Discovering your passion to helping others with Ruth Mohamed

[0:00]  so one thing I also like to do just to keep things fun now we can do this if you want to or not but I also like to play war because it like kind of keeps uh like a little bit of like a gaming element I feel like I played it years ago yeah yeah so I don't know what to do with it okay so every single time so what we're gonna do is I'm gonna give you a card and then we're just gonna slowly but surely play War so the first card is uh high card wins right you know the rules of war no joker is okay so lore in itself is um just if you lay over a six and I'll lay over a five then you keep my cards okay yeah and that's just how the entire team can do anything wrong right yeah exactly so high suited card or whatever wins and we'll just keep it cash all right so welcome to another episode of the heart

[0:46]  and hustle podcast today I've got Ruth Muhammad with me an LCSW a mental health professional but also somebody who's on the front lines of dealing with some of the mental health I would say challenges maybe that the world is seeing from a youth perspective so why don't you give everybody a little bit of background about you Ruth and just tell us about kind of your passion for mental health maybe where all that came from as well little back story um back in high school I always wanted to kind of go into mental health be a counselor uh didn't go that route so once I got into college I tried the dentist nursing I couldn't get passed by a 189. okay that's the basics right you gotta pass the first science class it's actually good great yeah um so then I ended up in meeting events

[1:34]  management parents wanted me to be a lawyer a doctor possible engineer end up doing media events management which I left I did that for about maybe a good 10 years um went to DC for about six years and uh last place I was at was the national Press Club loved it there met tons of people um met amazing co-workers colleagues but I always missed home in homeless Vegas so decided to come back out here got an amazing job at one of the hotels on the Strip was making great money uh but my anxiety it was too much um I was there for about six months and I lost about 15 pounds I was working maybe 60 hours a week plus um amazing colleagues that I worked there with amazing they were supportive

[2:22]  but again like I knew my passion wasn't there and so I decided to take a break for a couple of months from working I was blessed that I was staying with my parents when I moved back from Vegas and I was on unovi's website and I just kind of was like scrolling their website and I was like okay like let me see what they have you know here and I saw mft marriage and family therapists and I was like okay like you know what like maybe this is like the routing to go back to right I had this amazing advisor that I met at UNLV and he kind of talked to me about social work and it's crazy because when I was in DC I looked at Howard University right they have an amazing masters of social work program there but at the time I was paying enormous amount of rent out in the DMV area and I was working full-time and so I couldn't

[3:10]  commit to 60 000 plus you know tuition that they had and they kind of like you to commit to the the program well I had to work because I had to pay bills right right so I was like okay I'm kind of open to this social work idea again and that's what I did I enrolled I um I hadn't been in school for about eight nine years so to go back into that school mental mentality was kind of tough but I did it I finished I did the two-year track um took my exam within my second year last semester before graduation passed it which I was really grateful for didn't tell my parents so to tell them the exciting news was kind of funny because my dad was like wait you got your license like what he was confused because I hadn't graduated yet with the master so he's like I didn't know that

[3:57]  was possible and so that was pretty cool that I was able to do that started my clinical hours that summer and I would say this may will be four years that I've graduated with my Master's and Not only was I able to obtain my clinical license but just this year I opened up my own private practice congratulations thank you thank you so really excited um it's a new learning curve because I've never been like the entrepreneur the business mentality my husband and I would always get into tiffs because he loves business mentality and that's just not me so helping him understand like this is how your brain works and this is how my brain works I'm just not a risk taker and so I felt like there was a lot of risk with it but I've just been so blessed that along my journey I just

[4:44]  have a really good support system so not only have my parents and my husband and my siblings been supportive of my friends but also people within the mental health world as well whether that was my clinical supervisor or co-workers or people that I went to school with that I still keep in contact with and with all of this what I've taken away from it is the importance and like having relationships and building relationships in that Network and how important that is and not only because it's like you never know when you need people but essentially it's like we can't do everything on our own so sometimes like you're gonna need to tap in to like different networks or like different types of people and different facets you know what I mean absolutely that part was kind of yeah I mean so it sounds like a backstory yeah no I mean it's an

[5:31]  interesting backstory and the thing I'd like to kind of talk about is coming from a diverse cultural background sometimes I feel like a lot of us got the pressure to kind of go down the root of being a doctor being a lawyer right so like when you kind of decide to Splinter into something you're passionate about the LCSW the mental health professional route what was the reaction of your parents and what were they kind of thinking about like is my daughter making a mistake she should be going like more the solid route of becoming that doctor lawyer I'll be honest I think at 2122 they kind of lost that dream only because I went into meeting events management yeah so they're kind of like okay you know what she graduated she's working now she's you know able to take care of herself whereas fast forward all these years it's like they were just happy that I was going back and getting a masters yeah right and my parents

[6:21]  they they really didn't have a choice when they kind of first came to the states right my dad all these years the majority of his years has always been a driver right a taxi driver and my mom for a long period of time was still a stay-at-home mom taking care of me and my siblings it wasn't until we came to Vegas where she actually was like okay like out there working but even then it was like in Hospitality it was like housekeeper you know and I remember one time she took us on a tour she took my I don't know if my brother was there but yeah she took she took us to one of the hotels that she was working at and gave us a tour and I'm sure there's so many other immigrant children that can kind of relate to that because I know a couple of parents who did that too but just to kind of show us like this is what I do this is what I do and this is something I don't want you

[7:09]  guys to have to do oh wow so it was always kind of like they really pushed education and kind of now where I am with my um place up with students at my school site education is not really the the only option that they have right so I try to keep an open mind for my students and kind of letting them know like look like there's other things too but we just got to work hard right um and so it's just been interesting to take how I've been raised and then to kind of now place it into like today's society yeah right not everyone needs a college degree it's it's a good start it's a good backing but I think it's so important too to know what you want to do like if that's the route we're gonna take

[7:55]  maybe the first year or two you might be like okay like I'm gonna figure out what I'm doing but really I think it's so important that instead of paying that 40 60 000 tuition just to say I have a degree really understanding like okay what it what is my passion yeah you know what I mean and it's okay sometimes like for me I restarted figuring out my passion at 30 at 31 right but it's it's crazy to see where I am now and look back because I'll tell you the truth that first week in my master's program I was like what did I get myself into I was just taking a bath like what did I get myself into but then to also sit there and say I still have to get 3 000 hours for my clinical license I still have to take an exam like what like this is too much and now fast forward not even four years later I've done it yeah

[8:43]  I've done it all and it feels so good to be able to acknowledge it and to give myself that pat on the back right I think it's always so nice to like recognize and reflect the growth that we've taken and to acknowledge it it feels good when other people validate us but I think it's so huge when you yourself are able to see like this is where I am I didn't get here alone for sure but it's okay right it's okay to kind of have my tribe there with me because through it all they were there yeah right and that experience of we're gonna start the game of war by the way okay so so first card over I have an ace so this is above a king so unless you have another Ace that card is gonna be mine okay yeah somebody got seven mine okay so the game is on

[9:29]  um let's talk about kind of the mindset of putting yourself in an uncomfortable position so like going back to school and entering into the master's program when you're in your late 20s early 30s so scary for so many people because of what the Judgment of other people and I feel like that stops so many people from getting started so what were some of those early conversations that you had with yourself about like I need to go follow my passion or I feel like I'm not going to be fulfilled later was there like a risk assessment of like am I going to be unhappy in the future what was that like yeah I'll keep it real like I was okay look I don't know um now I can't concentrate hold on okay so no the cool thing was when I um so that's you right yeah that's me still I'm sorry

[10:16]  um the cool thing was like in my cohort like it was a huge span of Ages like a range of Ages which was really cool um and I would say there was like a small minority of individuals who um were like under the age of 25. the majority of them were like above the age of 25 in their 30s there were some in their 40s so I never really felt like I didn't belong right right but what I did recognize was from like when I compared my bachelor years to my Master's years the confidence that I had like I don't recall in my bachelor years like raising my hand asking questions like building relationships with teachers right um let alone my my classmates

[11:04]  um but in my master's program I was it was to the point where I was like okay be quiet yeah but I I tried to ask questions that were kind of like you know not too obvious right but because I really need to understand right my background was not Social Services it wasn't psychology so everything that I was learning in the master's program was like new new for me right like I felt like I had the personality to be a therapist I felt like I had the mentality to be a therapist but you know there was that like the way they call it imposter syndrome like do I really belong here like am I doing this like this is actually what you know but it's like yeah but I will say too like I loved the program at UNLV and I got the

[11:52]  support from the teachers um I got the support for my classmates and so when you combine all of that really the only thing left is your drive right because there were a lot of papers that I had to write there was a lot of days that I would be at Starbucks for a couple of hours on my laptop right knocking it out but it's like I wasn't a procrastinator so then I found myself like talking to my classmates like about how not to be a procrastinator because we would have like 30 Peach papers yeah and it's like I I know I struggle sometimes with anxiety so I knew what worked for me like I'm gonna break this down and just kind of like like seeing how that worked for me and it worked out perfectly right going to the gym like that was another like coping thing that I did too to kind of help balance my um my workload right because we also

[12:42]  have practicums so I was working at the Department of Family Services in the adoptions unit my first year then the second year I was working for CCSD I was another practicum student just School social worker and I loved it so that's kind of the route I took after graduation and I love that you've had so much I would say like lived experience when it comes to you know I think you're going to win this one there it is that's the first win yeah just because it was a two yeah exactly um so you know I love the lived experience and being able to kind of step into a role as not only kind of a shared classmate but also kind of a mentor you know one of my favorite sayings and this is what kind of caught my attention there was Jeff Bezos said that we feel stress when we're not taking action on the things that we know we should and so you talked about you know feeling anxious about a 30 page

[13:28]  paper is that one of your Tech weeks and realizing that you've got work in front of you that has to be done and then you break things down into smaller chunks to start like chipping away at it so it's not scary well that's the thing too because it's like my background was more of the meeting events planning so I'm a planner right I'm a planner at heart and so that's the way it worked out oh I go first oh no it doesn't matter yeah I was just waiting for you I didn't want the jacket um I don't know what the Jack Falls oh yeah oh there we go so that's a big win um yeah that's the thing it's like so I I've always had to kind of be organized right so that's kind of how my brain always works and it's funny that you say that because a lot of times I'll hear people in the school district how people have been there like 20 plus years 25 plus years and that's all they know and I had a

[14:16]  colleague who was saying like it helps when we've done other things before you come into like this job that you're doing until retirement essentially so you do learn skills right the more things we get involved in the more things that we're able to the skills that you're able to utilize in other places yeah so I think yeah it's actually a good point I mean that lived experience and this is the kind of thing I think about school it's like it's so difficult to ask people to make a decision on their career if they haven't gotten out into the world and actually like taste it different stuff because it's easy to read about doing push-ups it's another thing to do them right and so you come in as a young 30s individual you've got life experience you're coming into the mental health profession for the first time like you said you didn't have a psychology background yeah and so everything's kind of being thrown at you did you kind of take some of your lived

[15:03]  experience from life and how you could apply it to what you were going to be going down from path perspective for what was that like I definitely put a spin on it yeah I mean you have to because it's like this is how I'm gonna survive right I couldn't because I already had a bachelor so that was the cool thing about um UNLV was like it didn't I didn't have to have a background right and I was actually kind of nervous about that because here I am with a degree in meeting events management and I'm applying for the master's program and social work and initially I was on the wait list okay and I was so butt hurt does that mean I mean so this is the highest card you can have so you don't want to keep those that's a good win okay yeah um but I was pause now we play War so it's four card three cards down w a r and then we flip over the card so this is

[15:52]  the winner of it all ten five ah so give them all these give them ultimate yep oh there was a joker in there and a face card what'd you get a couple twos a seven and a queen thank you so much for that I know I'm gonna steal from you but I'm so happy I don't remember playing this yeah so this is the game um what was the question um so we were talking about um lived experience coming into the space being an outsider um I might have lost my train of thought as well one more popped up there um remember now you're paying attention he ain't paying attention either that's fine Kell I know right so we'll so we'll reboot with the new question so um no now I'm assuming on my it was like lived experiences

[16:41]  survival survival I think it was like like the skills yeah it's like um how like my background wasn't Social Services exactly you came in with like an outsider perspective so at that point it was kind of like I signed up for this yep um I'm just gonna have to put in a little bit more work right but that also was like okay I need to be or I have to be organized I have to have good time management so there were still things that I made sure that I was able to do um but then again it goes back to like building relationships right so I didn't graduate the two years in my master's program by myself like I had amazing group of friends that I was able to build relationships with and get that extra support right so we kind of like

[17:28]  helped each other isn't that like a part of like growing up as well as recognizing that like you can't take on everything by yourself but like when you surround yourself with good people it makes everything a little bit easier you know I mean the team element is so important I feel like we don't emphasize that enough in school it's always like don't collaborate with your partner don't talk about stuff do it on your own and then you get into the real world and they're like find people who are feeling the gaps that you're not doing it 100 right but I think too it's so important to do more of that in school so that kids are able to like build relationships yeah with others you know what I mean and I again so that they don't feel like they are all by themselves yeah I think that's so important so let's take a pivot now and let's talk about mental health so now we're going into the space where you're now a social worker in a school what does mental health mean in the academic

[18:17]  environment right what is like the expectation for you to manage the mental health and I would say the healthy habits when it comes to our mental health with the students like what does it mean from your perspective like what is your definition of mental health because I feel like it's so all-encompassing now for so many people like what is like what does it mean to you as a professional I mean I'll be honest I feel like a lot of times like the things that we do our actions a lot of it has to do with our mental health like and seeing talking about mental health doesn't mean we necessarily have deficits yeah in that realm either because I think the stigma is still out there right but every time we hear about something happening in the schools you know the first thing they say is like oh the mental health yeah right the mental health of the students or the mental health of the staff and it's it's true but it's so much more than that and I

[19:05]  think one of the things that we're really struggling with is like I can only do so much for the student while they're in front of me because when they leave school they're going home right right they're going back to their Norm right like they're it's almost like they're living too different types of Worlds right there they have their school setting where maybe they can be a little different right or be more comfortable or it could be the opposite too and then they go back home and it's like what is that home life look like right because the behaviors that we see and this can be with the adults too right um if I wake up in the morning and I'm in a grouchy mood there's a high probability when I get to work I'm gonna be a grouch yeah like I'm gonna be more irritated very true the same goes for kids so as an adult it's tough for us to kind of turn that off right and the same

[19:55]  thing kind of applies to the kiddos and I think a lot of times we don't reciprocate it that way right and this goes to parents too this isn't just like about the school setting but even parents like with their kids it's like I try to always give like that you know Devil's Advocate like the other perspective right apply it to yourself right and a lot of times when we take the time to have those kind of conversations it's kind of like an eye-opener you know what I mean but I think that saying you want to talk about mental health it's not that necessarily it's coming from we have a mental health crisis we do and I think that's one of the reasons why I was like you know what let me kind of like start my own private practice um because again like we need more clinicians out there right but it goes so much more than that because then it's

[20:44]  like insurance and payment accessibility right a lot of those layers and then having those conversations I've had students that I feel like really need to speak with someone whether it was just having additional support it's not always like oh they've had trauma they just need to process it but sometimes they just need that extra support right like I need my friends for that sometimes like a little extra pep right to give me that extra pep in my step but sometimes like we need that as humans it's not that something is wrong with me I need to go see a therapist right right it could just be like I'm kind of in limbo and I don't know what direction I'm supposed to take or whatever the case is there's so many various reasons out there but I think so many times when we talk about someone is in therapy or someone you know is dealing with mental health we're always

[21:31]  thinking like extreme yeah I feel like it's almost like looked at is like it's a it's a sickness yeah you know what I mean rather than almost like a Continuum of everything and when I think about kind of the role and responsibility that our Educators and our parents also plan our mental health it's like there are so many micro interactions and experiences that build a picture of mental health so like what type of conversations are the everyday person the everyday micro influencer in a kid's life supposed to play in talking about mental health because one of the things that when you and I spoke about previously was like sometimes our culture doesn't have the skill set to be able to have conversations and when I think about how important the education system is but more importantly the adults in the education system it's important to have some of those like low-level conversations to start to create a foundation for a frame work of you know

[22:19]  understanding and literacy but I feel like so many times like you have a teacher for example who's in a bad mood and like you see their mental health that is not healthy and then they present that to the kids and it's okay to be upset it's okay to snap at people and like those are the type of interactions that I see it's like from your perspective as a mental professional what is the role of people who hold you know rules of responsibility and I guess that the kids look up to like teachers normalizing just having conversations right normalizing just checking in on them even for myself having the clinical background I'm not having interactions with students or with staff with that hat on all the time right so it's like you were saying kind of starting at a checking in level right because we want to feel comfortable right and it's so

[23:07]  important too to use language that kids or you know people who are not familiar with the mental health world to also understand but sometimes it's just having small conversations it doesn't always have to lead into I'm diagnosing someone or I'm using different interventions on them it's just sometimes it's like they just need someone to listen to them yeah you know and actually it's funny you say this because I just had a two hour meeting with one of my students last week or this past week and um I I know she's had trauma in her background right but it wasn't us going into the specifics of her upbringing or anything like that it's talking about the present moment yeah and then talking about her future right and I think what I find myself so often saying to um my students is you are your ticket

[23:57]  out right I I feel very privileged and very blessed that I always had my parents to fall back on I'm in my 30s now God forbid something happens I know I would still have their support right but that's not everybody right and one of the common things I'm seeing is or at least at the schools that I've been at is that a lot of our kiddos they sometimes don't have that right and it's nothing that they did wrong but it's just helping them understand like I need you to stay focused but I know it's hard right and it's it's letting them know it's me acknowledging I know it's not easy to to balance that right and so by the end of my two hour session with her um I was able to kind of like Get Her Back to the class that she was supposed to be in but it's like I know that I'm an additional support for her on campus

[24:45]  right so it's again just like building that Rapport right and letting them know like this is a safe space for you and I think it's so important to have an adult somebody who you trust who can teach you that there is something Beyond what's happening right now because I know like the education experience for me it seemed like I was never gonna get out of here right and then I was going to be in high school or in school forever but as soon as I started understanding it there was something Beyond it it gave me something to look forward to you know what I mean I think that sense of almost like future pacing is super important for little kids sorry that's you yeah um no yeah and you know that you end up like it gets better right but it's like you know they look at me and they're like you don't know what you're talking about right like you can't relate but I acknowledge that like I'm not in your shoes you know when right now like I think just in general and it looks like I won

[25:36]  official thinking um so then you would typically count right no so we keep going yeah so like there's it's not over yeah exactly so because you have that joker in your hand it's not over and you can make a comeback I've been in this position many times and I've lost many times as well okay so um yeah I think the ability to kind of future pace is super important but what I'd like to kind of talk about is like what do you think the impact of like social media is on this newest generation the fact that you just said that it was literally like I was about to just touch on that yeah like cyber bullying yeah because it's completely different from like our experience when you said like you guys don't get it like you don't understand what it's like these days like yeah I don't because when I was going through High School Facebook wasn't a thing Instagram wasn't a thing and now there's so many angles that people can come out at you and you have to manage so many different masks in society so like what's your two cents on like where we sit as a country as a

[26:25]  society in general with social media is a huge impact okay um so the three right yep w a r and then flip it over two oh that was good see that's a big one there you go you got an Ace and a jack right there nice um man Keaton we always do this the war on a really good point I'm trying to make no so we're talking about social media yeah so you're right like we thank God nope sorry my bad thank goodness we do not have social media um during our time only because I we see the effects of it now this isn't just about like the kids even adults right

[27:12]  um and I'll be honest with you like even going public with my private practice and all that like we I had a fear of being vulnerable right um I I knew in the back of my head okay like I'm gonna get support but it's just kind of like that judgment right that fear of what are people gonna say whatever the case is right and it's sad that that's a society that we live in where we have that doubt right um has anyone criticized me to my face no so it's like what am I going based off of right and that that was something that I really had to kind of like have a conversation with myself about and being okay with it right um and it's a it's an inner voice right that we're talking about which is really

[27:59]  the toughest one yeah yeah the irrational negative thought yeah I mean it's like it's very interesting I read a book that was called um the untethered soul and it was about kind of reframing that inner voice as someone who you call your roommate because if you have the ability to observe that voice if you're listening to it right then obviously you're in some other place where you can hear and understand that yeah and so the analogy that was done in that book was like imagine if that inner voice was a roommate and put yourself in a situation that we all experience with that roommate imagine you guys are sitting on the couch and the roommate next to you that little voice in your head is saying everything out loud it's like did I check the dryer should I go to the store Trader Joe's and go get those bagels I wonder if I you know I mean it's like dude you have to just be quiet yeah you know what I mean it's like reframing about that way yeah reframing it was

[28:46]  super helpful for me because I realized that the inner voice is often somebody was giving me terrible advice yeah but they're almost like behind my defenses because I've spent so much time with them and I take it at full value yeah and like that's a big issue especially when that inner voice is kind of somebody who's going to be uh how do I say not as trustworthy to kind of tear down some of your dreams and Ambitions which can stop so many of us from getting started in the first place I mean something I've commonly talk about like I call it challenging those irrational thoughts right um because most of the time it's it's not real right but it's like you give yourself a reality check right right where you hit it with facts right so you're able to be like no like that's not the case like what what evidence do I have to to base that off of right but

[29:34]  I think a lot of times what we struggle with is taking the time in having that conversation with us it doesn't make you crazy to talk to yourself it's okay you know just make sure you're not in public you know what I mean if you're alone do it out loud it's okay you know but I think so often like we just don't take the time in in talking to ourselves and you know I always give the examples of um if you're dad is having a rough day you're probably gonna try to uplift him right but then if you're having a bad day you're gonna like so go in on yourself yes and talk crazy to yourself yeah right but it's like why don't we give ourselves that same Grace yeah right that same kindness treating yourself as like one of your

[30:21]  friends is something that I often talk about all the time it's like okay if I was talking to ROM as an example and he was like dude I'm just so tired I'm like dude you should take the day off today though yeah you should rest and recharge but I feel like often we don't give ourselves that Grace to be like oh that's not okay what do you mean yeah exactly yeah exactly it's like me trying to go to the gym yeah yeah exactly um that's yours I won that one yeah I mean that's just very interesting so from your perspective as well like what are some of the big challenges that we're gonna start facing from like a mental I'm so sorry just forget those you don't have to worry about those um what are some of the things that you think we're gonna start you know seeing as like bigger challenges I've seen a lot of conversation recently about mental health being an epidemic so many people are feeling anxious so many people are feeling depressed I think I

[31:08]  saw a number this morning on social media it was like 260 million people have anxiety and depression and so many people do not have the tools or the skills to be able to like raise their hand and ask for help so like what do you think some of the macro issues that we're going to face of a society who feels overwhelmed who feels a little bit anxious but we feel like we can't talk to anybody like what do you think is going to happen to us all what's gonna happen to us all I mean that's the thing right it's like it's it is at a macro level it's at a level above us right but I feel like it's individuals like us who even if we right now just have a small voice it still makes an impact yeah right and I think for me going into social work I had to have the mentality that I'm not going to be able to help

[31:54]  everybody right as hard as that is but making sure with everyone that I come into contact with I'm going to leave some type of impact right and if it's it's not always like it's not always they need therapy it's not it just sometimes like we need to talk nicer to ourselves we need to show ourselves kindness right being nice to other people right like we're a real I don't know it's just as a society I don't feel like we're positive but again it's like there's Lakers to it right if you're going through stressors if you're struggling in life financially um physically if you have health you know pediments whatever the case is like your life's not a bunch of roses right it's probably kind of like I'm gonna be miserable yeah right but then it's like

[32:42]  showing them or but essentially it's giving them resources right and that's one of the things that we struggle with as a society is everyone is a beggar yeah where everyone has their hands out no like it's just it's not an even playing field right so then it's like I don't feel like we're United you know we talk about mental health but there's so much more outside of the Talking part of mental health right it's providing those resources and I feel like right now the nation is just not as focused on that part of it right right so you can put as many therapists you want out there right we can all get our masters and get our licenses but that's not going to help I don't think the majority of our society yeah I mean when you say that naturally I think of like

[33:29]  the doctors that are out there right it's like we can have as many doctors as possible but I feel like only people go see the doctor when they're at a severity level where they're like I need to go talk to this professional but a lot of the health Continuum The Experience happens so much farther before that right enabling ourselves with the right tools the right education the right understanding about how we can help manage our own health is super important and the same is true with our mental health you know I just think about Society in general it's like we have so many dis focuses our focus is put in so many different areas it's like well I have to work on work and then I have to work on my family and then I have to work on this idea of social media and spending my time out there it's like if you don't give yourself enough time to really focus on what's important for you long term then you're never gonna kind of get to the position where you feel good

[34:16]  about yourself and I worry that like these little devices are just so distracting that they take away so many micro moments away from giving us the ability to kind of focus on the stuff that really counts does that make sense 100 you speak up the devices I'm thinking about the kids at my school where it's like that's that's all they do is majority of the time they're on their phone but I think it's also something it's a device and it goes for adults too we use it when we have a little anxiety yep we use it when maybe we're feeling a little insecure but we don't realize that's what it is right this is this is my comfort right um I might check my email Knowing damn well I have no emails right but it's just like I'm just gonna look like I'm busy or I'm gonna look like I have something going on those are the type of things where it's like there's more of a

[35:06]  deeper root right in there but it's again being able to sometimes say you know what I do need help yeah right but we need a support system for that and so there's so many layers to why I think our country is going in the way it's going with mental health because it's not just one issue at hand yeah there's so many layers to it the thing I think about as I hear you say that is um you know I think about our generation in general as being incredibly unique because we've experienced both sides of the technological Revolution right I remember growing up in the 90s and there being no cell phones there being no computers there being no nothing and then we're in our teens in our 20s and now everything is so digital and it's like the generations before us live so much time in a world where there was no

[35:52]  Tech that now they look at almost like the tech immersion of being like something that is only affecting the younger generation right there's that polarization of like it's the younger generation that doesn't get it so when you talk about what's important I think about us having conversations like this as being critical to be able to give people a better understanding of like there are people who are talking about these subjects out here because technological evolution is going to be something that's going to be a part of our time right AI has started to blow up as an example we're only going to see the next generation of those types of things but you know our I think we were just so lucky to kind of grow up in a place before you know the evolution of Technology as it kind of plays the role in our lives today and that's why maybe we have the perspective of thinking about how damaging these things are because it has become a place of comfort for us right I mean like our generation

[36:40]  doesn't exactly smoke cigarettes like the previous ones when we wanted to feel a little bit de-stressed now we just instantaneously hop on our phone and kind of spend time in this digital world that doesn't have any like malleable feeling it's just that dopamine release that we look for so it's like what does how do we get away from that do we get away from that we're gonna take time that's all I can say because I don't even know how right like that question is so Broad and it's so heavy right going back to the phone for example like you take a kid's phone away it's like their whole world collapses and adults will make comments about it I'm like hold up if you take my phone away right I'm gonna have trouble it's like it's just being able to relate right there's such a like a power struggle power difference but it's like being able to to acknowledge it right

[37:29]  and I think as a society again right it goes to these are people that have power right and and how do we use it right so it's just kind of understanding that I don't know it's just it's heavy that question is loaded yeah it almost feels like we have to start breaking it down like you talked about with a 30 page paper right breaking into kind of blocking and tackling and being able to take it one face at a time which I think is super important so from uh let's talk about the conversation perspective right if you have adults out there who feel like their kids are leading a little bit too much into technology they're a little worried about them in the social media exposure what are the type of conversations we should start having with you know our adults so we can create a better framework for having conversations with the kids like what

[38:16]  does that look like it's funny that you say that because I try so hard not to have these conversations with my parents at the school site because I don't want that I don't want to make it feel like I'm telling them how to parent right when they're not there for a family session right they're just talking to you about a particular problem um but you know to answer your question it's like limits you don't have any limits on it but I I don't know you know because it's like it starts at a young age right the discipline parenting all of that it starts at a super young age right so when I'm dealing with middle school kids if you haven't laid down rules and and that sort of thing through you know toddler age and Elementary School it's gonna get real hard when they're in middle school because now they're starting to be more vocal they're starting to you know get to know

[39:03]  who they are as individuals and then high school you know it's it speeds it up a little bit more right so I think it's so important to like have those conversations and I know you know kids nowadays like they want to know the why right I was always a white kid my dad hated it but like that's the way my brain works yeah if you just tell me why I have to do something a certain type of way that was my way of being able to process and accepting it right right whereas I think for my dad it was like Defiance yeah right and for a lot of parents it's like you don't get to ask me why it makes sense so I think that's one of the things where it's kind of like that struggle a little bit and I think to really help you know the newer Generations is we can't go based off of

[39:52]  like how we were raised right there were some beautiful parts of how we were raised I agree don't get me wrong but there's a couple of things where I'm sure if we sat down with our parents they would also agree you know what I could have maybe done that a little bit different you know what I mean so I think it's just being able to have those conversations in both sides have to have an open mind yeah you know what I mean so I think that's really important I feel like you're 100 right because when I think about it it's like Because the Internet is such a intricate integrated part of our life today like if you're not having the conversations with your kids then they're going to hear the conversation from somebody else's perspective and I was having a conversation with a couple of my dad's buddies we were golfing a couple weeks ago and they were having conversations about different topics and they're like I don't want them telling my kids what to do about this blah blah and I was

[40:39]  like okay then are you guys talking about those conversations and they're like well I'm not talking to them about that it's like so you you're giving somebody else's opinion the ability to kind of shape your child's reality because if you're not gonna have the conversation and give them actual framework of why this is important then they're going to relate off something they see on social media because it's so much easier so much more accessible so I feel like as a parent these days we have a responsibility to step in and be like hey listen this is why this is important if you start experiencing these things this is why this is happening and we can talk about that stuff rather than having the old school mentality like my parents had of just being like that's the way it is right and like don't ask questions about that but like you're not allowed to do that kind of stuff and you're right like it just the delivery too right like I think kids they want to open up to their parents but there had to be a time where maybe they tried and

[41:28]  they got a negative reaction right so if I'm trying to talk to you about something and you immediately shut me down best believe the next time similar thing is happening or something else I'm going through I'm probably not going to come back to you right it's not that I don't love you or anything like that but it's like there's a fear right it's known that that person is not comfortable with you right and I think as an adult I've had conversations with my parents about that I've had conversations with other adults about that when it comes to like the parenting stuff too helping them understand it and I know it sounds easy coming from someone like me because I'm not in their situation right but it takes work like it takes work and we have to put in that work and I I get it you know it's almost like they feel like

[42:14]  it shouldn't but it does right that's a sad reality yeah it kind of comes back to the making time comment that you made earlier today right in the conversation hearing the fact that we have to make time to have these types of conversations super important because if we continue to kind of brush them off and don't give ourselves enough space to create that safe area of conversation we're just gonna have a really tough time so yeah exactly well Ruth this has been an amazing conversation thank you so much for coming on the podcast I really appreciate it I know you've provided so much value so why don't you use last couple seconds here to kind of highlight you know your private practice the things that you're working on so the audience can you know learn a little bit more about you and kind of the next phase of what you're going to be doing thank you for that thank you so much for having me on um this was a blast so yeah my private practice is called healing your heart

[43:01]  and mind it's a private practice it's all Telehealth um so I have my website or if you're familiar with Psychology today um you guys can find me on there as well um and my social media handle for my private practice is the name itself healing your heart and mind awesome well thank you so much guys that's been another episode of the podcast thank you so much for tuning in and you'll catch us in the next one