How Mentorship Builds Lifelong Bonds and Transforms Communities

Efrain: Welcome back to another episode here on the heart and hustle podcast with today's guests. Ms. Susie. How are doing this morning?

Susie: I'm doing really well, thank you. How about you?

Efrain: You know, we happen to be talking again on a Friday. The first time I spoke to you was on a Friday, so it's a Friday thing. We're getting ready for the weekend. Anything exciting that you're doing this weekend?

Susie: I'm so glad you asked. Tonight is our high school graduation. So I'm going to see 13 of our mentees walk the stage and get their diplomas. Their mentors will all be crying their eyes out. And it's a beautiful, beautiful community event.

Efrain: Okay. I love it. Let's kind of start there. So you talked about these mentees. What is the organization you represent? What is the role that you're in?

Susie: Yes, I'm the executive director of the Sonoma Valley Mentoring Alliance, a hyper-local community-based organization, although we're in the public schools. So there's a very strong partnership with our district, and we make matches that really often last a lifetime.

Efrain: I love it. And how many people are you guys serving, you would say, on a school year?

Susie: So we currently have a little over 300 active matches and these matches typically get made in elementary school. We invite volunteers from the community to train with us and be introduced to a child in our public schools who've been nominated to have a mentor through our program. So there's buy-in all around. The parents sign an agreement with us. The children say they want to be. a part of it and obviously our mentors have raised their hand to say I'd like to do this work and it's a really beautiful thing. Our staff are so intuitive and skilled at connecting an adult volunteer from the community with a young child and I mentioned high school graduation 13 seniors who have been with their mentors for an average of nine years.

Efrain: Yeah.

Susie: A couple of them were matched in kindergarten. So it's pretty amazing.

Efrain: I was gonna say, so... Yeah, I was going to ask, so this is a journey. Some people start in kindergarten and hold probably not the same mentor, but will hold a mentor throughout their school years.

Susie: Same mentor. Same mentor. You know, if we do it right, they build a connection and we support that relationship building through a variety of ways. And sometimes, you know, somebody may move out of the area or the connection's not working, but by and large, these matches have been together for their entire school journey. And when you think about a child in the public education system, every year in elementary school, they get a new teacher.

Efrain: Wow.

Susie: And then they hit middle school and they have five or six new teachers every year and high school more of the same. that mentor is the thread through their entire journey. And I love that we have mentors who go to college graduations, are in their mentees' weddings, they're mentoring the children of their original mentees. So the connections are really strong. And it's what our staff really do best is make the connection

Efrain: I love it.

Susie: foster and build the relationship and it makes a difference.

Efrain: Wow. How long has this organization existed?

Susie: This is our 30th anniversary year. So in 30 years, we've had over 2,500 volunteer mentors and the same number of students in the program. We just brought a young woman from the community onto our board. She had a mentor growing up who changed her life. And she came back a couple of years ago to volunteer as a mentor. And then she joined our board. So it's a really beautiful time for the program. we're starting to see things come full circle with former mentees mentoring, former mentees nominating their children to have mentors, and mentors mentoring the next generation of their mentees lives. So I have a beautiful story about a young man who was mentored.

Efrain: love it.

Susie: in the early days of the program and they did a lot together but the mentor always kind of wondered, I making a difference? And he graduated from high school and they kind of lost touch for a little while. A couple years ago, the mentors in his driveway in this big truck pulls up and it's filled with all these wild little boys. And it's his former mentee with his sons in the truck saying, I just wanted to tell you those are some of the best memories of my school years and these are my children and would you mentor them?

Efrain: That is funny. Wow. That is so cool. It is. And I love the just the mentoring aspect of it. I always say one person, one moment, one story really changes somebody's life. And in these kids lives, it is that person. I was actually just talking to my editor and I was like, hey, man, you're so good at just like, you know, speaking and we should definitely do something together and all this. And then he says, I want to be really honest with you. Like one, I was the only child forever. Right. For life. And he's like, so I have I kind of

Susie: Pretty amazing.

Efrain: have a little anxiety, you know, like I love it, but and I'm talking to him, learning something from him, right? He just didn't have that person he could probably talk to. He says, I was to myself a lot. So just imagine someone a mentor like that, right? That just felt like he just had a brother or sister and someone to just kind of have conversations. And we don't realize how important conversations, how important it is to have that person to just be open with. And I'll give you a better example, myself, someone that kind of grew up in a space of, like we mentioned the sexual abuse and the adoption. And what that actually looked like if I would have had someone that I could actually had these conversations with but instead you just hold on to them the trauma continues that you know all this acting out really continues so I also think it's important that a mentor does stick around for some time and I say that because I remember this mentor I was super excited to have I seen him one time and I'm like what happened We're already struggling with you know attachment issues or you know abandonment issues, whatever it is. And so how important that really is I would even take a, I wanna even ask you a question. You talked about mentors. I can imagine you have some great mentors in your life. What are these mentors telling Susie as she's kind of getting, you know, higher and higher in these executive roles?

Susie: I've been so fortunate in my life, truthfully. My childhood was pretty idyllic and I have a loving husband and two beautiful children and I think I have the best job in all of Sonoma Valley. So I feel a little disingenuous answering this question, but truthfully mentors are everywhere. I've had professional mentors. I played a lot of sports. Growing up, think my coaches were really some of the most significant mentors I've had. I had a coach in college who was actually the men's ice hockey coach and he got tapped to coach the JV girls lacrosse team and he knew nothing about. lacrosse, but he was one of the best coaches I've ever had. And that type of inspirational figure in your life can just really change your perspective. I'm also the youngest of six children. Can you say Irish Italian Catholic without saying Irish Italian Catholic? And my older sisters, I have four older sisters and truthfully,

Efrain: I love it. Wow.

Susie: They've been my mentors my entire life.

Efrain: Love it. I love it. Okay. Outside of your sisters, I can imagine they gave you a lot of good advice. What advice comes to mind when we think about something that a mentor said to you that still resonates and maybe you even still share to others?

Susie: I think it's so important to not try to be somebody you're not. Be your authentic self. Show up every day and follow your instincts. Do what you feel most comfortable doing and what you know is best for you. I'm kind of going through this with my daughter a little bit right now. You are a unique and amazing human being. often having a mentor can help young people realize what they do have to offer. Just by internalizing that idea that whatever it is that motivates you, that calls to you, that inspires you, that's the thing to grab onto and really run with. Because if you're doing things because other people expect them of you or because you think... society wants this of you, it's not gonna last. It has to come from inside, right? Does that make sense?

Efrain: Yeah. 100 % I say chase passion and purpose and the money follows the paycheck follows right. Don't taste the wrong pee. I'm 36 years old and I realize I spent a lot of my time in places maybe where people thought that I should be there and I was very loyal to it but in reality it wasn't bringing peace and happiness. I had a job that I really really loved being an airline facilitator but I still found myself having dinner with my wife and complaining. And it's like, even though the money was good, it still wasn't peaceful, right? You have to do the things that really bring you peace that doesn't seem like work. And Susie, I love that you're in a space where you feel like, I'm just doing what I love. And I come as me and this is who I am because it is so important when we talk about the next generation and mentors that we are ourselves, right? Like that's what we want people to know in this conversation. It's nothing here is scripted. Nothing here is ideally we're putting on a show or character. This is Susie. This is Efrain, right? We've had our own struggle. We've had our own mentors. We are mentors to others. And I think even at our ages still have mentors that we call, hey, this is what I'm going through. Can you kind of guide me through some of this? Do you say you still have one at this age, Susie?

Susie: Oh, my professional mentor right now is actually the founder of this program. And she ran it. She built it. She ran it. She created something really special in this community. Her name is Kathy. And she didn't raise her hand to be my mentor. But I remind her all the time that that's who she is.

Efrain: of it. She got bottom-toed.

Susie: and what she is to me in this life. And I wouldn't have this job if it wasn't for her. And she has so much wisdom and she's probably one of the most practical people I know. She's just, she gets right to the quick of it. It's probably that whole East Coast connection. But it's really comforting to have somebody who you can pick up the phone and at any moment say, my gosh, I need help.

Efrain: Yeah.

Susie: and they're there for you and they always answer and they always listen and they always kind of help you figure it out without figuring it out for you. Yeah, so Ephraim I can tell you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now. You are you are thriving in this. Yeah, no I'm not gonna stop it.

Efrain: and probably keep it real, like, right? stop it. I do, do love. Listen, you know what's crazy? was telling someone this, my editor that talks about his anxiety and all this. I still deal with that, like, but I love it. Like as weird as it is, like before I hit record or before I join any call, it's still that like, my God, like, what do I say? What do I ask? And then when I just show up, it just, it just happens. But that's how I know that it's real that this is, as you mentioned, what I probably should be doing, right? And I do. I would tell you that I grew up and I struggled with my hearing my own voice. I struggled with playing back some of my videos. I've been doing video content since I was early 20s, but I would never watch my videos because I thought it was so cringe. But realizing that the storytelling, the authentic people need that because it's not about us. Right, Susie? The work that we do is definitely not about us. It's about the next generation and how we fertilize the future. So I think that's the exciting part as well is going back to knowing that I'm just doing God's work. Like that's the exciting part of it all. And I get paid to do this. What? This is crazy. Going back to just do what you want to do and you know, find those lanes for sure.

Susie: That's beautiful actually and I think we are our own worst critic. And just back to the mentor theme, know, mentors can really help young people get past that. sort of insecurity and anxiety and uncertainty about the future. You and I talked about this a little bit when we first spoke, but our program is really unique and Sonoma Valley is a very unique place. There are almost two Sonomas, if you will, and it's one of the reasons the program thrives here. There's a part of Sonoma that draws really successful retirees and tourists from all over the world. And then there are the people who are kind of making the machine work behind the scenes in the hospitality industry, in the wine industry. those are, their children are the people who are supported by this program. And I just think that having someone you can turn to when things don't feel right, the climate

Efrain: Mm-hmm.

Susie: right now for so many of our kids. 95 % of them are Latino and the situation with immigration right now, not to get political on you, but we had a fourth grader a couple weeks ago in the grocery store with his mom and she thought she saw an ICE agent and she told him to hide. I don't know how you process that as a fourth grader, but he was fortunate that he had the connection with his mentor. He could turn to him and say, this happened to me, and his mentor was really able to listen and help him process that trauma. That's real trauma. And it's pervasive, whether there's a real incident or a real...

Efrain: Yeah. Yeah.

Susie: threat or not, the anxiety is everywhere and our kids are really struggling as a result of that. So having a trusted adult you can turn to is invaluable right now.

Efrain: Yeah, I, and just imagine those that don't have it. So when we think about the why that is the why, right? It's those individuals that need that. a lot of times they just continue with that trauma, you know, go back to me, all the things I was, I never dealt with a mentor or, know, I would actually, I guess, find the mentors and teachers and kind of connect to that. But how about those that did not do that? You know, I think that's what kind of kit means. In line sometimes it was those teachers that were mentors to me that seen more in me than I seen in myself and for young kids sometimes they don't see what they have in front of them. They don't see their talents. They don't see, you know, what's good and what's bad, you know, and having someone that is there and someone that's that may look like them, that may sound like them, that may have that story like them is also so important because I can always kind of go back to those just men, you know, that I I remember being a good leader, a good father, just a good person, and I would always connect to those individuals and listen to them. And then when they resonate, when they tell me those stories, I'm like, man, he understands what it is to struggle. He understands what it is to fail. I love the failing stories, by the way. I love someone tells me how they failed and how they succeeded. That's my motivation. Tell me how you struggled. Tell me how you failed. That ignites me. Okay, cool. Never give up. Don't keep going. Keep going. Do you feel like you have those moments, Suzy, where sometimes you want to give up, but you got someone to kind of keep you going?

Susie: Thank you. I know you're jumping ahead on me. My question for your next guest is, you know, what motivates you every day? What makes you feel supported and what gets you out of bed in the morning? And your last guest said something about. When a donor turns you down, in this nonprofit world, it's all about fundraising and meeting your revenue targets. And when a donor turns you down, that is crushing. It is so crushing. you just kind of pick yourself up and keep moving. Sonoma is such an isolated kind of insular place, and the nonprofit

Efrain: Yes.

Susie: Havoc community is pretty robust here. have over 100 active nonprofits in a community that's fewer than 30,000 people. And we share donors with other nonprofits and you go to an event, you see they're sponsoring at the $15,000 level and you can't get them to answer your phone calls. And it can be pretty defeating, but you just have to keep going because there are

Efrain: Yes.

Susie: There are enough people who really believe in your mission and in the work that you're doing. You just have to find them. But, you know, those are the hardest moments for me. Especially if it's somebody who has been giving and then they stop giving. It feels like, it feels personal. It feels personal.

Efrain: they are. Then you're asking yourself, why would I do wrong? Was it a me? Yeah. I love it. We definitely do take those moments personal. I'm in a space now where I think I told you that I love wrestling. So was working with different brands and almost to the point where I want to have someone hear the nose for me and just tell me when they said yes, because those nose could be so defeating. They start messing with your mental. And it's like, listen, I work too hard. for these no's to take me out. So I'm at that place, because I'm going to find someone that can hear all the no's and yeses and just tell me the yeses. Don't tell me the no's. Keep them to yourself, OK? Just know we didn't get it. it. That is so funny that we go through at any levels.

Susie: That's right. Keep going until you get the yes. Keep going until you get the yes. I would love to see you wrestle. I think that would be so fun. What would be your wrestling persona?

Efrain: Correct. Yeah. So. I don't, you know, you know, the funny thing is I think to myself, first of all, I'm 36 years old and I heard someone the other day says I had a relaxing weekend and she was, I want to say probably mid forties, late forties, mid, yeah, somewhere around there. And she says, relax. I say, okay, so could you tell me what you did relaxing? Cause I want to relax on my weekends too. And she says I was actually a tap dancing and I had a, you know, dance recital. I'm thinking like, you got kids. And she's like, no, me. She's like, you know, I used to dance when I was young and now I'm trying to stay active and, you know, keep my body going. And I said, wow, you know, sometimes you got to remember that you're still so young. You can do it. So I said, I can go do a wrestling class. Like, who knows what will come out of all this? Right. And then I was like, am I a good guy or am I a bad guy? And I think because I am so positive, I just, I just want to be the bad guy. Like I think I could also be a good bad guy. So, um, I don't know that I have a name yet, but I think I will be the asshole. Suzie because I'm so kind. I just want to be asshole. That's it. Does that make sense?

Susie: I think that's so great. Like explore your dark side. Get in touch with the dark side because then when you come to work, you're ready to be Mr. Positivity. You're ready to cheer everybody on. But we all have that side and finding a way to express it in a healthy way is probably a really good idea.

Efrain: Yeah That's it. Yeah. That's it. Exactly, exactly. You get it.

Susie: Yeah, I want to see it. I want to see it.

Efrain: Hey, who knows? I told myself before I'm 40, there's actually a school down the street, maybe 10, 15 minutes. So we'll see what it looks like within the next year or so. How crazy would that be? I'll remember to send you some videos or pictures, Susie, if that ever happens. I'm in a shinglet, you know, just wrestling outfit. I might need to put a little bit more masks. I love it. Accountability partners. They matter too. Accountability partners. When we think about mentors, they're kind of accountability partners, right?

Susie: I'm going to hold you to it. Yeah, I'm going to hold you to it. That's right. A little bit, a little bit. One thing to clarify about our program is we're not an academic program. Our mentors are not tutors or teachers or another parent. Our mentors are really asked to be at social and emotional support for our students and just be consistent and show up every week and...

Efrain: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Susie: demonstrate through that consistency that this child is worth their time, that this child is someone they like to be with. And that message over time is just really powerful, especially for somebody who doesn't feel a sense of belonging or a sense of connection in the community or a sense of success academically. Having somebody believe in you can inspire you to be successful. and be motivated more internally. You don't need another adult telling you, why'd you get an F on your algebra exam? Let's study so that you can bring that grade up. Kids don't need that. They don't need another adult nagging them. They need somebody who can really show them that they're worth it and effort pays off.

Efrain: Yeah. true. Yeah. The funding that you mentioned donors, is this completely like through donors, philanthropists, or is it also government funding? Because I know we're in a time that it's a little you're too positive. A lot of people in the nonprofit space a little scared, but you seem like you got this. So I just wanted to know, is this all 100 % philanthropists work or where do you where do the funds come from?

Susie: It's a really interesting conversation because there was a time when I first came into this role six years ago and we don't get any federal funding, we don't get any state funding, and we don't get any funding from our school district. And it's an interesting partnership we can talk about if you like, but it's 100 % funded through philanthropy. We have... about a third of our revenue comes through grants and family foundations, about a third through fundraising events, and a third through just private individual donations. So it's not exactly a third, third and a third, but there was a time where I thought, wow, you know, we need to really look into some of these bigger funding models if we want to scale this thing. And in a really weird way now, I'm glad that we, don't rely on that. Sonoma is a really generous, really generous community. And we're very fortunate. Our budget is just under a million dollars a year. And we got a new fiscal year starting in just a month here. that's the challenge is starting over every year at zero. My board chair keeps telling me, don't worry about it. Don't worry about the checks coming in.

Efrain: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Every year, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Susie: June when you've met your target. I'm like, but I want that after July 1st. And he just laughs at me. Like, you got to let go of that 12 month cycle in your head. And yeah.

Efrain: you Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. That's good, though. That is so cool to know. And that's why you feel at ease. There's so many people in the space that are obviously reliant on it. And you guys are not. And that's what makes it even better is that you guys know you're always going to be there and meet people that are at and continue to grow. How many years you said you've been doing this, Suzy?

Susie: I started just six years ago. It's been six years. Feels like five minutes. Pardon me?

Efrain: Wow, and has been growth year after year? You see growth year after year? Happy outing, girl.

Susie: I mean, yes, and we have big plans for the new year, but yes, we've seen increased revenue each of the past six years. And I'm really fortunate that I have such a hardworking board and an exceptional administrative team. The three of us here in the office work really hard. And it's definitely, I don't do this work alone. I think I mentioned to you, this program is successful because of the community, because of our staff, because of our volunteers, and because of our board. Sometimes I feel a I get a little imposter syndrome when people say, congratulations, you're doing such great work. And I'm looking around like, it's not me. This is a team effort. You don't do this kind of work without an army.

Efrain: Yeah. Ha ha. You know what happened to me? The imposter's room is so funny that you say that. It happens to me all the time. Especially that I'm in this room with people that are probably 10, 20 years older than me now. I am kind of like the next generation in these executive rooms. So I'm sitting there as we're handing out, I think, 20 scholarships. it's about 17 to 20 scholarships on behalf of the organization a couple weeks ago. and I'm sitting there and I have all these certificates in my hand and I realize that my name is on them. And obviously I'm the president because I lead the organization. And I don't know that I just never realized that my name was on there. You know, and I was like, crap, look, my name's on here. She's like, what did you think? You're the president. I'm like, yeah, I know, but this is so cool to see. Like, you you just, you just literally do the work. It's not a title for you. It's just, I love what I do. Right. Like, so yeah, sometimes people start to do that. You're like, stop doing that. I don't like, I still get weirded out when I get praised sometimes.

Susie: I know that's a, I think it's a flaw. I'm told it's a flaw. You know, it's probably just so deeply embedded. Well, you deserve the praise and at your age to have accomplished what you've accomplished is really admirable, especially given everything you've overcome. You know, do give yourself a little pat on the back for me.

Efrain: It's just humbleness, I guess. We're just humbled.

Susie: Let's see it, there we go. I did it, I did it. I did did it.

Efrain: You too, Susie, stop playing. Don't be just giving me all the love. You give yourself some love. Susie, Well, Susie, definitely appreciate your time here with us today and really giving us so much insight what you guys do at your organization, but also representing yourself as a leader. And now we know your why, right? We've seen the why. You are so passionate about the work that you do. It does not work to you. I'm loving that you're going to go kayaking, really continue to be a mentor for those, for the next generation, I would say. We need positive people like you. We need good leaders and authentic leaders like you. And if you guys have been enjoying this conversation, make sure that you do like, subscribe and comment and check out Suzy and what the amazing things they're doing, especially on social media. Cause I gotta go check it out. I actually haven't checked it out, but I'm see all the fun that you guys are having. I'm Efrain, this is Suzy. We'll catch you on the next one.