The Power of Belonging: How One Adult's Simple Gesture Transforms a Child's Life

[0:16]  Welcome back to another episode here on the heart of the podcast with the boys and girls club with Craig Baker. Where you located, sir?

[0:24]  We're in Stanford, Connecticut. That's, I don't know, give or take 30 some odd miles north of New York City, up here in the Northeast. And that's where we are.

[0:33]  I love it man, how long you been there, Craig?

[0:36]  Wow, well, I've been here with the Boys and Girls Club of Stanford for three years. I've been in this area forever. Believe it or not, and I know it's probably hard for you to tell, but I'm gonna turn 50 this year. So I've been in this area.

[0:36]  Let's go, you look good. Yeah. I mess with my neighbor, uh, oh my god, actually I'll tell you this challenge we did. So he's 49, of course I call him old all the time. Not calling you old, Craig, but you know, it's just my neighbor, I'm messing with him. So I said, man, you so old. So the other day I go to him and I like slap him on the stomach and I'm like, man, you look pregnant. And he's like, and I was like, 49 years old, you'll never get abs. He's like, do you know I was in the military? I'm a Marine. So I'm making fun of him. I'm like, sir, you're not gonna, he said by 50, I'll get abs. I'm like, yeah, all right. So he's like, look at you.

[0:36]  Nah,

[1:16]  You're 37 years old and you don't have no abs. You look pregnant. I'm like, wow. So we had a competition, 49 year old versus 35, who gets abs first? Craig, I just want you to know that I won. I'm just saying, you know what mean? Listen.

[1:25]  Okay. I mean, it's against the Marine too, so that's super impressive.

[1:34]  Yeah, he, you know, joking always with him, man. But no, you still definitely got a lot of life, man. What got you into the Boys and Girls Clubs though? Like something that you just kind of grew up in? Usually there's a while behind why someone kind of gives up maybe a paycheck to go chase that passion and purpose.

[1:48]  Yeah, I mean, a couple things. actually, speaking of being old, I dug this, I came across this. This is my Boys and Girls Club card from, and you you... hang on to your chair here, from 1991, the school year 1991. So I actually went to a Boys and Girls Club growing up. so that's part of what I appreciate about the movement. And then I was working in another nonprofit space here in the area supporting disengaged and disconnected teenagers. So I've been in this space my entire career.

[1:48]  And man, that definitely when you talk about it, first of all, 1991, I want to start off with I was just one years old, Craig. No, but it's cool. It's cool to always go back to those memories, man. So was the Boys and Girls Club to you? Was that like really a huge impact for you as you were kind of going through those youth years? Is that where you realized that, I want to make sure that I can give back to someone else that may have been going through those situations like.

[1:48]  Hahaha!

[2:53]  Give us the, for those that never experience a Boys and Girls Club, why would you be going to Boys and Girls Club?

[2:59]  Yeah, I look, I grew up as an athlete and was always surrounded by positive role models, mentors, coaches that pushed you not only in your sport, but in life. And that's how I describe what a Boys and Girls Club experience is. It's a comprehensive youth development organization. And I think we are, and they are designed to make kids feel safe. seen and supported. you know, that's the experience I had growing up, both at the Boys and Girls Club in my community, and then also just, you know, with the support of positive adult role models in life. And I think every single kid, no matter what their background is, can benefit from that experience.

[3:45]  Love it. And then you see like you going through the Boys and Girls Club and then you going becoming the leader of the Boys and Girls Club. Do you feel like there was something as well that you wanted to really shape and kind of redo or anything like that from the experience of you attending to now actually leading?

[4:19]  Yeah, mean, you I think, you know, and I'm so old that I don't remember this specifically, but I think like young people walk into spaces that they should feel an immediate sense of belonging. And, you know, there were times in my life, not necessarily at a boys and girls club, but when you walked in and you didn't feel somebody greet you right away or just show that they're so happy to see you or, you know, you are walking into a space where you're gonna be included. when I'm in our organization, every single time a kid walks through the door, there should be at least one adult whose face lights up, who has a big smile on their face, greets the young person by name, and makes sure that the kid knows that we are happy to see him.

[4:53]  Yeah, that's huge, man. I always say that a person, a story or a moment really changes somebody's life because I was that kid that had a lot of just leaders and people that really cared for me more than I cared for myself, I would say at times. So just kind of having that adult seat here, like you mentioned, smile on your face, like even asking, how are you doing goes such a long way, even for adults, I would say. But definitely for that youth, there's definitely the disconnect sometimes. Well, maybe mom's not at home as much. Dad's maybe it's not at home as much, which is probably why

[4:53]  Exactly.

[5:22]  that the Boys and Girls Club, right? To just kind of be after school and having some of these moments. So I love it. I love that you actually say, that one adult has to, because that one adult could really make that change in that child's life. Kudos to you. And you are currently the CEO of the organization, correct? How long have you been the CEO?

[5:43]  That's right. That's right, yes. So I've been in this role as a CEO for the past three years. And, you know, as you could imagine, the range of responsibilities there, but it's a $5 million organization. So you have all of the sort of deeply practical things you have to do, like hire folks and make sure that they're paid on time and, you know, pay the electric bill and all of the sort of stuff you need to do to keep an organization running. Fundraise. But, you know, the work can't all be about operations. Back to your earlier point, you know, for me, the young person, the kid has to be at the center of that we do, our work has to be about the kids. So in my role it's holding those two truths and you know leading an excellent staff to make positive impact on young people.

[6:05]  That's so cool. Are they all Boys and Girls Clubs all the same or they like depending on the area that the Boys and Girls Club kind of...

[6:27]  You know, they're as different as the community they exist in, you know? So, you know, I think all boys and girls clubs have, you know, sort of core common, you know, tenants. But, you know, we exist in service of our community. So, Stanford is a city of opportunity. There's a lot of big corporations here. You know, we talked about WWE in the past. They're headquartered here as an example.

[6:49]  Mm-hmm.

[7:11]  a lot of opportunity, but there's not a lot of access to opportunity for all the young people that live in all the various neighborhoods in the city of Stanford. So we're unique in that we are positioned in our case to really make sure the kids that are under resourced are getting as much access to that opportunity as possible.

[7:35]  I love it. Have you seen WWE like really promote the Boys and Girls Club? Like I've seen some of the like I think Montez Ford was a student or a member of the Boys and Girls Club and there was like the sharing this story on them. I guess maybe a banquet that you guys have or an award or something like that. It's pretty cool. So do you see a lot of that? Like those that were in the Boys and Girls Club go do some amazing things, but still come back and shed light.

[7:59]  Yeah. I do, and I think it's funny because there's sort of the big, huge examples. I know Denzel Washington, for example, was a club kid at some point. And then what my favorite part is, I see it.

[7:59]  Yeah.

[8:14]  on the local and micro level for people who aren't gonna be in any national spotlight, but they come back and say, man, I haven't been in here in 20 years. I came here every single day after school. This is what I'm doing in my life. And hearing those stories for me is just as awesome as like the superstar.

[8:32]  Yeah, it always, I can imagine, reminds you of the why you do it, right? Like, man, this is why we do it. know, 20 years ago, this man was in here and look at him, how excited he is to just kind of walk back into these halls. What are some of the programs that you guys do differently over there at the Boys and Girls Club in Stanford?

[9:12]  Yeah, so the way we're thinking about this is when we organize our program, because there's a ton of programming. have close to 600 kids that are coming to us every day after school and in the summer. So when you have that many kids, you have to a lot of opportunities. And we think of this from a framework perspective as start strong, be well, and build what's next. And sort of within those buckets, you know, for our youngest, kindergarten through third graders, we want to make sure they're getting the academic and literacy support they need to thrive and be successful. When we talk about we want our members, we wanting our members to be well, that's physically, so they have a lot of physical fitness opportunities, but also emotionally and from a mental health perspective. So access to counselors on site, for example, and then build what's next is our all around our middle school and teen population and high school population starting to get workforce development skills and then real pathways to college careers and the trades.

[9:52]  Okay, okay. And I was talking to, I think another Boys and Girls Club out of Salem. There's leaders out there that are trying to pivot, trying to figure out how do you fundraise. You did mention fundraise. What are some of the unique ways that you'd say the Boys and Girls Club is fundraising? So other nonprofit leaders or the Boys and Girls Club can kind of maybe mimic some of these things.

[10:14]  Yeah, no, no doubt. You know, I mentioned, you know, our budget is a $5 million budget and myself and my team, we're on the hook for pounding the pavement and raising about 2 million of that a year. So we do any number of things from sort of the traditional special events, you know, a golf tournament. We have a 5k race that we sponsor here in the city of Stanford. So certainly the special events, you know, going out to foundations and pitching them on the impact. making on the lives of young people. And then really, I'm sure as you know, and it's like anything else, it's relationship building and us building relationships with folks in the community that are well resourced and making sure that they understand that by supporting a program like ours, that their impact is going to be just astronomical.

[11:05]  Mm-hmm. Yeah, I agree. When it comes to relationships, it is huge. I think I told you that a leader in organizations at 30 years old, but it's like, there's a lot of things wrong in this scenario that has that taken over. There was no data, right? Because every leader walked away with their own data. was the relationship. So one, think organizations definitely have to create that data. What do you house it? But it is building relationships. And one of the biggest things, because we are in a pretty you wealthy communities like why are we not partnering with the chamber of commerce why we not in these rooms where you know let's not always go to that i would say the small fish but those big fishes that will are looking to make an impact that can you know donate ten twenty thousand dollars how do you deal with the nose though i think that's where people get caught up right you hear too many knows craig like what are you doing we hear the nose

[11:56]  Yeah, I don't care. The nose don't bother me and you know, whether it's a young person in our club, whether it's one of my three teenage boys at home, like we can't be afraid of the nose. I mean, it's like for every 10 asks, I get eight eight nose. That doesn't bother me one bit. I just pivot and go on to the next person because this is the way that I think about it. Like I'm not asking money for me. Right. I'm asking for to your point for the community to invest in its young people.

[11:56]  Yeah.

[12:27]  And I think when we look at young people as infrastructure, the same way we would a road that needs to be repaired or a bridge, it's, I think, the most valuable and useful return on investment you could make. So the no's don't bother me, they just motivate me. We're doing this on behalf of a bunch of young people.

[12:51]  Yeah, sharing stories, right? Sharing where the impact is really happening. And I actually want to know, is there a story that you can actually talk about that we talked about the whys that you could talk about this youth that had used the Boys and Girls Club. You can see the change and who they are and remembering the why. Do you have that story that comes to mind?

[13:10]  Yeah, any number of them. You know, I just, we just did a video for our own social media recently with Tatiana who just came back from her first semester at her dream school in North Carolina in her dream program, which is architectural engineering. And she's been a member since first grade and just finished her first year of college. And by all accounts, for the first half of her life, just was...

[13:10]  Wow.

[13:45]  painfully shy, had difficulty putting herself out there socially. Fast forward, by the time she was a teenager, she was our youth of the year, she's running our leadership teen program. And so for me, that's the investment that I'm talking about. And we don't take credit for that, but we did set the right conditions in an environment for her to accelerate her path to her own potential. now today she just walks around and basically helps me fundraise on a daily basis.

[14:20]  Now that is cool, man. That is cool to kind of see that transition in life and to rent you have your own transition to becoming a dad. So I can imagine you already leading before becoming a dad. Like were you in this space? Right. What are your kids teaching you now that they're a little older about? I can imagine you're still learning about even leadership and how you work with the youth. What are your kids teaching you from from home perspective?

[14:41]  Correct. 100%. They teach me a lot. Right now, I have a ninth grader and an eleventh grader and my oldest just finished his second year of college. I think of it as analogous to the work we do here because there's stuff you want to teach your kids and there's a way that you want to raise them. So there's some foundational things you want to do, but every kid is so different and they need something different. So the way I might challenge one of my sons would

[15:03]  Mm-hmm.

[15:24]  be very successful for one, be demotivating for the other. you know, they remind me both in my personal life and my professional life that one size doesn't fit all, that relationships matter, that to deeply know someone is going to only help your relationship. you know, making sure that you understand that every single person has different needs is one of the things that has been most on my mind. that from that perspective.

[15:46]  Craig, I'm a father of a two and a five. I say the number one thing I've learned is patience. What is the number one thing you've learned?

[15:52]  that it goes by fast, man. And I can remember, I mean it, the expression right is that the days are long, but the years are short. And, you know, whenever I meet young dads like you, you know, I do, I take the opportunity to look them in the eye and say like, listen, man, the time is so precious. And I know that it feels like sometimes it's going slow, but you're going to blink your eye. You're going to be driving your son to college, trying not to cry in front of them when you drop them off. But it goes by

[15:52]  Okay.

[15:52]  fast.

[16:23]  My oldest is actually a girl so I can only imagine what that's going to look like. She already has me wrapped around her finger. I do.

[16:28]  man. I thought, thought. Well enjoy it. It's a good thing. Yeah.

[16:33]  I I was actually telling my friend this. I have the blessing to see my kids every morning. I work from home. I mean, probably 90 % of the time. So what a blessing really is to have my wife at home. So she's doing homeschooling and being able to be at this level of parenting, right? Because we could be at home, we can have breakfast for our kids, we can. And I was telling my friend this yesterday because he's been in retail for a very long time. And he was telling me how, man, he has to drive 45 minutes. He really doesn't see kids maybe in

[16:57]  for school.

[17:01]  passing when he takes him to school and all this. I'm like, man, your daughter's 10 years old, man. You like you got to find something that because you only have eight years with her possibly, right? She's 18. She wants to go off to college. You can't say no. You only have eight years with her. You have to find something that allows you that time. Like that passing and can't see her on the weekends, man. Like what do we it's what we pour into our tiles. We can't just let the world pour into our child. Right. So was telling him that he's like, man, when you put in that perspective, you're so right. You know, I say you just turn for man, 10 years, you're 50, your daughter, like, we really got to focus on these children. But I do think that a lot of our parents are actually closer with their kids. Do you agree now, Craig, that are you seeing that shift where a lot more parents are really involved into what the child is doing extracurricular?

[18:02]  Yeah, I I see it in two ways. First of all, totally agree with what you're saying around the absolute blessing of having time with your kids. I actually had this conversation with my kids because they're old enough. The other day at the dinner table, which it was like, I wish I made more money. I mean that, there's stuff that I can't provide them that I wish I could. We have five people in the family and two cars and a lot of people wanna go to different places. I said is like, but I see you and I've coached you and your own teams and for me, I mean, I don't know that there's anything more meaningful than that. You know, to your question though is what I see with a lot of parents though, is that yeah, I think many of them are in fact closer. Like I've tried to raise my kids very differently than I was raised, but I also see parents who are working really hard, sometimes two jobs, they're coming home exhausted. They're emotionally unavailable and that's not a judgment. They've just had a very long day. And that's a real thing for kids as well. So I really, I see it both ways.

[19:04]  Yeah, no, 100%. I give so much grace now to my mom. She was a single mom of seven kids. And I felt that I didn't feel the support, right? The showing up to a chorus concert or any of these different things, but realizing that she was having to sacrifice. There are seven kids. First of all, she couldn't be all seven places at once, right? But who else was providing for the house? Who else was putting food on the table? Who else was making sure? And I think sometimes as kids, we don't see it, but as adults, and I'm pretty sure your kids will maybe not understand,

[19:04]  Yes.

[19:33]  Maybe they do, but really well understand as they get into the role themselves like holy crap like my dad really made a sacrifice and sometimes We just don't see it until years, you know that seed that you plant years later. Your kids would really appreciate it Because I love to actually speak to those Now adults that says man my mom my dad because they were this right because they were home and they were

[19:54]  That's right.

[19:56]  They will appreciate it at some times, Craig, because it's not about, I always say, paychecks, it's about passion and purpose. And your kids would now be more passionate. They'll do more purposeful things because of what you've led by example with. Is there anything else that you'd want them to kind of pick up from Craig and kind of run with?

[20:16]  Well, I mean, I think you just nailed it for me, right? It's like how many people can say, I'm doing what I was intended to do. And there's integration of who you are as a person and what you do for work. mean, I don't know. I know from my own friends that a lot of people don't feel that that they go to work to do something. And but it's not who they are. I get to do who I am like every day. I come here and I don't like you. You said it just as we were getting on, but like I don't see it as work. It's like we have a purpose and we're leading towards

[20:36]  Mmm. Wow.

[20:57]  that purpose and like and all of sudden it's seven o'clock and it's time to go home. like that if I mean could you hope for anything else for your kids then then feel that level of integration? I don't think so.

[21:14]  This is good conversation Greg, I appreciate it. And I love how one humbled you are, but I can imagine that you didn't get here alone. There was people that were pouring into you, there was leaders that were teaching you as you were kind of growing into these executive roles. What are some of the leadership advice that you still walk with today?

[21:31]  Ton and you're right. I've had the opportunity to be you know, mentored professionally by any number of people. Always trying to take my whole life of learning mindset from everybody. And, you know, my, my longest standing boss taught me so much in this youth development space. And, you know, I could pick any number of things, but, you know, what, what he taught me is that loving relationships change people over time. So you're not going to, you know, you're not going to punish a kid to do the right thing over time in your own relationships with your spouses and partners and kids. It's those who are hanging in the longest and have your best interests at mind. That's what works. Like loving relationships change people. And I try to apply that to everything. When an employee's struggling at work, I try to remind myself that people deserve many chances to learn and grow from their mistakes, which he also taught me.

[21:31]  Yep.

[22:35]  and my own kids and myself and you know a lot of those things I try to apply that look all is true of everybody kids grown-ups all behavior has meaning so if somebody's you know acting out let's not focus necessarily on what they're doing but but sort of what's behind that

[22:55]  Yeah, I love you said that. think those are the best educators. And I go back to that story of who I was at school. I wasn't a bad kid per se. Life was happening at home. Right. And there were some teachers that just made it seem like I was a bad kid. There were some teachers that really took me aside and says, hey, you're better than this. Like, what are you actually doing? Right. And I remember those teachers and I go back and have conversations with those teachers classrooms because those teachers just really poured into me and, you know, just didn't yell at me in front of people. Right.

[22:55]  Exactly.

[23:25]  There's so many different things as leaders that we have to be very mindful for in these roles. And with that being said, someone poured into you now, and I keep saying 50, you're actually 49, correct? Let's keep you the 40s, all right? Let's keep you in the 40s. You're 49, man. What are you saying to the next generation of leaders that you come across?

[23:25]  Yeah, that's right. For a couple more months. A couple more months. Yeah, I mean, I think it goes back to what we just talked about around, you know, like integration between who you are and what's important to you and what you're doing with your time. You know, for any leaders, think we, you know, I've talked about this a little bit already, like we, I'm sure this is true for you. we get presented so many problems so often, like right off the bat. Like most times, like we're not coming to work and people are like, hey, everything's going great. Like just go, go plan strategically. Right. It's like you walked in the door and it's like, this is happening. I don't know what to do with this. And like for me, what I tell people all the time is like, take a deep breath. Like don't allow your, you know, your emotions to, to get affected so much. Like we're problem solvers and, you know, don't, don't get,

[23:25]  you

[24:38]  by the emotions that that can invoke in you and be a great problem solver.

[24:45]  Yeah, yeah man. Do you feel like the next generation of leaders are making you nervous or they're exciting you? Some people say a little nervous but where do you feel Craig when you see some of these leaders come across your...

[24:46]  All right. Yeah, that's a great question. So, you know, My disclaimer again is that I'm not qualified to talk about any of this, but the path makes me nervous. Like when I'm talking about the kids we serve here or my kids at home, like this AI disruption and how much of it is positive and how much of it is negative, like that makes me nervous. And I don't know what the answer is, but what I'm encouraged about are the actual kids. Like they're less concerned, they're motivated, they're, you know, acting like

[24:48]  Thank

[25:32]  entrepreneurs and trying to figure out how to move forward. So, you know, the path of society makes me little squeamish, but the kids give me great hope and confidence.

[25:43]  I'm glad you feel that. Sometimes I feel like, is the work ethic the same? But you know, we live in a different times now, man. Think differently. But I do love how just involved more parents, more leaders are. How much more resources. Mental health is a thing that we can talk about. We talked about being ourselves, Craig. I think more than ever, we live in a time where you be yourself. And that's why I like to have these conversations with authentic leaders like you is because our next generation gets to see us being ourselves. Like there's we're not putting on a show. We're talking about some of our experiences. what leadership has brought us, some of it even our own failures, right? None of this has happened because we just won, won, won, won. Now we've had to fail and learn from it. Do you remember a failing moment that you still can think that it was failing, but it really a lesson?

[26:20]  That's right. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you transparently that my job right now, I applied for once before and didn't get it. You know, I believed that I was ready to lead an organization myself. The hiring committee didn't agree with me and selected someone else. And then two or three years later when the position opened again, I had to, you know, sort of manage my emotions around it, but I believed so deeply in what the organization did, I applied again. And I was better, much better prepared the second time around to lead the organization successfully. But that's why I tell people all the time, I'm like, all right, you got your no? Like, I don't care, I'm gonna try again.

[26:58]  Yeah. Yeah. What would you say for those that are listening to that story? What is the lesson that you say?

[27:36]  Yeah, I mean, there's a few lessons there. Don't be discouraged. It's part of the journey. You said it yourself just now. Not everything goes well and how boring would it be if it did? So when you have a setback, like how are you going to frame it in your mind? Are you going to frame it as a challenge or are you going to shrug your shoulders and say, well, I guess I wasn't good enough. I'm not going to take that risk again because it made me feel bad. You know, like what's the voice in your own head that you're developing? And the lesson for me is like, OK, you guys made a mistake. next time around, I'm sure you're gonna figure it out.

[28:11]  Okay, man, this is a good combo. We actually have to start wrapping this up, but I thought the best way to end this was that you're about to be 50 years old in a couple of months. What is the next decade looking like for you? What are some of the plans that you're, I can imagine, as you're getting to 50, your mind is shifting, your thoughts are shifting. What is next for you?

[28:11]  Next is to... grow this organization to meet the demand. Sadly, we have young people that are on a waiting list for us and because we're full and we don't have any more physical space, you know, it better not take me a decade, but I will solve that challenge. We will meet the demand in this community. Any young person who needs us will have access to us without barriers of price or transportation or anything else. So, you know,

[28:11]  Yeah.

[29:01]  Hopefully, when we check in in a few years, we'll have a third building, we'll have no waiting lists, we'll be growing and we'll be meeting the demand of this community.

[29:12]  I love it. Craig, and where can people find more information maybe to figure out what are some of the needs that you guys have to kind of keep growing? But just that they wanted to also connect with Craig in the organization. Are you guys on social? I think you mentioned social. What is the website?

[29:26]  Yeah, yeah, so all of the above, find us on our website, bgcastamford.org. And then we're on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook. But definitely come check us out. We need all the support we can get through, you know, volunteers spreading the word, of course, donations. But, you know, this is like I said, this is the most important infrastructure we can invest in. These 600 awesome kids that will be here in two hours making a lot of noise. But yeah, come check us out.

[30:02]  I love it. Well, Craig, I appreciate your time and all the information, all the insight that you were able to share from a leader perspective, the Boys and Girls Club's perspective, and really what's happening with our youth today and how people can actually get involved. So for those that are watching, make sure you guys do like, subscribe and comment. These are the conversations we continue to have with leaders like Craig Baker, just continuing to chase just that passion and purpose and understanding that it's not the paychecks that we chase. For any of those young individuals that are listening, you got this, know your worth, never give up. Craig been talking about it the whole time. I'm Efrain, this is Craig Baker, and we'll catch you on the next one. Laters.