, I mean, we're living here as that. Your dad is living here as that. So, I mean, does your is your dad telling the story?

[26:35]  So, unfortunately, my dad passed away. Um but, you know, I he passed away when I turned 21 of the heart attack and you know, but I even when that happened, it was heartbreaking. And but, you know, I had this perspective was like if my dad did not turn his life around, I wouldn't have had so many incredible memories with him when I was a teenager. Like had him at my prom. Like had Like the last voicemail I had for my dad before he passed is um and maybe he had like an instinct that something I don't know, but he was telling me like just you know, a dad lecture of like you marry someone who deserves you and don't settle and um and you know, I had this you know, how you know, you dads are really important. Like children um need their dads. And so, I had a dad who spoke into me um and I'm so grateful because even though his life was cut short, I I still had some meaningful moments and an impact of a father in my life, a healthy father. And so, I'm just forever grateful for that. And I wish I would have had more time with him, but you know, again, if it wasn't for the people who stepped into his life and the work that he did, um we might not have had a relationship. We might not have um had those connections and and so, just grateful for that.

[28:06]  Yeah. Um thank you for sharing that as well. And I'm pretty sure he's proud of the woman that you've become because of those moments in your lives, right? That uh allowed you to be strong, to be in this seat, right? As a woman at head of the table and running an organization like this. Um continuing to give back, to pour into others. You talked about purpose. Your dad got that job and it was purpose, right? You that stuck with you, that purpose-driven um mission. Um you're not chasing paychecks. I'd always say, Megan. So, I always appreciate for just always sticking through it, even through the hard times. Um and never it being about us, but about how we fertilize the next generation. Um so, I thank you for that. But I leave you with this as well or not leave you. I want you to leave the audience. There's someone out there. We always say that our voices are so loud and sometimes we don't even know who's listening. What do you tell someone that maybe they're they're facing that like can I really am am I really worth it? You know, can I do this? What are those words of encouragement that you tell someone that is kind of lost right now?

[29:12]  Yeah. Um well, I wasn't expecting y'all tear-eyed. But, you know, their journey is not over. Their story is still being written. Um you know, sometimes a setback can be the greatest comeback. And their what they've been through um what they've experienced doesn't define them. And again, it just goes back like we all need second chances. No one's immune by that and um to not lose hope. And I think that's one of the biggest things we see when families lose hope. Like hope is so essential. Like you need to have that hope and that hope is best given by people who believe in you and like can help remind you that not all is lost. There is still hope. The story is not finished. Um and believe that, you know, God can take those setbacks and create this amazing comeback for families. Um and you can use those hurts. You can use those challenges just like we're sharing our stories with others. Like you can use everything you've been through to help encourage and inspire and support others. Um it doesn't have to be um the end or, you know, the worst part of your life. It can end up being um just an amazing way how God can use you to help support others in a meaningful way. So,

[30:45]  Yes, God is good. Megan, I was going to say mic drop and we could end it there, but we have to tell people where they can find more information about what you're doing, the organization. Are you guys on social media? What is the website?

[30:57]  Yeah, so we are on social and our website is www.bettertogetherus.org. But, if you are listening and anything is just resonating with you, would love for you to get involved. Whether it's part of our job fairs, mentoring, caring for kids short-term in your home, financially supporting us, or just advocating for us. Like, sharing the work we're doing with others and raising more awareness. Or, maybe you're listening to us and you need some support.

[31:29]  Yep.

[31:30]  Like, that's why we exist. We want to help come alongside and support families. So, we'd love to get you involved and a part of just our story.

[31:38]  Megan, thank you so much for your time. Guys, if you guys are not following, subscribing, what are you waiting on? These are type of conversations that we have. And Megan, just another mic drop, but also sharing some of the resources that are in our own backyard that we do not even know exist. You know, the opportunities are there. Sometimes, we just got to go look for it. Go find someone, share your story cuz sometimes those closed mouths don't get fed. The reason I think we got to see the other side is also cuz we shared our story so much. And while it was hurt, I remember telling my story for the first time and tearing up and crying. I tell that story now understanding that I'm making impacts for others to be able to share their stories, to uplift them and empower. Megan, thank you so much for doing that. Guys, you are not in this alone. I'm Efraim. This is Megan. We'll catch you on the next one. Laters.