Overcoming Burnout: Lessons from 18 Years of Nonprofit Leadership

[0:00]  I think about embracing because for some people it's really hard to to accept that their child has a disability especially some with dads when you look at them and they don't always share you know when you look at most interviews or commercials with a mother and a father who's talking most the mother you know and if the dad do talk it's it's amazing what he talks about his pain also you know that that pain is like something was taken away from him that he didn't expect they're so used to putting in 100% in their children and I said where is that even minus one% from 100 that belongs to you your goal is to find the time what is in the morning when the child is sleeping whatever to fill your

[0:49]  cup to make sure that you are being saturated with the love whether it's from a higher being whether it's from devotion meditation or whatever so when you start feeling yourself in Kenan they it's such an amazing feeling it's such an amazing aura like I'm always glowing I tell people people was like me you always smiling I'm like I was walking down the street and this woman said to me oh my God you have such an amazing smile she said every time I see you know people you don't realize people notice you when you're walking places she said you're always smiling I said why not smile there is so much despite whatever is going on in this world we have to create that that beautiful ois of what needs to be we need to talk a little bit about

[1:48]  the mission of MyTime Inc so one of the reasons why we're having this podcast episode together is exactly what you just talked about creating that free that safe space for our parents to be able to disconnect from the challenges that they face every day in supporting their children why don't you tell us a little bit about my time and the mission that you guys are on but more importantly the safety that you're creating for those safe places for parents and why that's so important oh my gosh the creation of my timing began 18 years ago you know as you talk my background I'm an educator special educator and then I received my certificate of Applied Behavior Analysis from Penn State and I started working in the homes of the parents of children with autism while working in the homes I was seeing the frustration the lack of

[2:37]  support from the family sometimes from the family unit that lack of support giving each family the ability to grow and be the best they can be so I was working with this amazing family and while working with this family the mom passed away so when she passed away I came home I told my husband we got to do something we got to do something something for these parents who lack the support that they really need and um open my basement you know we opened a basement I started working with the families teaching them the skills that they need to help reduce their children's Behavior but while I was doing that I said something was missing we got to have some fun and game because it can be always about reducing the behavior and missing out on the fun so

[3:26]  we started having guests coming I love to cook I love to cook so I make a meal and we'll all sit together and they will eat and I said what do you already need what can we do to create a space that makes you feel as though look I'm growing there is hope we're not alone and then we created the mying my husband came out with the name I'm like what should we call this this this amazing Vision that we have for parents and he said my time is regaining recapturing re Reinventing their time so they have this special safe space where they can come and not only share their emotion that emotional self-care piece about themselves to talk about what it is like mentally having a child and how Society

[4:15]  sees them sometimes because people some people some people Society look at them as like oh my gosh you didn't have what kind of child is this that you have but one thing we teach them at maming in a safe space is that that they Charli is a gift so creating this safe space where you can come to and find I remember we were bouncing from places the places until we finally found our location right now here in Brooklyn with a beautiful Terrace so our parents can come and feel you know what I feel safe I have other parents that I can talk to who are going through the same thing and that was so amazing to see the connection so hence forth mying was birth in in um 2007 my husband came up with the name but we knew we want to do

[5:05]  something that left a legacy left to mark for that parent who passed away cuz she was such a strong Advocate but she was getting burnt out and through that burnt out she died you know so it gave me such great joy and talking to my husband him being so supportive in that Vision that I had and he became a part because we worked together you know and it's such I don't want to say he volunteers his time cuz you know that's a whole non for-profit world so he volunteers all his time investing in this is part of the birth you know part of the birth went through the pregnancy and then gave birth in 2007 so 18 years later we have seen the child now becomes a young adult and after 18 year young

[5:53]  adult and as we grow it's like so amazing I cannot imagine what we have created and what we have seen in our parents blossoming from each other and with each other and you know one of the things we created recently was the accountability Partners where each friend I was so funny today I was talking to her parents she said oh my gosh I have to call that parent I didn't check in on her today and that is amazing I look forward to so many amazing things happening I don't know where God is taking me but I know where we are going he is leading the way it's so beautiful to hear somebody who is advocating and innovating when it comes to supporting the community of family members who truly need it now one of the things I think is necessary for

[6:40]  us to be able to kind of talk about here and kind of paint the picture of the problem that are or the challenges that our community is facing is as of this year um I work in the state of Nevada Los Vegas one of our partners here is called the grant to gift autism Foundation I talk about them here a lot on the podcast when I first started engaging with this organization back in 2018 we were about a one in 56 children were being born with Autism as of this year 2024 one in 36 children are being diagnosed and born with Autism okay that is a huge incremental increase in the amount of diagnosis that we're finding in our communities but when you multiply that times Mom and Dad how many families and parents are being affected by

[7:27]  needing to care for their child so it's not just just about services but it's about a whole family view of how can we surround them with a sense of community empathy and connection that often they feel like they don't get because of their situation being so unique to everybody else around them that's so true because people look at just the child like you're saying it affects entire families you know when I started doing this like 30 years ago and I got my degree and I started working with the families and looking at the families falling apart you know there was such a blame game it's your family no it's your family somebody in the family has to have it why it happen in our family and some you see the dysfunctionality because everyone is angry you know I'm like you don't get a break because some

[8:16]  depends on the you know autism spectrum it is a spectrum it moves from different levels so if you have a child who might be quite behavioral in the aspect of having some behavioral um challenges like the Kitt kicking the spitting the biting you know there's some behaviors that even as a parent is like oh my gosh sometimes the parents feel embarrassed about the whole situation and I think now what we're seeing 1 in 36 is because I think families are being more open in sharing and the diagnosis is being hopefully properly um evaluated our children and more um clinics or or or doctors are being true truful and straightforward families because even as a a

[9:03]  educator in my heart how can I tell you as a parent your child has a disability and even the professionals are afraid to say it because everybody's afraid of being sued or something's going to happen but even when I see the families that I serve I'm like we have to look at you have to look at your family as a gift how are you going to take care of that gift who are you presenting your gift to how are you un wrapping that gift you know the love you put into really raising your child and I understand you know I tell parents I always make a disclaimer I don't have a childhood disability but I don't know why this passion and this purpose came in me and meeting that one parent who passed away really changed my life so much and I saw you know I I told my

[9:50]  husband you know when I was doing this in 2007 this is my purpose and my passion this was given to me in any way or from whether from the universe whether from a higher being it was just given to me and the compassion and the empathy that I feel I remember there was a time I was like actually feeling the pain of the family it came so much my husband's like you need to pull back and you need to pull take care of you because it can be overwhelming when you feel that pain when you look into that Mother's Eyes or the father's eyes and feeling disappointed because my child the If the parents are professionals doctors or lawyers and you your first born could be a boy and that's the wish for most parents you know I want to have a doctor a lawyer this wonderful being and then the doctor says to you you have

[10:38]  a childhood disability that blow that grief and I One the thing I'm grateful for studying Human Services and Social Work looking at the seven stages of Deb it's like a seventh stage of debt that they have to go through all the emotions and finally I didn't like I don't even like to use the word acceptance really I think about embracing because for some people it's really hard to to accept that their child has a disability especially some with dads when you look at them and they don't always share you know when you look at most interviews or commercials with a mother and the father who's talking most the mother you know and if the dad do talk it's it's amazing what he talks about his pain also you know that that pain is like something was taken away from him that he didn't

[11:26]  expect so how do we tell a p par you know um what can you do and some say we can fix it there's no fixing I tell parents there are strategies strategies that you can place in your home with the therapist who come into your home with the caregivers who are in your home so it can help you alleviate and decrease the the the behaviors that is so unacceptable because you get embarrassed to take your children out I remember I had one family doctors and they like couldn't go out they won't go out so I started doing the training we're going to pretend this is a restaurant at home we just G to sit for a few seconds you don't have S for a whole second until we were able to actually go out at a restaurant and I could have seen that

[12:16]  Dad's face the beaming of joy that his son actually sat in a restaurant without throwing things or making noise and just enjoying that food so that's the things I love to see when I see my parents smiling when I see that there's a light go off and there's hope listen I have just scored a million dollars and more are parents hesitant when they first discover the great work that you're doing at my time do you feel like they're coming out of a fog maybe of feeling like they're alone and isolated and they have a a new found support group that they weren't able to before access or even imagine listen the great is when they come in they hear they see who I am first of all even speaking on the phone I think they don't believe who

[13:04]  I am when I speak on the phone because it say your voice you know you sound so compassionate or understanding of the situation I'm like honey come on down you know come over let's talk and when this really meet me like oh my gosh you're the person I'm like I'm who I am you know this is who I am Kenan I don't intend to change I change in things that is helping me grow grow and become a better person but when I see people my grand I grew up with my grandma I'm only daughter from my mom I grew up with my grandmother and she was always a person and still don't matter whoever person is you show love you show love it doesn't matter who it is you need when I tell people when the moment you press the Bell to come into my taming in the

[13:52]  hallway there is love you come into the elevator there is love you walk through the hallway there's a love so time you come to the door I will see some parel walking and they be like and when they see who I am to as a black woman and um my staff and whoever and they're like you could see like a weight of their shoulder and then I said welcome come in have a seat with like a cup of tea or something and they look at me like is this for real and I love to see you know I was tell my my assistant she is such an amazing mama she came into my organization nearly 15 years ago I remember she said to me why did you choose me I said I didn't choose you you were chosen to be here right now she's one of the most amazing mothers the support So when they walk in and

[14:39]  they see who I am and they see the space and they they they they have doubts they really do have doubt that this really exists and I and I'm still in them this is about you there are too many agencies organizations out there that cater to your children they are PID big Bock they are giving even big grants to spend time with your children to make sure your children get the resources they need the services they need this is about you I remember one one lady told my husband for real I can't come it's nothing for my child I said Well ma'am I'm sorry I'm not going to change I tell everyone I'm not going to change my mission or my vision to create an amazing special place for you parents it's about you're

[15:29]  going to learn it you know you're going to learn that you are valued you are worthy You Are Not Alone There Are Places I mean I know if there's any around but I know we have a space that when you walk in you're definitely not alone that has to that feeling of seeing of being seen and validated and heard has to be something that often these parents don't get to experience because like you said as soon as your child is given a diagnosis that proves that they are going to need support for the rest of their life often I feel like parents are very selfless in saying now it is my time to serve my child and how often do they have somebody like you who is willing to stand up and say this is about you you're here we're here to serve you that has to be a GameChanger for so many of these families yeah

[16:17]  because you know they're so used to putting in a 100% in their children and I said where is that even minus 1% from 100 that belongs to you your goal is to find the time what is in the morning when the child is sleeping whatever to fill your cup to make sure that you are being saturated with the love whether it's from a higher being whether it's from devotion meditation or whatever so when you start filling yourself in Kenan day it's such an amazing feeling it's such an amazing aura like I'm always glowing I tell people people's like me you always smiling I'm like I was walking down the street and this woman said to me oh my God you have such an amazing smile she said every time I see you know people

[17:04]  you don't realize people notice you when you're walking places she said you're always smiling I said why not smile there is so much despite whatever is going on in this world we have to create that that beautiful oyers of what needs to be and that's what we do at mying I remember um last week we did a sip and paint and I surprised them I made peanut coladas for every one of the P of the woman and they were like I said honey that's what I do cuz I know I want to be pampered I know I love to feel beautiful and be treated even the men I'm listen honey my husband make sure he takes them out and do things with them also because it's really tough in the fathers you know and especially some of the fathers who are not with the mothers and they on their own and now I have a lot of

[17:51]  fathers trying to reconnect you know and and be a part of their children's lives and I am working working on that so hard because the love of a father is just as great you know and especially if it's a male I tell my parents How Could you teach a male to use a a bathroom if you're a female you can't you can yeah you need that support so we are working on that now and getting our fathers so involved and letting them know you know what you two are not alone and there are moments you'll feel like that what are some ways in which you're really trying to hammer home this sense of community I know in our previous conversation you talked about some outings and I feel like they were beautiful stories that I feel like we need to share again or other examples of stories just like that where you took

[18:40]  the families the moms the dads on trips where they could do things like go to the spa or go to sport oh my gosh that going that day to the spa they look forward so during we normally do the Spas during our summer cuz it's nice outdoor you go to the pools and whatever last week you know I told the friends we're going to this place called the world SP so awesome so beautiful we got there and they had their beautiful white robes you know and just coming in and being there is so awesome so so awesome to see their faces the first time they're there you know just signing their names walking into the room and changing their

[19:26]  clothes it was the most most amazing thing that I see and the families the woman just connecting that makes my work so wonderful Kenan whatever it is out there I every day I am in gratitude to know that I can do something like this come some parents have never been to a spar never had the time to connect with other parents and to see them all and we were so blessed that day we got a cabana and the the corn sge gave us an extra one so was 18 of us in this Cabana and was

[20:12]  served and the treatment to see these ladies just sitting there basking and glowing I'm my y'all need to take a lot of pictures to show your husbands if is any they were so beautiful I'm like I sit I look at them I said Lord I just thank you I thank you for this Vision that I can see and I want to create so many of these in different states and I see that happening for the past few months I've been getting little signs of things that need to be done and I'm going away for my little vacation and while I'm there I know it will be revealed just the way it should be it has to also weigh kind of heavy knowing that you you are someone who so

[21:01]  intentionally serves others do you often take enough time for yourself to be able to reflect on the things that you've accomplished because one of my favorite things is it's difficult to pour from an empty cup of course one of the things I realize in myself is taking time for me that's why I go to the gym at 5:15 in the morning we have a group of I have a group of workout Buddies that are so awesome that fills me in such a way that I leave there more energized than anything else energized in so many ways Kenan people say to me where you get that energy from you know what energy you have there I'm

[21:48]  like the energy is great because I'm able to do what I have to do so I love it I love it I love it I just want to be able to always be be in that space excuse me que to be in that space that's my husband to be in that space I just want you to say hi am like invading kenan's time hello he's like part of the the whole the whole picture so just to be able to take the time for myself is my 5:15 in the morning classes just to be able to be in my own Community cuz when we go to the gym every single time we are given little phrases and little gratitude phrases to read and as we do that it invigorates me cuz I stay in the gym to like 6:30 then I come

[22:38]  back and make my little breakfast and do what I need to do and I'm ready for work I'm ready I go to work and I sit on my deck and I am in such a different space youan I have to do that for me because I cannot teach it and not do it for myself that's hypocritical I have to do it you know I have to spend the time and I love my little backyard on my front door my front porch and I sit there and I go into my own world because I need to do that I need to know that I am worthy just as much as I'm giving worthiness to others that I am fil so whatever I have overflowing I can give to you I love being me I got tell people I should be the skinniest person in the world I've always been a big girl I love it I love how I feel and I want each

[23:27]  person every the woman that we work with it don't matter what size you are it comes from here when you do things the right way from here and here everything flows your beauty just flows and beauty is from inside look I love my makeup and I love my dressing up but naturally who I am is from inside I tell people whether I wear makeup or not my beauty will always shine because that's what we need to do Kina we need to let our families know that they are not alone so I love it I heard a saying recently that said it's an amazing day when you start to recognize that life comes from you not at you yes but that takes time it

[24:15]  does take time and that's when I created my Divas Journal looking at the woman because I was looking at them and they was I was seeing they're not loving them themselves they're not discovering themselves so the Divas is called um it's a journal it say d for discover I for invest V is variety being open-minded a is authentic and S is your true self so how many of us are discovering and investing I tell people I discover me every single day my flaws my good times my bad times I invest by getting up early in the morning going to the gym you think I want to wake up at 4:00 in the morning but I have to do it because that's for my sanity you know so I invest myself in the time for me V I am very open-minded you know I will try

[25:03]  things is unbelievable you know my parents when I talk to them I'm like you're going to do this today like what I say yes you're going to do it you're going to try something new and then a I believe in authenticity everything I do listen I am who I am I'm as honest as I can be I tell people when you live a fake life you can never enjoy it you can't and then ask my true self am I really reflect in on who I am as a person and my entire being so that way I created that so when the women are talking having conversation where is that self where is that true self because as woman I mean as men too you wearing the mother hat the the father hat the wife hat the girlfriend hat the partner hat you wear

[25:50]  so many hats when will you put down those hats and do the self hat and look at you look in that mirror you know we are afraid to look at ourselves in the mirror cuz we're afraid of what we see cuz I always tell people your eyes are the window to the soul and that's how I see the parents I serve through their eyes and sometimes they walk in and I'm like I'll tell my husband oh my God this is such a heavy one because they come in with all these baggages I said you can imagine if I was working in JetBlue with all those baggages you all bring $40 a bag I'll be rich you know with all the baggages that you have so I said listen we have to

[26:39]  release I don't expect you to drop all the bags one time just drop one at a time which bag is less of a priority to you which bag when you drop that will allow you the space and time to be you which back can you drop that you're saying you know what I can't be doing this all alone anymore there are supports and I'm willing to open to open myself to New Opportunities how do you stay motivated to continue to do this work I think we've hit on it pretty well but after 18 years of working in this space how do you continue to show up fate fate because I know I was chosen to do this I

[27:30]  don't know I don't know why I say that but I know I was chosen to fulfill that void to bring love to bring joy to bring laughter sometimes I see the parents laugh and the laughter is such joy in me I'm like girl you could laugh like Friday night I saw some of these parents dance you know the' 70s dance and what oh my God K I was like I need to videotape you all it was so awesome to see that throwback and that motivates me when a parent walk in looking all oh and then they're like when they leave that motivates me when they call me on the phone and say Miss Clark I have

[28:17]  something great to tell you that motivates me and it comes the right time all because sometimes I may feel despondent especially coming to the grants despond abundant in the financial aspect of the business we do but when a parent call me and say Miss clar thank you tell Mr clar thank you tell Denise thank you we appreciate you that will make me just have my million bucks in my head you know and that's what I what I long for you know I I just I just want the families to have their their day you know have that joy and that hope and where as their kids grow and they have the right services and the right resources everyone deserve a bit of Joy

[29:06]  what are we thinking for the future of MyTime Inc what do we think the next two to five years are going to look like what are we thinking well one of the things I tell you as I've been having these visions and these signs and these I don't know what wonders in my in my mind is like you know creating mying spaces around around the country United States I mean I do when I go to Trinidad OB barus I do things mainly in Trinidad I like when I went this Christmas I did um no for the summer time I did u a nice luncher with some women we do through Zoom so I was able to meet them you know I see my time as this space in so many towns or different states no cuz there are so many people with

[29:54]  disabilities all around this world and if they can find a program like ours right in their backyard even just for once a month fly to Maryland even fly to Nevada once a month and come and just bring some light or laughter Joy or something in a space you know I envision our couples having date nights and we create these atmospheres because you know what the parents they love each other but the child takes up so much sometimes because their focus is so on Johnny Johnny Johnny they forget to see how beautiful each other is so creating a program like our this recreational program and the advocacy piece is quite important the only CH about that is understanding the

[30:42]  laws in each state CU each state have different laws and how things are received and how things are gotten as far as services but I think and each day the commonality is knowing that there is a recreational program where couples of parent parents or grandparents can meet and share make it create a community and look forward to seeing each other whether it's every Sunday night Monday night whatever day of the week to look forward to it while finding the right resources for the children also is about collaborating with other of the um service providers you know making sure they have the rest with because I want parents to start to learn their children are going to grow up Kenan they're going to grow up and as they grow up up sign the hard choices

[31:29]  that they have to make for their lives right now I have parents in a right now at a state at an age where their children like 30 and 40 and guess what they ready to put their children in residences or homes now how hard breaking is for you as a parent but also you look at where your life has been where it's going and I tell parents sometimes they are selfish because they're taking away that independence of their child sometimes they may not like me sometimes when I say these things but it's true we have to allow our children to grow and they may say to me oh you don't have a child of disability I say i' always give it the disclaimer it's not about that it's about what your child needs and what do you need also you are getting

[32:16]  older and weaker and your child is getting stronger we don't want to have to encounter half the stories I have dealt with or have been in places and environments where I don't want to deal with that but it's a reality so I see ourselves two to five years from now in different states even if I start once a month now creating a program like this that I can come in to spaces cuz I know I tell people when I walk into spaces I am a light put on your Shades because I'm coming in there so bright that you need your Shades and we got to start uplifting people more show love show more love love I think you are the perfect embodiment of heart and hustle because I

[33:05]  know the work that you do is not easy but there are people in our communities who cannot or do not feel comfortable enough to raise their hand when they truly need help and I'm so glad that we have leaders like you who are out there willing to stand up and Advocate and Empower others because we need it more today more so than ever you know Miss Clark I want to uh just thank you for everybody who is watching and listening thank you so much for sharing your story the last question that I have for you came from a previous guest their question was why do you love what you do and if you could change something or do something different what would it be why do I love what I do I think it it keeps me young first of all it keeps you young

[33:54]  you know when you love what you're doing it embodies your whole you you're embodied in every single way because when you love something it comes from here it comes from your heart your mind you wake up in the morning you can't wait to go to the office you wake up in the morning you can't wait to get a phone call from a parent that said oh thank you so when I wake up in the morning I'm in gratitude I Envision my day I Envision my day of love I Envision my day of just having the most amazing time connecting with my families despite the the obstacles I know they are obstacles I know they are challes but I love to know that I am making an impact in somebody else's life and I'm a game changer I've always say that I'm a game

[34:41]  Cher I can be stubborn at things but if I need something I am going to go for it one of the things people think about me I tell them no means on I just flip it cuz my degree you know I taught I'm dyslexic children so I'm like okay no means on so when I wake up in the morning I am not taking a no I am on the go so loving what I do is knowing that I'm making an impact in a parents life for them to look at themselves in that mirror and say you know what I'm not alone I know there are people out there who care for me and there's a special place like my timing when we walk in we know we walk in love so powerful you are truly once again the embodiment of heart and hustle and I cannot thank you enough

[35:28]  for everybody who's tuning in today once again watching and listening this is Miss Clark she is the leader who is helping other parents recognize that they need my time too so thank you once again that's a wrap